Depressed!! Please Help! Help!

Meena2017 · Aug 11, 2017

hi ladies
iam married since 4 and half years...no kids.after 1 year of my marriage husband left his job and did not get another.then we two stayed at inlaw place for about 2 and half years and finally when husband dont get any job he apply for further study in foreign.he had some sufficient funds.My relation with inlaws was very ugly...they did not treat me well,,,,mother inlaw always keep taunting me for households and fil always keep an eye on me whenever i talk on phone or text someone.both was good with husband and bad with me.My husband is a depressed personality ,,,,he dont talk much,,,,usually reserve type of guy,,,,but obey what his parents said like a kid.he was used to give his salaries (he earned very good )to fil to keep in his bank account,,,,but that episode finish since he left job.so now, we are in foreign land on study visa and mine is spouse visa,,,,this is same country where my elder sis inlaw is married....she is the photocopy of mother-inlaw and has great habit of backbiting,,,,and passing information about our relation to her parents.so, she lives just at the distance of 1 hour from our accomodation.Iam working here as my visa allowed that.Before i start work my inlaws creat alots of drama that they keep telling me that i should work and they even went to my parents that they convince me to work here.fortunately i found job....and my hubby studies....even it was not full time job but i had flexibility to work more hours and i work how much i can,,,,my husband did not understand me that iam working hard,,,,he fought with me to work more and clear the more expenses from my money,,,i stay quiet thinking it a bad time and worked more hours how much i was able to do even if mine was standing job....even if this job was not matching my qualification,,,,but i did not bother much.unfortunately,my husband expenses expand out of my budget,,,then he told his parents to send money to his account and they send it.i know they back biting about me that i dont work full time ....bla bla bla....and sometime they might have told my husband that i should need to work more.how can i get full time job....its not easy to even get any job here.Now my husband is about to complete his studies just a last month for that.unfortunately mil came here and stayed at sis inlaw place for her baby sitting because she is studying.she came to us just three days back and driven me to sleepless nights..now my inlaws are forcing me leave job and we both should shift to sis inlaw place place and it can save our house rent so that her son can find job for him here.sis inlaw is married and lives with her inlaws..My husband and i had a fight last week so he dont talk to me much.he obey what his parents says...iam getting mad in anger,,,,,even if i told my mother inlaw straight way that i dont found it a good idea to shift sis inlaw place.i prefer to go back to my parent house rather than staying at anybodies house.Even my husband is not listening to me i also told him to increase accomodation contract so that he can find job,,,,,he is not talking with me.My inlaws keep forcing to shift to sis inlaw place...Iam depressed because i have to leave my job which i found with great difficulty and my house....thats not possible guys. today with dare I told her that I really don't want to leave my job and I can share accommodation with my female friend in the city where the rents are low and i can easily afford that.At that point she start fighting with me and saying what the people says and what the sis inlaw's inlaw will talk about me.then i asked if we all stay at her house then what will her inlaw says and my husband not getting job then what will her inlaw say,,,Can you stop them speaking anything?She simply roll the topic and start blaming me why are you two not talking?what happened between you two? why my son does not seems happy? what is the reason,,,,,,what the hell....what kind of people are they....iam wondering are they humen or animals...i cant find any difference,,,,iam feeling very depressed...please help me ladies....thanks in advance.

sindmani · Aug 11, 2017

Op, u r doing much to create peace but ur in-laws and ur husband both the parties are using u to milk money. U r enabling it. I feel for u, I sympathise u. But please wake up . other ilites can guide u better. Hope all is well with u soon.

Naari · Aug 11, 2017

Don't leave your job, don't go to sils place. If they are financially dependent on you, you have an upper hand, isn't it? You don't have to do anything that you don't wish to.

Your Dh looks like a parents boy & they seem like manipulating, conniving ppl, so we see where this is going. Get Dh on your side, I am not sure how, but that seems to be the root cause.

happydheivanai · Aug 11, 2017

Meena2017 said: ↑

hi ladies
iam married since 4 and half years...no kids.after 1 year of my marriage husband left his job and did not get another.then we two stayed at inlaw place for about 2 and half years and finally when husband dont get any job he apply for further study in foreign.he had some sufficient funds.My relation with inlaws was very ugly...they did not treat me well,,,,mother inlaw always keep taunting me for households and fil always keep an eye on me whenever i talk on phone or text someone.both was good with husband and bad with me.My husband is a depressed personality ,,,,he dont talk much,,,,usually reserve type of guy,,,,but obey what his parents said like a kid.he was used to give his salaries (he earned very good )to fil to keep in his bank account,,,,but that episode finish since he left job.so now, we are in foreign land on study visa and mine is spouse visa,,,,this is same country where my elder sis inlaw is married....she is the photocopy of mother-inlaw and has great habit of backbiting,,,,and passing information about our relation to her parents.so, she lives just at the distance of 1 hour from our accomodation.Iam working here as my visa allowed that.Before i start work my inlaws creat alots of drama that they keep telling me that i should work and they even went to my parents that they convince me to work here.fortunately i found job....and my hubby studies....even it was not full time job but i had flexibility to work more hours and i work how much i can,,,,my husband did not understand me that iam working hard,,,,he fought with me to work more and clear the more expenses from my money,,,i stay quiet thinking it a bad time and worked more hours how much i was able to do even if mine was standing job....even if this job was not matching my qualification,,,,but i did not bother much.unfortunately,my husband expenses expand out of my budget,,,then he told his parents to send money to his account and they send it.i know they back biting about me that i dont work full time ....bla bla bla....and sometime they might have told my husband that i should need to work more.how can i get full time job....its not easy to even get any job here.Now my husband is about to complete his studies just a last month for that.unfortunately mil came here and stayed at sis inlaw place for her baby sitting because she is studying.she came to us just three days back and driven me to sleepless nights..now my inlaws are forcing me leave job and we both should shift to sis inlaw place place and it can save our house rent so that her son can find job for him here.sis inlaw is married and lives with her inlaws..My husband and i had a fight last week so he dont talk to me much.he obey what his parents says...iam getting mad in anger,,,,,even if i told my mother inlaw straight way that i dont found it a good idea to shift sis inlaw place.i prefer to go back to my parent house rather than staying at anybodies house.Even my husband is not listening to me i also told him to increase accomodation contract so that he can find job,,,,,he is not talking with me.My inlaws keep forcing to shift to sis inlaw place...Iam depressed because i have to leave my job which i found with great difficulty and my house....thats not possible guys....what kind of people are they....iam wondering are they humen or animals...i cant find any difference,,,,iam feeling very depressed...please help me ladies....thanks in advance.
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Omg so sad ...u r doing beyond ur limits...if u move to ur sister in law place they will grab ur husband money and make u to all the household work...

Ur sister in law is also a girl..how she is being like this.. my god don't worry ..bad time for u ..don't know what to say.

Instead of fighting Just try to change ur husband and move to some other place ..away...if they scold also don't worry ..once baby comes everything will fall in place

Pray god.

sindmani · Aug 11, 2017

happydheivanai said: ↑

ur sister in law place they will grab ur husband money and make u to all the household work...
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Op's husband is not working. I don't think its about money. Op should stop catering to the cribs OF INLAWS and focus in stabilising her job n secure her life. Op say UR INLAWS THAT Your job is getting better here. So u r not going to move to ur sil home as u want to settle down. Help ur husband get a job. Improve ur financial status and start a family. Best wishes. It is not about in-laws but your LIFE NOW.IR JOB IS UR LIFE.

DDream · Aug 11, 2017

Op, so sad. I think you have done everything I may do in your place like saying NO to their demands.

I think shifting to SIL place is a very bad idea as they are staying with their in laws. If they were alone it may sound better. But if you shift there you may find more issues in life including lack of freedom /privacy etc..

As your dh is about to complete his studies may be you can tell him that let us wait till he completes his studies and try for job where you are staying so that you can support him financially and it give him time to find a better job. If nothing work out you can think about moving to SIL (just saying , not doing). Also depending financially on in laws or husband of SIL is not good for him.

I dont understand one thing - you said all of them were asking you to work more so that you can help dh. Why they change now.. don't they need any money now?

I think having a job is important for you. Is there any way you can travel and keep you job. I strongly suggest you to have your own account and you manage your own money.. Else it will be a problem later based on the input you provided.

To be frank, I dont know what trick you can do to change your dh's mind. Anyway, try to ask for more time .. Moving now is not good for your dh' study as he is its final month.. May be you can ask more time as I said above or stick with a NO to both of your demands. Dont go for arguing or quarreling with your dh with an angry face. He wont understand. Instead calm down , think with a cool mind how you can convince him well. Note all the points and then discuss (no arguments) in a calm cool way with a neutral face about the points you want to convey and stick on it.

Meena2017 · Aug 11, 2017

DDream said: ↑

Op, so sad. I think you have done everything I may do in your place like saying NO to their demands.

I think shifting to SIL place is a very bad idea as they are staying with their in laws. If they were alone it may sound better. But if you shift there you may find more issues in life including lack of freedom /privacy etc..

As your dh is about to complete his studies may be you can tell him that let us wait till he completes his studies and try for job where you are staying so that you can support him financially and it give him time to find a better job. If nothing work out you can think about moving to SIL (just saying , not doing). Also depending financially on in laws or husband of SIL is not good for him.

I dont understand one thing - you said all of them were asking you to work more so that you can help dh. Why they change now.. don't they need any money now?

I think having a job is important for you. Is there any way you can travel and keep you job. I strongly suggest you to have your own account and you manage your own money.. Else it will be a problem later based on the input you provided.

To be frank, I dont know what trick you can do to change your dh's mind. Anyway, try to ask for more time .. Moving now is not good for your dh' study as he is its final month.. May be you can ask more time as I said above or stick with a NO to both of your demands.
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Dear DDream
They definitely need money that's why my mil trying to manuplate me that I can get transfer from my city to her city..thats terrible..I said noo.
I have my own bank account because i was concious from starting of the time. even if my husband fought with me for that but i did not give up.

Sandycandy · Aug 11, 2017

You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Stay put where you are, you are the one earning and supporting he husband . the only issue I see is your husband threatening you because you are on a dependent visa.But I doubt he could continue without your help.

Sweety82 · Aug 11, 2017

Op, ur husband is in insecure position. So ur in-laws are taking that as an advantage to dump you now. Don't get caught there. You say them that the money that u earn will be useful for u both in some way and express that the job will make u a foundation for ur further career. So without affecting ur career and ur husbands condition, u say that let him stay in his sisters house till he gets a job and let u not leave ur career. U simply cannot make alterations in ur life according to ur in-laws changing preference. U r not a toy. Because it is better to be independent than getting caught in ur sils house sacrificing ur peace of mind. If ur husband gets a good job then u make alterations in ur life. If u want u can leave ur career at that time. Let anybody say anything. When ur hubby gets a job Iam sure he will shift from his sisters place. Till that time wait. Live in a shared accommodation and save some money. These ppl are trouble makers. Break it and look forward for your and ur husbands future. All the best.

ashneys · Aug 11, 2017

Focus on gettin a permanent job. Stand your ground about Sil's place. That just sounds like a bigger disaster waiting to happen. If they bring it up again, you can ask the same thing which your mil refused to answer before.

Do not quit your current job. Stay where you want, even the shared accommodation, and put the blame on th job and make it convincing.

If your dh stays at his Sis's house with her in laws, very soon he will run away, don't worry. No in laws are gonna sit n watch others eat at 'their son's' home. The time it takes your dh to find a job to even his day to day habits, they will poke fingers at everything. On the other hand, it maybe a good thing for him to get his head back in the game. Will be a good reality check. But you don't get caught in that. Say you are gona continue doing this job as that's the best for you both.