Depressed And Feeling Helpless! Pls Pls Advice

Are you both not emotionally attached to each other? from your this post, I felt like you are seriously considering divorce and have no emotional attachment to your 4 yr old DH..if this is the case, I am sorry you are suffering so much.... good emotional bonding can overcome some of the sexual issues couple have...

 

Ok good to know you have emotional bonding..its very natural and human tendency to feel frustrated when outsiders appreciate you for things which your DH does not....I think you are on the right track wrt getting medical examinations done..you know the risks are high if you were to leave this guy and go for divorce option....Good luck and weigh out all pros and cons before taking steps!! Happy New Year to you and family as well...

 

Please please do not bring a child in this world. Counselling is ok but sometimes it can create more issue than help. But you must initiate that too. Divorce after a child will really mess up your life.

For god sake do not bother about your or his parents. I did that and it will put you in limbo doing the ultimate sacrifice for your kid if you have. that is really bad.

Do not go for any affair , please it is very easy for females to go for affair. but that will do more damage than help.

also please note some men do not have that gene to hear you emotionally. i was like that, it takes time and practice . i am good but my wife is in her world now. so if you feel your DH is like that, take it slow. have a female friend to vent too.

 

@sensitivegal
Jus read ur post...how are the things now??
I hope its gng in a positive way...each person having different problem..life is not easy to handle

 

Hi OP
I have not read other replies so please excuse me if I repeat the same suggestions.
First of all ,your husband does not have any medical issue if you guys do it thrice a month or even once a year. He could have performance anxiety which is obvious giving the kind of behavior you do. You said you shouted at him for not being able to perform. OP it does not work this way. Like us women, men also need support from their partner when they are unable to meet their expectations. You feel bad when he does not want to listen to your sob story but you also do the same.

I guess at this stage you dont need a divorce instead you need to step into your husband's shoe and think will you be able to feel happy with a person who shouts.
He was not right when he did not come home but please consider his condition. What could be the reason for him to leave you for a day. Why he wants to go away from you?
So I feel that both of you have to work on your marriage. But try to change yourself first. All those shoutings and nagging will leave you nothing.
Gain your composure first, give your husband some space, lower your expectations and be his friend first.

 

Hi OP,

I read your original question and then some of the answers. I am going to take an opposite view here.

“All too often women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love rightly we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm's way.”

If you've been married for 4 years and this is your husband's behavior for most of it, then there is little chance he will change. Figure out how soon you can be financially independent and then file for divorce and get out of this sham of a marriage. Marriage should have love, passion, respect and communication in it. None of them seem to be present here.

And please don't have a child with this man. You will feel even more tied after that. Life is to be lived and savored, not be destroyed by living with such toxic people as your husband. Your parents are being typical indian parents with their heads in the sand. My parents loved me but came around fully only after I was diagnosed with cancer and my ex was abusing me even during my treatment.

It is YOUR life and you HAVE to take ownership of it. It is tough and hard when you do not have emotional support from your family...but you have to figure out a way. Give it a year if you must to stand on your feet..get a room mate, extra assistantship, extra part time job, whatever it takes. "We can't be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don't have something better.”

Take care and all the best.

 

I think stubbornness n less sex should not be an issue for a divorce.. it's just a phase it will go hang in there.. u have a job he too has one so the main stuff is secure ..
u calm down n sit with him just go out for a relaxed trip n just don't think of sex n don't have sex just enjoy the company .. cuddle n stay strong for him .. he is having an issue so let him take time n ask u lets go..

 

At first both of you should have emotional bonding, affection and romance which will lead into good sexual life.If you want to hold your married life you should give him some mental strength so that he will be comfortable with you in this matter.
If you are making fuss(in your frustration) while sex he can't perform next time coz mentally he will scare whether he can do it properly or not.Try to understand him. For some time don't think about divorce. If you have a problematic child what you will do?in the same way be patience.