Demeaning Behavior!

I'm in the exact same situation....My husband gets angry for simple things even if i ask him more than 2-3 Qs on a subject...He even breaks stuff when he gets angry and he knows he has anger issue but says this is how he will be and i should just shut my mouth n not ask him anything......like nod my head for everything and behave like a slave...hmmm..
Any tackling suggestions anyone?

 

I can only suggest that you don't provide him with an audience. When he starts becoming unreasonable, calmly and firmly state, you need to calm down or we can discuss it when you've calmed down and leave the room. Take your kids along with. Go about other business calmly. Unless he talks respectfully do not respond at all.

Sounds like he gets a high putting you down and upsetting you. Refuse to play his game. Polite disinterest with help. If he involves parents or anything nonchalantly say, "nothing is wrong. When we calm down and think clearly, it will be fine."

Don't try to please your husband because if you reward his bad behaviour with great results, you are setting a wrong precedent. Just accept the fact that he is unreasonable and won't be pleased; your misery is unfortunately what gives him his high. So, even if he is silent and doesn't talk and all that, disŕgard all that bad be normal.

Be strong. Be fair. Be polite. Take the high horse always. If he criticises you, use humour to diffuse the situation.
You should be able to turn things around with consistency.

 

I agree with guesshoo here
Don't try to please him or change him. If divorce is not an option, I would just minimize the communication with him. He is obviously a toxic person and he spreads his toxicity on you and your children. Talk to him when necessary about kids stuff, house work, finances and this is it. If he criticizes you, try to detach yourself and ignore him. Treat him as a nagging roommate who is annoying, but you have to coexist somehow.
And remember that his criticism and negativity are not about you. You are not bad, it's him who has issues and who needs to work on himself. Hugs to you and good luck

 

Just don't argue when he begins the mudslinging business. He may irritate you until you participate but as far as possible just keep quiet. I hope there is no physical abuse involved. There is no solution really to this problem except to be hardened and get immune to this issue. I don't think men like him are really impacted by the threat of separation or leaving. They got to vent and they will. Sometimes it wouldn't even be fair, yet they do it. Just don't rely on him as far as possible - although it is easier said than done, that is the only thing that can be done

 

How about trying the silent treatment here? He just cannot keep threatening you with divorce! He does seem a little bit sadistic ..so when he starts yelling just don't respond. And going forward make sure at any cost not to get the patents involved for the fights. When you say divorce is not option then involving your family is just going to stress you a lot more.
You say other times he is normal to you so continue the silent treatment or remain aloof and he may approach you asking what's wrong. Stay calm and reason out. Hope things get better!

 

Dear OP,

Stop trying so hard to please your H. The reason he is behaving like that is probably coz you seem to give him the impression that no matter what you will adjust to his mood swings and crazy behavior.

You need to stand up for yourself. My H was in a similar mode some years ago where he used to threaten me that he will go off somewhere and not come home. Since I was living in a joint family set-up I used to be so worried as to what will people think and beg to him, cry, ask for forgiveness and all that nonsense. I just reached a point where one day in a fight, when he threatened to leave me and go off, I packed his bags for him and asked him to leave and ordered him to file for a divorce before leaving.

that shut him up for good. He doesn't talk nonsense anymore. That's when I realized the more I took his hurts and taunts, the more he thought he could play around with my emotions.

Me, I no longer fear him or his actions. I started believing in myself. I grew independent. I learnt to stop expecting things from him and learnt to start living for myself and my kids. Infact, during that time when I was in a recovery mode, It was the time I spent with my kids, which revived me.

When my H used to get into that angry mode for silly reasons, I used to just keep a blank face and stare at him. It pissed him off more ... and he started giving me silent treatment. After a week's time, when he initiated talks, I gave him back with his own treatment. That was a reality check for him.

My suggestion to you is, stop trying so hard. Stop pleasing him. Start living for yourself. Like indulge in the activities that relaxes you. Spend quality time with your kids. You will gain your confidence when you do that. Self confidence is an amazing thing - it just motivates you keep achieving more and more!

 

I am in the same situation. I am trying to do the things that you suggested. Few months back, Me and my husband shifted to new city.He have lots of friends here. He don't find time to talk to me and don't share anything. I don't have friends here and we don't have children. I need children, but he is not interested. So I just joined IL and started making terracotta jwellery. But sometimes, I feel very lonely and I can't control my emotions.