Daughter...

incarnation · Oct 4, 2010

My Father came to my home , only when I threatened to break all ties with him...
For my many yrs long marriage , I have been asking him to come.He always said he will come , but never came.

He got retired , was physically ok , not best..with time he started getting knee problems , foot swelling etc....So he said he cannot come..he also feared my bad mouthed MIL[,which luckily my MIL speaks properly now as my father and mother really bow heavily for her respect].But He went to my brothers place , my sis also in near by area , so no issue for her too...But me , I am too far to him to meet , out of my office schedule and my sons schooling etc once or may be once in 2 yrs...

This time , it was make or break , I didnt ever wanted to use this options , this was my last resort ..well I do not know why people make me use the last resort , I hate it , maybe I always try in subtle manner first for very very long, may be people take me for granted because of that...Well Now I am a diff personality , I have learnt how to handle relations where people do not take me for granted and also dont take me as a fool.Well I was very sensitive to everyone..Ofcourse to parents yes....

Anyways ... we had a gala time , I tried doing everything what he liked ...and my son too enjoyed..
Yesterday , we left him in the train , said a bye...my heart is having a feeling of void ..Something pinching me ...I know that I can never stay with them forever or they can stay with me forever , as I am a married daughter.....

My father during his visit said to my DH , " I have one regret that I was away in another city when my mother died, since travelling took time , I couldnot even perform her last rites..."
I felt horrible , I just pitched in replied to my father .." You are a man/son , you have the right to even show your regret.But it is nothing new , we daughters never get to do that , even though we badly yearn for it at that moment , and what more , we do not even have the right to show the regret"...

I am feeling very empty ...I know I cannot visit my parents often..I wish I was a boy..since I cannot change this society in this lifetime.................................................

prss · Oct 4, 2010

Re: Daughters...

Hi Incarnation!
I understand your words completely!
I too am a married daughter living far far away.

incarnation · Oct 4, 2010

Re: Daughters...

Thanks PRSS for your first and really needed FB....I was feeling really sad deep inside...

nityakalyani · Oct 4, 2010

Re: Daughters...

incarnation said: ↑

My Father came to my home , only when I threatened to break all ties with him...

Dear incarnation,
do not feel sad or remorse. we as daughters can change lives of any bother damn mil or fil. In our society fabric it is said that daughters are paraya mal and it is sons who do karma for us. From the husbands view point[daughters] your father has a son and it is his responsibility .am i not taking care of my mother etc. etc . i have broken this rules may times. as i am the eldest and we do not have brothers- i have questioned my fathers philosophy. He said that i was an exceptional person . when my father died i cremated his body and with the help of my sissters son did the 13 days karya in Janavapi- in mambalam. Hence it is that we too are working we are not able to concentrate. we do apply logic and are able to bring about changes. Hence please fell proud in being a daughter and not sad.I will all the best for your fathers good health.
thanks for writing this piece it is very thoughtful
Click to expand...

incarnation · Oct 4, 2010

Re: Daughters...

Thanks for your response NityaKalyani...

Thanks for thr good wishes to my Father..Yes he needs ...he having many health problems , which he never acknowledges...

And I wish I can do everything for my father , that can bring him happiness and what he needs both ...

-inc

Raba · Oct 4, 2010

Re: Daughters...

dear Inc,

I felt heavy reading your post.

I am the only daughter to my parents.We visit our parents and in-laws atleast once in a month.

I know how heavy to be far away from parents.
Dont worry Inc.

incarnation · Oct 4, 2010

Re: Daughters...

i cant help it...raba...this feeling is forever...

Kamalji · Oct 4, 2010

Dear Inc,

i can understand.See dear, i dont know why women are still not allowed in the crematorium, no idea.

do u know if the wife dies, the husband if he wants to remarry, does not go to teh crematorium.Strange isnt it, even today.

But dont force yr dad to come to yr house and stay. For he does not like yr MIL, for yr stubborness, he comes, but why force him to come, and stay with u.

Well u can in yr childrens holidays once a year , can go to yr parents hosue, what need is there of any special permission ? They are yr parents, sim,ple, and yu can book yr tickets well in advance, like train tickets, and let everyone know.

You have to be diplomatic if yr inlaws are adamant, and tell them u have to go meet yr parents, and explain to yr husband also, that u too come along for a few days.

All the best.

REgards

kamal

incarnation · Oct 4, 2010

Kamalji,

Thanks for your reply,

My MIL doesnt stay with us.Anyways , I have learnt to handle her.
Any my Father liked after coming here.So I know may be it was the first and hope not last time he came here...He enjoyed , home environment was very cool here ..He has some thinking , which is yet to go..

Well for my MIL ...SAAM , DAAM , DAND , BHED... I have learnt it ;-)

-inc