daughter misbehaving

lekha,

she is 7 and testing her boundaries in the sense, trying to try out things she is watching, from others behaviour, mannerism. to make her understand that it is wrong, you need to stop doing it. maybe she sees somebody giving back answers all the time.

you set the limits and tell her very nicely that she is to follow those. a frequent repetitiveness of the same limits creates a frustration and restless to break the limit and test.

The next time shes says why can't i do if you are doing it, then try to find out if she has a valid observation there. if not, tell her patiently that this is how it is done, and not because i am your mother and i say so. do not continue giving explanations to her back answer/backtalk.. tell her there are certain rules and she has to follow..just like not to touch a burning fire, means it is not to be done.

a better communication is the key.. listen to her..

 

Hi Lekha you can follow shanvy's reply. I actually wanted to say the same thing but she has already said whatever i wanted to. Yes, children closely observe their parents and this may even be because of you and your hubby's way of talking. So try to avoid any serious discussions in front of her. First try to make her understand that whatever you say is only for the good of her. She will surely understand.

 

Hi Lekha,

Shanvy and Mickeymini have given excellent suggestions. In addition, when you are at leisure , you may want to talk to her about your own childhood- the growing up phases, and change in responsibilites over time followed by what she would like to do in a year, then couple and so on. This helps them accepting the growing up phases, necessity to follow the routine and limitations in authority.

Hope that helps.

Best regards,

 

Don't say no lekha. you can go about saying you will be happy if she does it this way. find ways to say the same thing without using no. the child gets irritated hearing no frequently from the parent.

so you want her to finish her homework before dinner, tell her that it will be good for both of you that each of you finishes her work before dinner so that you can spend some time together.. look at it positively. there is no need to shout, hit, get frustrated.

your child is imitating you because she does not know how else to express her frustration or her incompetence to make you understand.

tell her there is homework, let us finish the homework and watch tv. will come back later..

just give her a hug and tell her you love her .

 

HI Lekha,

Kids want to know that adults too have boundaries...they assume that we set the rules and so don't have to follow any. When the two of you interact in situations which don't involve h.w, other expectations, etc, mention how you too have to follow rules in different situations...and that there are consequences when you forget the rule or when you break it. Even if kids don't understand/act on this immediately, they do register the need for boundaries.

Try to modify how you present the boundaries.

R

 

Lekha,
Kids do that all the time-whether it is with you or with other children. Just explain to her
1. that you too have rules and
2. that rules are not the same for everyone for various reasons (safety, time, responsibilities, etc)

Children ask these questions because they want to know if we are fair. It is a naturall process.
See if you can both sit down and identify areas where she has more freedom and can make choices. That way she'll see you are sharing control with her and will also teach her to manage responsibilities.

There are very few absolute rights and wrongs (in my opinion-others may have a different point of view) in parenting and children do understand that.

Rama