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cross-cultural marriages..more likely to have adjustment problems?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by janaka1, Nov 28, 2014.

  1. janaka1

    janaka1 Silver IL'ite

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    the traditional ideas about marriage are changing fast. We too have to change with time and accept it. As we can see so many people are going for inter cultural, inter racial, inter faith marriages, there is certainly nothing to criticize them ideologically if one is not being orthodox. Families too are increasingly accepting such alliances.

    But, on the practical side as i have seen many examples in many cases where dils and pils from different cultural backgrounds seem to have more difficulty in adjusting. I remember reading a post here about dil having problem because of veg/non veg food where a staunchly non veg girl marries a staunchly veg single boy who does not touch non-veg and moves in a house with even more staunch parents who cannot even bear to talk about non-veg. And problem starts immediately. Also saw guys and girls from different provinces marrying and then having difficulty accepting each-others' culture themselves, forget about that of families involved. saw many people having difficulty with difference in festivals, dressing sense, food habit etc. I have seen many cross-cultural couples to mingle well too, in some cases better than some same culture couple i know though comparison will be a folly as every couple has its own unique situation.

    Anyway, at times i simply wonder is it only orthodoxy or anything more than that. i fail to come to a conclusion. I just want to know your opinion, do you think there is really something in the old belief that says marriages should be within the same/compatible cultures??

    what about older girl marrying younger boys? I have seen a few such couples too who seem to be living quite happily. Is there any scientific reason behind this (anything about any biological/mediacal process or anything?) along with the orthodox male domination or is it pure sense of domination only? I really want to know.

    Talking about such things with people never seems to get you anywhere as people see it as an ego issue on the basis of their own life and reply as per their stubborn thoughts. One can easily understand that they are not thinking logically. they would harshly critisize either this part or that part without much thought as it seems. so posted this idea here with the hope of getting neutral logical thoughts about it. thank you.
     
  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    What about older boys marrying younger girls? Will the universe spin off it's axis? ;-)
     
  3. pantu

    pantu Gold IL'ite

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    The problem is children are like raw clay . They stay with their parents and relatives
    from the beginning. They see all the life related things from their surroundings. These
    things will affect them when they will become adults. If some body comes from a
    cross cultural background s/he will act what s/he saw from childhood. Mingling or
    fighting or adjusting whatever it is.
     
  4. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    Last edited: Nov 28, 2014
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  5. Jhilmill

    Jhilmill Silver IL'ite

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  6. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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  7. Jhilmill

    Jhilmill Silver IL'ite

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    Do you think so , I don't think so. Anyways I am not responsible for your assumptions.
     
  8. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    In one word, it is all about the marrying could to behave like adults, with lots of maturity. Age, religion, caste or anything of that sort is not at all a problem for the couple who gets married. But definitely, they can be a huge problem for the extended family and society or even for the country. But it is upto the couple to know where to draw the line.

    I dont think it is that easy for every couple. Sometimes, it always seem to be a gray line where the couple in question is confused about the rights and wrongs. You can't always be in your spouse's side without knowing he/she is really right on this matter. Further, a man or woman can't be expected to simply doubtful about his loving parents' intentions either. So, drawing lines at the right place needs experience.

    This confusion is unavoidable at the initial stage. Experience comes only after facing certain problems in life. But at the end of the day, if the love and understanding remains the same even after so much fights, confusions or whatever, then the inter-marriage is worth to cherish.
     
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  9. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    I think ultimately what matters is how much each is willing to adjust to make it a happy life. I know a couple - aunty is a Christian, and uncle is a Brahmin. They eloped in 1965. This caused a lot of issues in her family, but his was cool (uncle says its probably because his parents were no more, so nobody else bothered too much). Aunty always wore the thaali and a pottu and celebrated all the Hindu festivals to the best of her knowledge. They went to both temple and church (though she said she stopped Church for a while because her family caused issues). Today they are still as happy as any other couple. Church and temple is still going on as usual. She and her son eat non-veg. Uncle is still a pure vegetarian. Her family accepted her when the son was born in 1967 and all three of them speak both Tamil and Malayalam.

    Why am I giving you all these small details? Because this proves that if there is enough love and respect between the 2 people involved (first level involvement that is), any marriage can succeed.
     
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  10. shobhamumbaikar

    shobhamumbaikar Gold IL'ite

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    my opinion in this regard is it depends a lot on whether the couple is being on their own or they are with the so called 'family' of parents. As the two persons concerned are mostly willing to adjust, but problem starts with family. My SIL had such a marriage and within the first few months there was HUGE problem regarding every single thing b it food, dressings, customs, life style or language. Within an year they were separated from them and now they are fine. They are even keeping good terms with them from a distance.
     

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