Hi All, I have been the silent reader of IL. Now I am in bad situation, I need here your valuable suggestions. Here goes my story its a 5th year of my marriage,it was an arranged marriage. My husband is good son,good brother,good person but not a good husband as in my case. After 2 years of our marriage i foud out that he uses to have online (cyber sex) chating n i confronted him,first he denied everything later when i showed him his emails he instantly deleted those n said he did nothing its spam. Two days later i found more through his other email ids n messengers. Then he confessed n said He started chating online when he was alon Us first time n he continuied even when im cooking,sleeping n whenever he is left alon with laptop(i had all his passwords but i never had any suspision on him).When i asked him y he did this to me then he said its virtual its not physical n he also said he is not interested in me becos im not working(I was on H4 n dint work befor marriage so i was a house wife but now i have got work visa still cant get a job bcos of ttc and all these tension i lost interest in everything). Later on i found out that he used to call them when he was at office n sent them gifts. When i confronted he said he'll not do this again n wont keep any contacts with them n then i forgave him after a weeks fight. Ater that again i found out that he is sending them emails n keeping contacts with those girls n agin fought with him n he promised me that he will stop it n never do that again n then we started again as normal for 3 months n at that time i had to got to india again. n went n he came to india after a month n we went for IVF n i got pregnant n stayed there in india n he left to US n when i was 4 months prg i had to go for abortion bcos of some problem with feotus and at the same time he had some broblems with with his n resigned job and had some tensions between us becos of his job tension and other things.Then he joined other company in US n agian i joined him after 6 months n one day his eamil was open n he was sleeping n i seen couple of emails from a girl in that she has wriiten that how much she loves him n wants marry him and telling him to convince his mother for their marriage and to have a court marriage n some intimate things abt how she feels when he calls her at night and express his love to her and kiss her on phone and she cant live without him and she cant wait for their marriage n first night n all those things n my husband also sent eamils saying miss u love u n all other things and he aslo sent her some gifts to my shock and all these things were said when we were already married for 5 months but i got to abt these things now after 4 yrs of marriage and when i askd him about this he said he was just fooling around n flirting n ahvein cyber ..x chat n nothing serious but time pass and when i asked him if its timepass y she was asking abt marriage n the he said she wanted to marry him but he was not interested and lied to her that he was unmarried the he conviced me that nothing serious was there and now they are not in contact any more but when i searched his other emails n found out that even now they are in contact but nothing like befor but it was normal. I just felt even now something is there and i sent her a message from yahoo messenger n said Im Shyeya n im his frnds wife and i said hi,how r u? Then she sent him an email to his office and asked ur wife had sent me an eamil what should i do and i guess my told her to not to reply me and next day when he came for lunch and had a got a sms saying that call me need to talk time was 12 midnight in india,when i asked my husband whos this he said its his India's office frnd n asked him its not time to call it midnight in India. Next day i tried that number and that was that girls number and i called my husband an asked he said she was worried if we had fight and she just messaged to ask abt how we r doing and i told my husband to eamil her that not to call him or messege him anymore n he doent want to have any contacts with her then he said ok i'll and next day he sent her an email n forwared to me and he even said that she is married and she is pregnant now and i beleived him said ok and i was very happy. and that day he came home n again he office email id was open i just cheched it it that she angry with him said "WIFE WANTS TO BREAK OUR RELATIONSHIP" n to that he replyied he wont leave her what ever hapens and its just my wife she is vey bad and nasty and he told her he will send her a bad eamil and forwarded that to me and he called her n spoke to her and he consoled her and got angry n woke him up n asked he immidiately deleted that email n said i dint send any n i dint speak to her and when i threatend to him that i would call his mother then he said do it if u have guts n i was very agry n called her and told her. He dint want speak to his mother and after that he broke my mangalsutra n went out at 3 AM. And he came back after half an hour and started to pack my bag n booked a tickect for me to India,when i said dont do like this i wont go and again i called my mother in law and he spoke to her she said dont send her its not good and dont spoil ur life and he said ok to her but after that he said y u told my mother all these thing iwont forgive u and its only time pass and now he doesnt want to stay with me,he wants a divorce and abusses me n he started to scold my parents with filthy words and said tumhare baap ne dhokha diya hain and ur not working not earning and even u dont want to have babis and other things like he is not attracted towords me, im not sexy.(I am good looking as i feel n others say im realy good looking and ur husband is very lucky) Some how i begged him that i dont want to go and i wont ask him anything and not going check his emails and again i called mil she spoke with him n said him dont send her and be good with her then he said ok but i feel he is not happy with me and even he said to me on that day that if i divorce him he woukd be very happy and marry some one with his liking. Today he was normal n me to and he promised he wont talk to taht girl again in his life. But now i feel did i do the corrct thing staying with him or should have gone to my parents. I feel very ashmed i begged him to let me stay with him. Now i need ur suggestions what should i do now,sholud walk out or win him again my unconditional loveand getting a job and ttc get pregnant as soon as possible. I am realy confused,depresses,angry and unhappy. Dont know what to do. PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE:drowning. SOrry for long post and if i used any inappropriate words then pls forgive me:bonk.