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Confused Life - I Dont Think I Can Go Forward

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by star90new, Jun 5, 2018.

  1. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear ladies
    I have put up a post regarding my husbands habits and job. I am staying away from my husband at the moment to try and develop my career. Many are blaming me for staying away from my husband.
    I coudn't find a job anywhere near my husbands area. While was a housewife my husband never took food to office, he was always travelling and bc. Many of his friends , my friends and relatives used to look down at me for not working. They use to advice me as if I dont want to work and I am lazy.

    Now that I have started to work all are asking me how cruel I am. My husband's cholesterol levels and sugar levels are going up. My in laws blame me for that. Even if I stay with my husband he wont be able to have food on time nor is he ready to carry food with him. Talking about my job, my job is spoiling my health as its not good place for a lady to work. I took this job as I dint get many options and I was getting depressed staying at home. I thought maybe I can jump to a related industry after working for an year or so. I am in a dilemma.

    I am not settled career wise. My job is doing me no good career wise. I got cheated by my college and my degree is not enough for me to get some important memberships .These memberships are required for me to continue working. I have to be employed to get the memberships , thats why I am hanging on to this company. My husband's health and my health both are going bad. I might get the memberships but its taking time. I have exams to right and clear. it might take 6 months to 1 year. Even if I clear the exams no 100% surety is there about membership. If I dont get the memberships, my degree will be of no use..

    I dony know. why all bad things are happening. I never thought my college was so bad , since many of my college seniors had no issue. The rules have changed now. If I leave the job now , I dont know when I will get another one. What do I do? My husband is happy that hes staying alone . He says he doesnt want to see a depressed me. My husband is not caring or understanding he doesnt even like me talking these things to him. I wish I had some one to talk to ..

    My parents are not at all worried about my or my husbands deteriorating health. My parents want me to develop my career. I am worried about health. I mentally exhausted that I have to do office work in a different industry , prepare for my exams , staying away from husband and I have no guarantee if I will ever get the membership. Actually there are two memberships so double the tension.
    We were also thinking of kids but with this health and career, we have to wait.
     
    GeetaKashyap likes this.
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  2. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Sometimes simply having faith and waiting for the tide to turn brings in the needed magic. Have patience and hope for the best.
     
    Zxcv, Star25, Sweety82 and 4 others like this.
  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    These people are the same ones who don't come when you and your DH is suffering. So better ignore them and take care of yourself first. Stop getting tensed and concentrate on what you like and then decide what next , because no one else is responsible for your life except YOU !
     
  4. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    I am not able to take a decision. I dunno for how long I should wait.
    No one helps me decide. My husband or parents no one helps me.
     
    GeetaKashyap likes this.
  5. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    U can leave the job and go stay with him .. even if he does not take lunch with him u can feed him at night..
    if u really need the job take the low pay for awhile in the same place ...

    Don’t listen to inlaws their job is only to make your life hell ..just leave them..
    U must be stressed ..u calm yourself ..go out with someone with whom u feel relaxed ..don’t think anything but your self ..
     
  6. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes I know but I am not able to take decision independently. My husband has nothing to say about all these. My mom and dad wants me to work. His mom wants me to leave job . (So that she can disrespect me again).
    I feel job helps me get respect and acceptance from my siblings and in laws.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  7. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Its hard for me to get a job.. I might have to wait for months ...maybe an year. If stay at home I am scared that I might get depressed staying alone when my husband travels. Another reason I want the job is to get memberships .
    They keep on changing membership criteria, like no of years of experience. I am scared if I leave the job now and find the next job with a long gap . my chance of membership and giving exam will reduce.
     
  8. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    It will be never a good time / place to start that 1st job. You have to start somewhere, why not here?

    You are in charge of your life. An idle mind is devil's workshop, go for it. Have a faith and put your effort to make it happen. It is better than doing nothing at home, waiting for someone to come home!

    If it is 1 or 2 year assignment, go ahead give a try.
     
  9. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    These statements from you shows that a job makes your life better. Initially any changes are hard, but eventually it will all fall into place.

    Even if you quit n stay at home, as you said, all that's waiting for you is a depressed, lonely life with no respect from your family n even yourself. Read your post about your husband's eating habits (will reply on it). Btw all this continued to happen when you were a house wife too, so what difference would it make whether you are at work or if you quit n go again?

    About people, guess you got your answer. You were lazy when you stayed at home, you are cruel when you go to work. There's truly no win here. Do what you have to do, to make your life quality better.

    Building a career takes a lot of effort n patience, n this job is the first step towards that path. Yes, it's challenging but they were the ones who gave you the first opportunity when no one else was ready. So if you don't take care of your negative feelings towards the job, you are gona despise it n feel miserable. Start noticing small positive things about it n how it's gona change your life for the better.

    Figure out ways to fix your health. Is it your eating habits? Sleeping time? Work timing? See what you can do to fix your health. Health is more important, keep repeating this statement to your hubby as well. No one else can push you or your hubby to be healthy apart from yourselves.

    Make a priority list, decide what you really want, then stick to that decision. If you continue to have doubts / negative feelings even after a clear decision, like wanting to work when at home, or wanting to be home while working, your own mind is never gona let you live happily.
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2018
    pinkydarling, star90new, Zxcv and 2 others like this.
  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My DH has a similar job and please his cholesterol is his problem. Even while traveling he should know what he can and cannot eat. I’m not packing umpteen dabbas for him to take and reheat at the hotel. That was the old me. The new me takes care of the ones who actually are my responsibility to feed healthy(kids).

    Regarding your career, as long as DH is ok, why care what others say/think/don’t think. Why even give way to such conversations. Cut off, make excuses to move away and MIL or whoever else will get the message.

    Now, if your job is ruining your health then you need to focus on that. Get a gym membership, go for yoga classes, start walking, eat better etc. Your career has just started. It won’t take off tomorrow. You probably will be putting in a lot of effort with minimal gains for sometime before you see measurable results. I suggest you consider this as a marathon, not a race where you have to see gains in six months. As long as you are learning, continue.
    What do you mean by not conducive to women? Can you explain? Is it detrimental to your wellbeing? If not, learn until you certify and leave when you find something else better suited.

    Reg your other thread, nobody can force the man to take a different job if he wants to do this. I think @poovai has already written about her experience, I’ll add my two cents too. If there are no other pressing issues, work on making the time together memorable and happy. Since you spend so much time apart, it’s important to bond well. Make effort in that direction. Try to also look at the positives.
     
    shravs3, star90new, Sweety82 and 2 others like this.

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