Conflict Resolution

Conflicts are inevitable in life and a good understanding of the perspective of someone who has a conflict with us is a good place to start to resolve them. Even among the people of impeccable character, perspective will vary based on their experiences and circumstances. The most critical factor in bringing peace out of conflict, is one’s personal attitude towards the other person. Some of the essential ingredients include congenial tone, reconciliatory demeanor, open mindedness, low intensity in presenting facts, focus on the principal conflict resolution rather than trivial distractions, ability to present options to resolve, and readiness to accept outcome. A good understanding that not all conflicts can be resolved is essential.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak for the righteousness and it takes courage also to sit down and listen to the point of view of the other person. Sometimes, things are not black or white but gray and difficult for us to determine what is right. Winning or losing an argument should not be the goal and the resolution of the conflict must be the goal for which substantial listening skill is essential setting aside ego. Contrary to popular belief, conflicts are not always a negative thing and evidently men and women who begin with a quarrel, end up loving each other and marrying to continue quarreling for life.

Time and place to resolve the conflict plays a significant role in conflict resolution. Preferably, conflicts should be resolved only among the people who have conflict rather than involving a third party, unless it is essential. Both parties need to be in the right frame of mind to resolve a conflict and therefore choosing a time and place when/where neither party is under pressure is preferred.

Mind should be calmer and open while attempting to resolve conflict. It is essential not to begin the conversation on an attack mode which would let the other person to immediately go on a defensive mode. Control of emotions during the discussion and effective communication of understanding of the conflict is necessary. One need to have defined boundaries about what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t. The tone plays an important role in easing the tension. The body language should be able to communicate to the other person that the intention is to resolve and not to blame anyone. If required, some of the past happenings that are associated with the person who is attempting to resolve the conflict can be recalled and how it could have been handled differently, should be communicated to make the other person feel the fairness. If anyone becomes emotional, it is wiser to take a break before continuing the discussion.

It is important to focus on the specifics of the reason for the conflict but how it is expressed should be with a mild language but firmly. The facts must be presented and not the emotions, how it is being perceived and how it would hurt if the roles were reversed. If possible, the suggestion should focus on how such behavior could be avoided in future to improve the relationship and express willingness to forgive and move on to building the relationship going forward. Side bar conversations that are trivial in nature and unimportant in resolving conflicts must be strictly avoided. Distractions dilute the effect of communication to resolve conflicts.

In any conflict resolution, listening plays and important role. While the person with whom we sit to resolve conflict should be given equal opportunity to talk to express their opinion and the rationale for their reactions. More one listens, better such conflicts can be avoided in future. Expressing eagerness to understand is more important than winning. There is no need to address every point raised in such a discussion and a simple nod or demeanor to express the understanding is enough. There is no need for obtaining an acceptance of blame nor there is a need to accuse anyone of wrong behavior with strong language. Instead, options to avoid such behavior should be recommended as a solution. Finally, it is important to go to such meeting not expecting a specific outcome and be prepared to accept whatever the outcome is. Not all conflicts can be resolved in life and sometimes time only heals wounds. A good understanding that resolution of conflicts helps us to achieve peace is important. Therefore, we should be prepared to forgive, express desire to forget the past and be willing to build constructive relationship in future.

 

@GeetaKashyap,

Thank you for your first response and a very well articulated comment about resolving conflicts. You are absolutely right. Conflicts will arise over the course of our lives and there is nothing wrong with it but how we resolve them makes the difference in our lives.

Viswa

 

Thank you @kkrish (Kamala), @goldenhoney87 and @knbg (Bhargavi) for your likes.

Viswa

 

Dear Smt. Jayasala:

Thank you for your wonderful response and for expressing precise way to resolve conflicts. You are absolutely right. A mere silence doesn't necessarily mean acceptance of others' views. Even if we have to say something, we don't have to condemn and express our view with low intensity. It is so true that we have a map of how others should behave and it directly stems from our ego. By letting to such expectations and flowing with life as it happens, we function with love from our heart instead of hurt. Remaining unaffected by criticism (even if it is genuine criticism, we should only lessons out of it) brings harmony automatically. There has to be an understanding that it helps us more than anyone else.

Viswa

 

Kamala,

I feel very humbled and honored by your above comment. I always check how many read and how many liked what I wrote. Even someone taking the time to read the article itself is an honor.

Viswa

 

My Dear Vani,

Thank you for your kind response. It is so satisfying to see what I write resonates well with someone who is dear to me like a daughter.

Viswa