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Conflict Management Of Fil/dil .

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by sln, Apr 8, 2019.

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  1. Apr 11, 2019 #61
    startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    Dear @sln, Please don't be sad at my choice. I want to assure you that it does not arise from bitterness in my past - it is just a way for me to not place any expectations on my offspring.... or to be honest - I must say *reduce* my expectations from my child. (once a parent, the expectations tend to only rise!) This child will be living in a new, very different world from today - with much to endure as well as enjoy - and I want to respect and give them the full-freedom to live a life they choose and not be tied down to caring for me. But in my turn - as a daughter I am very happy and look forward to the time that my parents will choose to live with me. Of course if my child insists I live with them - I will consider the situation whole-heartedly but I like my freedom too. :p

    And the term "retirement home" does not have any negative connotations for me. However I do fully understand that in Indian society to many - there is a lot of negativity around it - some rightfully so because it is a new concept that may not yet be implemented right and the unfortunate circumstances because of which some have been forced to live in a retirement home.

    Thank you for the lovely take-aways above - I will replay them in my head a bit more. :blush::blush::blush:
     
    startinganew, Apr 11, 2019
    startinganew, Apr 11, 2019
    #61
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  2. Apr 11, 2019 #62
    startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    @Greenbay Have to clarify an assumption you are making here. As soon the US couple begin married life here - they are excited and truly want to share their life here with their parents and invite the parents over - within a few months of marriage - for the usual 6 months parents trip (if parents are retired by then). This is a common scenario of many in my friends circle.
     
    startinganew, Apr 11, 2019
    startinganew, Apr 11, 2019
    #62
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  3. Apr 11, 2019 #63
    sln

    sln Platinum IL'ite

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    sln, Apr 11, 2019
    sln, Apr 11, 2019
    #63
  4. Apr 11, 2019 #64
    sln

    sln Platinum IL'ite

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    There is no negative connotation about retirement homes,having lived in one home for two years,not out of compulsion but of my choice.I have met and discussed with scores of such families.They can be classified into the following types;
    The man wants his wife to rest and relax and not toil in the house.
    Unable to adjust with the children and lack of respect which they feel they are entitled to.
    Security offered by these homes compared to independent living.
    Children living abroad, want to provide a comfortable life to their parents who dont want to migrate.
    Maintain their identity with freedom to visit their children as and when they feel like it.
    Issueless couple or single unmarried/widowed individuals.
    Very few cases where children expressed their inability to take care of their parents
    These are cases where seniors are economically independent.
    I came across an interesting case-the man 85 and the lady 78,extremely orthodox, groaning and grunting in the Home.The lady I believe ill treated her MIL so much that it was the talk of the neighbourhood.Today their son has married a Thai girl and is living abroad.The Daughter and SIL have taken away all their resources for safe keeping and the old couple have to manage with his pension. More than that,they dont take food outside and have to run the kitchen. Close relatives confirm that the old couple deserve this punishment.
    The moral of the story is that one has to set an example to the children so that being considerate to old parents becomes a part of the DNA.I took care of my five sisters and four brothers to educate them and get them well settled.I tended to my parents[father 72 and mother 86]with the result this has become the family trait of our clan of sixty three members.So when you say that you look forward to welcoming your parents,obviously your children will welcome you with open arms.
    SLN
     
    sln, Apr 11, 2019
    sln, Apr 11, 2019
    #64
    sindmani, joylokhi, Mistt and 2 others like this.
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