Compatibility

[JUSTIFY]Parallel but compatible - Blogs - IndusLadies

I wrote the above blog on June 19, 2012 to present what I believe should be the characteristics of a good family. Is it possible, nay, is it necessary for the husband and wife to have identical thoughts, similar execution style and same level of understanding on each subject? It is absolutely impossible for two separate people who join hands in the name of marriage to have identical values. Married life is all about finding the values of each other, caring for each others welfare, establishing compatibility with each other and making effort to work together to accomplish the well being of the family.

The husband and wife are two important components of a family and how can we chose which one of the rail track is more important than the other? The institution of marriage is a highly sanctified identity that is given to the couple to join hands with an intention to lead an ideal and purposeful life and construct a family. Both have a significant role to play in the family and one can’t function independent of the other. At the point of entry into the wedding both bride and groom should understand they are agreeing to be interdependent and willing to sacrifice their individuality to a certain extent. At the same time, it is not one person totally surrendering their individuality for the welfare of the family and each person should be allowed to have certain level of individuality. No action of a spouse should undermine the self esteem of the other.

Each person has individual values and capabilities and the spouses should respect one another. The family responsibilities are like the wheels of a train on both sides and one side remaining with the husband and another remaining with the wife. Whenever one person pulls too much towards one side, the wheel on the other side will pull its string by resisting the train derailing from its rail track. They should have an understanding that the train runs on the support of both of them. Both are custodians of the family values, health, wealth, prosperity of the family along with the children. They need to construct it carefully like the locomotive that runs on the rail track.

It does not matter who plays the role of pulling the locomotive but the objective is to keep the family on the track. Sometimes, the wife will be the engine powering the locomotive moving fast in the rail track while other times, it could be the husband. In recent times, both spouses work for the financial security of the family. They both have responsibilities to inculcate the family values to the children and protect them from the risks they might be exposed out in the world until they reach the age to make their own independent decision.

When both have roles to play, why is it necessary to establish who is superior to the other? Where is the scope for the spouses to fight with each other when both are needed to construct a family? Mostly, the problems for the family come from involvement of the people outside of the family. If a strong foundation is laid with unconditional love and care for each other like fish plates and crushed stones (ballast), the family train will never derail. First of all, the couple needs to understand the role of each other and establish strong compatibility. They have to understand that they need to run parallel without diminishing their individuality at the same time they need to be interdependent to run the family successfully. The family never becomes a burden if both work together with a common goal to run the family effectively. Both need to be stronger supporting each other. Like the gap between the rail tracks, the differences between the spouses are normal and essential but it is important that they run parallel to have the family safe and secured.
[/JUSTIFY]

 

Dear Syamala,

Thank you for visiting and responding first. It is not possible to have an identical view. The different views of the couple should be viewed healthy so that all angles of the family's welfare are considered at length. We should not aim at synchronization but compatibility of minds. The goal is the same even if views differ. No one wheel is important as both balance the train called "family".

Viswa

 

Dear GG,

Thank you for your response to this post. You are absolutely right. Both tracks should know the family is complete only when the other track makes it. Each should recognize the relevance of the other. If one track drifts due to pressure from the other or on its own, the train called "family" faces derailing risk.

Viswa

 

Dear Vijiakka,

Thank you for your comprehensive and wonderful fb. Please don't say you are not at level with me. You are the most popular writer in IL and no one can even come closer to take your position. You are right about the concept of wife adjusting to the needs of the husband and the husband considered as a leader is a thing of the past. Nowadays, both man and wife are well educated, employed and perfectly capable of taking decisions. Besides, the unconditional love warrants mutual discussion among spouses.

But the trouble starts only when one tries to make the other agree to his/her views without giving an opportunity for the other to freely express his/her views. First of all, the couple should understand perfect synchronization is not possible and they should work towards compatibility. They have to agree on common objectives and as Syamala mentioned they should look at the big picture rather than petty things.

Most importantly, they should be together when tackling the issues of the children. An ideal family is not where there are no differences but how they discuss and resolve such differences and finally derive a decision that everyone will follow. The children watch the parents' actions all the time and the parents should become a role model not only by preaching the children but by practicing the good values that they preach.

Viswa

 

Dear Dinny,

First of all, thank you for taking the time to express your views on this subject. Secondly, I am really very happy to know that you both have perfect understanding of each others strengths and weaknesses. I feel he is perfect for you because you are perfect for him as well.

In my opinion, understanding each others strengths and weaknesses and agreeing to make decisions together is nothing but establishing compatibility. It is important that the couple understands that their views need not be identical and in fact, it is the differences of views that makes the couple evaluate all angles in the best interest of the family. Understanding the differences, strengths and weaknesses, arriving methods that would resolve conflicts and having the common objectives in mind as opposed to trivial things, etc. are critical for the welfare of the family.

The feeling that one is perfect for the other should be mutual. Families where both feel the other one is perfect for him/her is the way to go.

Viswa