Comparing First Love and USA Dream

vjan29 · Feb 6, 2014

I am writing this what I felt in the last two days, suddenly came in my mind. But it will be applicable only for few who are in the same situation.

I joined Eleventh standard in 1992, I chose Science Group with Computer Science, it was become my favorite subject. Also, I started dreaming about USA. Then in college also I took Bsc Comp. Sc. Since then, it become my first love, I mean moving to USA for work. But so far never get chance for long term. My first love become past sad story like most people have failure love story. It will never go out from your heart. I also feel the same way, for every software engineer USA is a dream, I often go into depression or sad mode whenever I think about USA. There may be different countries people travel and get settled, but still USA is always a dream for a software engineer. It's like, kind of first fall in love with someone, later you may get married to any nice person, but still the first love will always be there in your mind. Like in a movie the hero Vijay says, the first love always be there somewhere in the corner of your heart.

I had many short term travel to USA, I tried my level best for long term, but all attempt failed. Going on short term is like, you know this love is not going to get success but still you will meet your lover, at the end sadly you return home. Same way short term trip to USA, you know you cannot stay longer there, but still you will enjoy the two or three months stay. But sad part is, when you return home country, you will miss lot.

I am sure many who settled in USA will say, it's nothing great here, it's all same. Same way, if you are success in your first love, after marriage you will tell to others, love marriage is nothing great, it's all same. So, same way, once you get it and everything will be same like arranged marriage. But when we don't get it only we feel very bad, and it will be there forever in our heart.

One way I am lucky, my wife also has the same first love failure, like she also had a big dream of going to USA. For both of us it was first love, because we had this dream before we met in a company and got married. From then, we both tried and we always failed. So, I am sure how she will also feel bad when she thinks about USA.

Now, I am processing family immigration to a country, it's almost approved and waiting for stamping. But it's different country. Again, I still feel sad when I think about USA. It's like your first love is not successful and now getting ready for arranged marriage, anyway you have to get married and the marriage life will be good. But somewhere in the corner the first love or first dream will keep coming and will be disturbing us.

Again, there may be exceptions, so it will be applicable only who had the same thought and experience.

daksh · Feb 19, 2014

I liked your comparison with the first love. I don't know what to say. But, I could kind of relate to you, as my undergrad is in a different field, but I work in IT, how much ever I grow in my current profession, I always feel as a failure that I could not pursue the field that I chose to study.

But, grass is always greener on the other side, I try to be happy with what I am today, but like you, I always have that feeling somewhere in the back of my mind.