Children Get Affected by Parental Anger

Moumita1 · Jul 13, 2011

It must be thousand times when we have lost our temper in front of our children. The incidents must have been as diverse as a fight with the auto rickshaw driver, or with our spouses, or even with our children, but we have raised our voices and lost our temper. Not exactly an unusual parental behaviour, for I believe, we all, at least most of us, have been raised in households where losing temper in front of the children or at the children is considered to be a normal behaviour. In fact for most of our moms, raising their voices at us and losing temper seemed the only way to vent their daily frustrations in a household where women were generally asked to keep a low profile.

But we believe things have changed. We believe that we are bringing up our children in a manner totally different from our parents, and we believe we are more open and more communicative with our children than our parents ever were. But in one place we have remained just the same as our parents, when we lose our tempers in front of children. Can we change this utterly dispensable habit of ours? We, the smarter parents (or so we think), can we manage our anger to set an example in front of our children, and teach them to become better human beings?

Children do get affected by parental displays of temper. They often bear scars of parental aggressive behaviour in their minds and suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, depression, insecurities and behavioural problems. At times they become aggressive and throw a temper tantrum themselves. All this scares me into thinking that my simple act of loss of self control may have repercussions in my child’s life. Unknowingly I am causing her life to move in a different direction. When my child cowers at me losing control, I feel guilty.

It’s been quite some time now that I have been trying to control my anger in front of my daughter. To some extent I think I have succeeded also, but it still remains an uphill task. It’s because I do think that I have a more hands-on and communicative motherhood than my mom, I guess I will keep trying, so one day both me and my child can laugh over such incidents.

zipzipzoomzoom · Jul 13, 2011

It's worse when parents loose their temper when dealing with each other....

AkilaMani · Jul 14, 2011

Dear Moumita,

True... we have grown up in households were parents lose temper in front of their kids and this behavior is what we display in front of our kids.... we feel guilty for having done so, but repeat it again. It has to be a conscious choice we make each and every single day... it will be a huge effort and not entirely successful everytime... but at least to be aware of it and taking a step towards in itself is progress. something i have realized and have been struggling to do... i succeed, i fail, but i never give up... which i think is more important.

Akila

Moumita1 · Jul 14, 2011

zipzipzoomzoom;bt65672 said:

It's worse when parents loose their temper when dealing with each other....
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Yes, these incidents make children afraid, and insecure, and they carry these feelings all the way to adulthood.

sreemanavaneeth · Jul 14, 2011

Dear friend,

If we will shout i do not think that the things will happen to now a days children. If we will keep quiet for not shouting or telling them in a calm manner (controlling anger) which will surely fetch a good result and they themselves will realise the mistake. Children will inturn comment also My parents only to know shout not to analyse the problem by giving solution etc., etc.,Being a parent let us hit the children in the main point and make them realise when they commit mistakes

hetha · Jul 14, 2011

Hi moumita,
Yes, it is very much true. At one point or other we are losing our temper and show to our children who are our immediate target in sence for whatever anger or irritation that we undergo because of other factors or reasons, we show it to them only. I think most of us we undergo this situation.
As akila said we should try and in case if we fail also, we should never give up.

hema

lathaaakkumar · Jul 15, 2011

Hi Moumita

It is true that we have to keep our tempers low with children.As I have told in my thread Parenting and kids Patience does reap its benefits.From my one experience a child who is reasoned with will definitely grow to be wonderful child.So I request all young parents to control their temper, place themselves in the child's position and reason out

forgiven10 · Jul 21, 2011

Agree with Z4. And more so a mother who loses her temper all too often and all too easily, is so hard to rationalize in a little child's mind. All they can think until a certain age is, "I have to hide certain things- I can't share all things with Mom 'cause she'll blow up." Paves a perfect path for distance between child and parent, which only grows with time unless, as you say Moumita, parents fight an uphill battle against it.Very good topic, and writing.

Moumita1 · Jul 21, 2011

forgiven10;bt66167 said:

Agree with Z4. And more so a mother who loses her temper all too often and all too easily, is so hard to rationalize in a little child's mind. All they can think until a certain age is, "I have to hide certain things- I can't share all things with Mom 'cause she'll blow up." Paves a perfect path for distance between child and parent, which only grows with time unless, as you say Moumita, parents fight an uphill battle against it.Very good topic, and writing.
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Hi forgiven10,

You are absolutely correct in saying its display of our anger that drives a wall between our children and us. I wish more and more parents realise this.