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Child Abuse - How do we protect our little girls?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by prathi, Feb 8, 2006.

  1. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Child abuse and molestation are alarmingly increasing around the world. I was shocked when I read the times of India yesterday that a 5-year-old girl was lured with a chocolate and brutally raped by a family acquaintance. She was shaking with fear and bleeding when her mother saw her and the girl recognized the man and they handed him over to the police.


    This is just one instance. IN several cases these cruel beasts kill the child with fear of getting caught by the police. Many a time it is a very close family member who keeps molesting the child for over a period of time, which leaves her mentally disturbed for life.

    Are they human? How can they let these small kids suffer with so much pain and aguish? It is cruel and barbaric. I am totally shocked and fervently praying God to protect all our kids from such abuse.


    How do we protect our girls? How do we warn them? I keep telling my girl not to take any sweets from strangers. I want to tell her not to let anyone touch her. But she is just going to be 5 years old. Will she be prepared if I tell her that? What are the ways in which I can warn her? Elder, experienced parents please advise.
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2006
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  2. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Little girls have to be taught !

    Dear Prathi,
    What you have written is very right. Protecting girl babies & little girls is very important to prevent them from being abused. Our traditional custom of not touching one another in day to day life was perhaps good in some ways because atleast that will strike the child as something " different".
    One must never allow the driver or a male servant to carry a girl baby at all. She should never be allowed to be " handled" by a man, whatever be the situation. We should also teach them " good touch " & " bad touch " ! If you explain to them subtly, with their inborn shrewdness they will grasp it correctly. My FIL used to say that even a father should not kiss or caress the girl baby when the baby is entering the " girl child " stage from the " girl baby" stage. Strict " no" will automatically ring the alarm signal, in a girl's mind, he used to say ! Ofcourse in today's life, if I say this, I will be labelled " old fashioned ". She shoud be strictly taught that some things are not done at all. After all we want to protect our child more than inhibiting her. Gradually she will understand when somebody behaves to her ""differently". I think mothers have to be extra careful when leaving the child with somebody. Without scaring her, we can explain to the child that some things are a definite " no, no". You will be amazed - the girls will understand very well ! That is one of the reasons perhaps, birth of a girl baby was considered an additional responsibility for the mother !
    Love & regards,
    Chithra.
     
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  3. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks

    Dear Mrs.Chithra,

    Thanks for your words of wisdom. Every step of our lives, we can realise that our hindu shasthras (Now called blind beliefs) were not made without any sense. I never used to understand y my mother used to not let me play much with my brother's friends. I used to fret those days. Now being in the same position as her, I can feel the onus of brining up a girl child.I will make it a point to subtly warn my kid in this aspect. I think all the young mothers should put sincere efforts in this respect. Our generation was safer i can say. I think by the passage of every generation the safety and protection is becoming looser.

    Thanks for those words again. They r much needed. Let's hear from other members too.
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2006
  4. sonu_627

    sonu_627 Silver IL'ite

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    should be strictwise

    Hi Prathi,

    As Chitraji had said girls should be taught its certainly true... I believe untill they get to understand what is right n good to them and harmful deeds we need to protect them as a shell. As a parents we need to say "NO" to strangers or any other male person in neighbour or family friend or any relative who insist playing with them..Who knows whats goin on in their mind. Because as minor child they cant even say NO because they dont know its right or wrong.

    These days many cases can be read in newspaper about molesting and rape of babies..and mostly the culprits are those whom we are known..Not only baby girl, these days baby boys are molested too.So better we need to keep them in our range and not to trust any one ( no one i mean it ) .

    In our family my mom n dad were particularly strict in this matter. It was like whenever we visit somebody we were always in sight, and no night stay anywhere( school picnic or any relative's house or college camp) They strictly used to bring us back home.

    I used to feel too bad when my dad used to refuse my college camp trip but i can gracefully say it was right decision of his to protect us from such situation.

    Regards
     
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  5. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Children Have To Be Taught, Prathi

    We really live in bad times when it comes to child molestation and all. During our childhood days we had never heard of it. But today every parent has to be prepared. Some useful hints would be:
    a) Never leave the child alone at home.
    b) Don't send the child with a male relative alone.
    c) If you are in a hotel or theatre and the child wants use the rest room you should go along. Recently in Taj Coramandal Hotel a family sent their 8 year old child with the bearer to the restroom. The bearer raped the child. The child promptly reported it to the parents who got the offender arrested.
    d) Don't send the child to school in a private car/taxi/auto etc. School bus is the safest. In Madurai all good schools are employing lady conductors. Insist that your child's school should also do that.
    e) Tell your child it is not okay for anybody (whether it is a lady or a man) to touch her anywhere without her consent. The best protection is her ability to scream. If somebody touches her teach her to shout.
    f) Be friendly with the child and have the child narrate what happened in school on that day. Once you build up that practice then the child will feel free to tell anything. God has given the child some intrinsic intelligence. Seeing some of the relatives the child will feel highly uncomfortable. Make the child keep a good distance from such people.
    varalotti
     
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  6. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for your detailed reply!

    Dear Varalotti,

    Thanks for a very detailed reply. These points will really be of great help for all young parents. I am quite friendly to my daughter and ask her all the happenigs at her school and about her friends-Thanks to my mother who has maintained such a relation with me. The day would never end without me talking to her about everything that happened in the school or college that day.

    Thanks again!!!
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2006
  7. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

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    this subject disturbs / scares me a lot.............

    Dear Prathi,

    would like to share my views on this subject.
    Once I was chatting with a HM (male) of a known school here. It was just after the festival, Shankranthi (pongal for tamils). for this festival we have this custom of giving til seeds & jaggery. just then a 8th std student (girl) walked in while we were chatting and gave this pack of til to the HM. I think any normal person would just pick up the packet and wish them but this man, got up his chair, went near this girl, his hand started moving all over her hand till shoulders, then holds her face with both his hands and goes very close to see if she was wearing a bindi and then whispers something to her and picks up the packet from the tray. I felt miserable looking at that. from then on, I've been trying to caution my daughter about it.

    at home, we are never too physical with her. I just pat her and give her a goodnight kiss and a morning hug, thats it.

    this is one fear that will keep us on toes as they grow up. my hubby always treats her like an adult and I cite that as an eg for her to understand.

    Another important thing is to sit with the child when they come back from school and chat about the happenings that day. if the relationship is open and if they believe in us then half the trouble is over.

    I've seen parents leave their girl child with neighbours /friends while visiting clubs, and late night shows and I feel thats the deadliest mistake anyone can do. Never leave the child with others anytime.

    Sridhar, thanks for sharing the taj incident. I used to allow my daughter to wander around whenever we are in a star hotels and used to think its safe. whether its star hotels or house, they are again human - beast is a beast irrespective of the place.

    Chitra, I've noted down your points tooo and agree totally with ur views.

    Prathi, thnaks for starting this thread - we learn a lot out of these.
     
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  8. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Meena

    Thanks Meena for sharing ur views.

    The incident u mentioned drives home the point that the school is not a completely safe haven for our kids. I also read that a techer of a rural hghschool raped many of his girl students. We cant change them but at least can be cautious.

    So, creating AWARENESS is the key and thanks to the words of wisdom from you all, we are now familiar with how to create that among the kids.

    Thanks again, Meena.
     
  9. geevee68

    geevee68 Platinum IL'ite

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    You have to be very very strict with your child about talking to strangers,going near them etc.Once a victim of any form of abuse,it can scar a person & it is irrepairable.There is absolutely no going back on that.Abuse can happen from even close relatives.please advise her regarding any kind of touch which makes her uncomfortable & tell her to tell you immediately if any such things happen.Prevention is any day better!
     
  10. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Child Abuse - How do we protect our little girls? (why not boys)

    Agree with you there completely. I have met way too many people who were abused by relatives, extended family, family friends who may have the trust of the parents and free access to the child therefore. Apart from Stranger Danger, it is very good to know good touch, bad touch and tell the parents immediately.
    Some very senior members have responded here with their experience. And solid advice at that. But what bothers me is the lack of mention of boys or female abusers. And this myth that child abuse has increased only of late. It was such a taboo subject even 5 years ago, there has been increased sensitisation on the part of the media and increased reportage of late, not an increase in number of incidence.
    A study done in Chennai among 2500-odd school students said 48 percent of boys and 39 percent of girls were abused - yes boys were abused more than girls in that study population. Especially severe abuse like rape or forced anal/oral sex. By both women and men.
    Why you may ask? Well, Boys dont get pregnant. But emotional scarring is just the same for all of us - no boys tougher, women more fragile nonsense. With boys, the abused more often becomes an abuser later in life, than is the case with girl abused.
    SO please, those of us with boys, let's also tell them good touch, bad touch. To scream, bite, kick and run when someone touches them in a way that the child is not comfortable with. Teach your children all body parts with the correct usage. No susu part, no wee wee but penis and vulva. Let's empower our children to stand up for themselves and when they have, let's back them up and support them.
     

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