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Cheeniya And His Alter Ego

Discussion in 'Cheeniya's Senile Ramblings' started by Cheeniya, Jun 9, 2017.

  1. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @Iravati
    On donkeys
    Diogenes: If you don't have a mustache there, your name would be cleanshave but that mush makes you neatshave. Nietzsche : I am not Neatshave. I am Nietzsche. (Sounds offended)
    Diogenes : I am searching for a honest man
    Nietzsche: And I am searching for a Superman. And I must hurry. Both my car and myself are about to break down.
    Diogenes: My dwelling used to be quiet and well lit. You guys swarm here as if it is a pilgrim centre. I can never find a honest Man in a pilgrim centre.
    Oscar Wilde: Very well expressed. Take my donkey as a gift of my appreciation.
    Diogenes: I wanted a honest man and you give me a donkey. Is that a joke?
    Oscar Wilde: Donkeys are the most honest animals. Since you have not been successful in finding a honest man, at least keep this donkey instead.
    Diogenes: Where can I find a honest man? These guys are peddling supermen and I don't need them.
    Oscar Wilde: That's the crux of the matter. It is much easier to find a superman than a honest man.
     
  2. Iravati

    Iravati Gold IL'ite

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    Diogenes: I cannot take this anymore. This chaos is impeding my pursuit. You, Neatshave, can you give me a ride?
    Nietzsche: Who, me? Dude (trembling), I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown, what part of it don't you understand?
    Diogenes: I am out! That's it! No! I am not out! You all get out! Leave me alone.
    Oscar Wilde: Look man, take my 'honest donkey' and ditch your 'honest man' crusade. My donkey shall carry all your lanterns.

    (Chesterton enters)

    Chesterton: Is anyone interested in my latest poem?
    Oscar Wilde: Shoot, man!
    Chesterton: No thanks. I am a pacifist. Here is my artistic verse on a donkey.
    Diogenes: Eh, that man is hard-selling me a donkey and you arrive with a tie-in poem on that offer? What is this donkey mania?
    Nietzsche: The world is not going to the dogs, it is going to the donkeys. God is dead! Dogs are dead! Men are dead! There are only donkeys.
    Diogenes: Can someone calm this Neatshave. He is inducing anxiety in me. You, Chesterton, do you know where I can find an honest man.
    Chesterton: Where does a wise man hide a pebble?
    Diogenes: I am looking for an honest man not a wise man. Phu!
    Chesterton: Where does a wise man hide his leaf?
    Diogenes: How am I know to where these men hide their pebbles and leaves and knives! Do I look like a metal detector to you? Can someone get me out of here.
    Nietzsche: Just so you know, I don't hide anything in my flamy moustache.

    Donkey: Excuse me!
    (every startled)

    All: You talk?
    Donkey: Yes, I can converse in English, Spanish, French, Sanskrit and started learning Mandarin recently.
    Diogenes: Do you know any honest man Mr. Donkey?
    Donkey: What do you think of me? I let every Tom, Dick, Harry and Honest mount me? I too have a taste. By the way, who is this Honest?

    (Oscar Wilde re-enters)

    Oscar Wilde: There you are! I was searching for you. Giddy up, donkey! Let's go.
    Diogenes: Do you know that your donkey talks?
    Oscar Wilde: Ho, ho! His Mandarin is only heating up with my tutoring. Give him a month and he will dazzle. Dude, I am writing a play called "The Importance Of Being ___", I am searching for a word to fill in. What should I use?
    Diogenes: Do I care whether you use Honest or Earnest?
    Oscar Wilde: You are a funny man and a great inspiration. Hip, hip, let's go donkey. Enough chewing those books. I shall teach you Zulu on the way.

    upload_2017-7-27_17-14-39.png

    Diogenes: I am flustered. Is there no honest man around?
    Chesterton: Where does a wise man hide an honest man?
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2017
  3. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @Iravati
    A quick meeting of Socrates, Antisthenes, Plato and a couple of similarly clad guys is summoned.
    Socrates chairs the meeting.
    Socrates: Gentlemen, the time has come for us to be less gentle.
    Plato: I do not get you
    Socrates: You never get anything I say. And you don't let me complete what I have come to say.
    Plato: I beg your pardon.
    Socrates : Don't beg. Ask and it shall be given to you
    Antisthenes: Are we not digressing even before one word is spoken about the purpose of the meeting today?
    Socrates: Thanks for reminding. It is about this Diogenes, the chap with a daylight lantern
    Antisthenes: What is wrong with him? He has been one of my loyal students.
    Plato: I now get where you are driving Socrates. Even I am disturbed by some of his recent actions. He is seriously after getting popularity.
    Socrates: Precisely. Look at the kind of crowd he is gathering. Take this Oscar Wilde. He has become wilder in the company of Diogenes.
    Plato: (with a shudder) And this Bernard Shah! And guys whose names do not enter my mouth.
    Socrates: Diogenes keeps asking these dark people for some honest man. Antisthenes! Is this what you have taught him?
    Antisthenes: He was alright at the classroom. But I don't know when this honest man syndrome struck him!
    Plato: And he is asking all kinds of wrong people for a honest man.
    Socrates: My question is basic. Why is he looking for a honest man? To feed him with some hemlock?
    Plato: And the way he is asking him to show a honest man! We must do something about it.
    Socrates: We may have to prise him out of the unholy gang if our honour is to remain intact.
    (He drags the two guys who have been silent participants) Let's send these two as two honest men. We'll let them carry a certificate to that effect signed by all of us.
    Antisthenes: What if he refuses to play ball and keeps asking for a honest man? As his teacher, I permit you to gag him.
     
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  4. Iravati

    Iravati Gold IL'ite

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    @Cheeniya

    (the next morning)

    Antisthenes: Did your men find Diogenes?
    Socrates: He escaped before we could seize him.
    Antisthenes: Hoho! I am proud of him. I taught him Alcatraz manoeuvres to escape from prison camps. He put them to good use.
    Socrates: Will you stop this self-congratulatory tone. The recent events are weighing me down. My trial date is also coming up soon.
    Plato: I have a plan.
    Socrates: Pray, tell me your plan.
    Plato: Let's infiltrate the bohemian crowd he is hanging out with these days and apprehend Diogenes.
    Socrates: And how do we intend to do that?
    Antisthenes: I know. We send a woman this time.
    Socrates: Yikes! Am I colluding with bunch of chimpanzees here who toss such flaky ideas.
    Plato: Actually two thousand years from now, Darwin would write you off as a monkey.
    Antisthenes: Silence! Listen, we send a woman and lure him into Plato's cave and seize him. Then, we will bring him back and fumigate his head to remove foolish thoughts on honesty.
    Plato: That sounds like a plan.

    Socrates: Who is our woman?
    Plato: Let's send our Sappho.
    Socrates: Dude, Sappho to lure Diogenes? She might settle in that bohemian crowd.
    Plato: Sorry, how about our Circe?
    Socrates: She has a thriving ham factory now with all those transformed swines.
    Plato: What about our Helen of Troy?
    Socrates: Homer won't copyright her to anyone. She is under a ten year contract in his epic production.
    Plato: Siren Sisters?
    Socrates: They have throat infection.
    Plato: Pandora?
    Socrates: She could not take care of a simple box, how will she lure a man?
    Antisthenes: May I interrupt?
    Socrates: Sure, we are only cleaning up your mess. A thought from you would be befitting.
    Antisthenes: Let's kidnap him.
    Socrates & Plato: K-I-D-N-A-P !!
    Antisthenes: We have no option. Let's kidnap him.
     
  5. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Antisthenes: Escaped? I told you to carry a lantern like him. If he sees a lot of guys carrying a lantern in broad daylight, he would think that his tribe has increased and join you to ensure that he is our Abou Ben Adam!
    Socrates: It is rather unusual for you to utter a two line speech!
    Antisthenes: Because I am worried. Can't you see that?
    Plato : Worried? This is not the time for worry. It is the time for action.
    Socrates: It was difficult to trace him even when he was the soul daylight lantern carrier. Now there are hundreds!
    Antisthenes: Are they all looking for a good man? They may not get even one each
    Plato: Perhaps they will all locate each other as good men and be happy.
    Socrates: Then what will happen to us?
    Antisthenes: You will be fed hemlock and killed. Be ready with your final speech.
    Plato: Don't worry Socratesji. I'll ensure that your memory continues to haunt people.
    Socrates: You guys talk as if I am already a goner!
    Antisthenes: We are digressing! We are supposed to be on the look out for Diogenes
    Plato: I suggest we give up the search. It was difficult even when he was the sole daylight lantern bearer.
    Socrates: I agree with Plato. He never made a more sensible suggestion!
    Antisthenes: Amen!
     
  6. Iravati

    Iravati Gold IL'ite

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    (In the other timeline)

    Wilde: Man, you seem to be in good spirits today.
    Diogenes: Telegram from my master, Antisthenes.
    Wilde: What did he write?
    Nietzsche: Anarchy! We should burn down everything and start refresh. We should burn our morals. We should flung away our scriptures. We should reinvent the century.
    Wilde: Moustachio, cool down. So, what did your Master write to you?
    Diogenes: He wants me back.
    Wilde: These families and kith tie you down. A man like you should not stray for too long in our world. You should snap out of your delusion with an honest man.
    Nietzsche: Give me the lantern, I shall burn this whole place.
    Diogenes: I won't return till I find an honest man. Socrates and his conniving lackey Plato can do what they want.
    Nietzsche: Tell me where they stay. I will knock them out cold. The world is dead! Everyone is dead!
    Diogenes: Is our Neatshave always been this uptight?
    Wilde: Nah, he was fine up until recently. Then he read the works of Schopenhauer and lost his mind.
    Diogenes: What is this "Shopping Hour"? What kind of a discount is that?
    Wilde: Schopenhauer! Schopenhauer, that man with two woollen buns for head hair. Our Moustachio lost his head after reading the writings of Wool Bun.
    Diogenes: Your generation produced kooky scholars who lost their marbles in that thicket of hair growth.
    Nietzsche: Super man you should jump off from the cliff!
    Diogenes: I came looking for an honest man and found a neatshave man and shopping man. I might as well return to my timeline. I will write to my Master tonight.
    Nietzsche: There is no master and slave race! We should exterminate everyone.

    upload_2017-8-10_15-7-52.png
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2017
  7. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @Iravati
    (Confession time)
    Diogenes: Wilde and Nietzsche! It's now confession time!
    Wilde: Confession? It's a bad habit
    Nietzsche: Let him say what he has come to say. Don't keep interrupting with your wisecracks.
    Diogenes: I have a problem of which no one knows
    Wilde: All of us have problems which others do not know. I have some problems of which even I have no knowledge!
    Nietzsche: Your main problem is that you don't allow others to talk. Are we going to listen to Diogenes or not? I can't be wasting my time here.
    Wilde: People know the value of time only when they waste it.
    Diogenes: Gentlemen, please lend me your ears! I have a confession to make.
    Nietzsche: Don't be a rabbit. Just go on! We are all ears.
    Diogenes: I am suffering from a condition which is called Hemeralopia.
    Wilde: What the hell is that?
    Diogenes: It makes me virtually blind in broad daylight. I did not want anyone to know about it.
    Wilde: So?
    Diogenes: A cousin of mine asked me not to talk to anyone about it.
    Wilde: Is he the one who advised you to carry a lantern in broad daylight?
    Diogenes: Yes he is! But this searching for a honest man is my own idea (Smiles) Don't I need a reason for carrying a lantern at broad daylight?
    Nietzsche: Does no one ask you why you are not conducting this search at night too since you are carrying a lantern anyway?
    Diogenes: By jove, some people did ask! I told them I did not want to disturb a honest man while he slept.
    Wilde: It's a good story. Pity I did not think about it myself. I would have spun a memorable story.
    Nietzsche: It's time you stop bragging about your writing prowess, Wilde. You bore me.
    Diogenes: Keep quarrelling gentlemen. I must reach home before the lantern runs out of oil. I may fall into some ditch and my real story will be out.
    (Walks away pointing the lantern at all ditches enroute)
     
  8. Iravati

    Iravati Gold IL'ite

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    Alt-Ira: What is with you? You look as if an errant intercontinental ballistic missile from North Korea dropped on your head?
    Alt-Sri: 30 pages with 300 replies!
    Alt-Ira: That Sri and Ira again?
    Alt-Sri: Again, indeed!
    Alt-Ira: What did they yap about?
    Alt-Sri: They invented a new genre called "ramble".
    Alt-Ira: But our man already covered it.
    Alt-Sri: Then it is "nonsensical ramble" these days.
    Alt-Ira: You mean like nonstop ..
    Alt-Sri: Nonstop is still better but nonsensical is murderous. They hardly care what they are rambling these days on.
    Alt-Ira: Who is their inspiration?
    Alt-Sri: A donkey.
    Alt-Ira: Eh, a donkey?
    Alt-Sri: Rather, they trumped up a donkey to inspire them.
    Alt-Ira: Weirdos!
    Alt-Sri: Do you have a comb?
    Alt-Ira: Didn't I tell you that my hair resembles a bowerbird's nest? Why would I need one? Why do you need it?
    Alt-Sri: My hair has started growing.
    Alt-Ira: That's a miracle.
    Alt-Sri: No, that's a ruse to protect my head from their nonsensical senility.
    Alt-Ira: God save them.
    Alt-Sri: God has abandoned them. Rather, they drove away God from that thread.
    Diogenes: Excuse me, I heard you muttering something. Is God an honest man?
    Nietzsche: You, Mr Hemeralopia, your lantern is aggravating my breakdown. Can you use a torch?
     
  9. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Sri: These AltEgos have become unfairly critical of us.
    Ira: What makes you say that?
    Sri: Listen to them talking about us all the time. What does it show?
    Ira: It could be their abiding interest in what we are doing
    Sri: They are jealous that over 9200 people have gone through our nonsensical ramble
    Ira: How do you say that?
    Sri: Just listen to them chatting. It is as visible as a sore in the palm!
    Ira: How do we tackle them?
    Sri; Why should we try to tackle them? They have just started whining and soon they may not even have time for us.
    Ira: You mean that all the whining will gather a crowd around them like what happened to Diogenes.
    Sri: Precisely. There is a local saying that there will be a minimum gathering of 10 fellows around a madcap.
    Ira: Don't you feel sorry for them? After all they have been our alter egos all our life
    Sri: No I don't. They always had an air of superiority. And they do it by making us look like madcaps!
    Ira: What do you suggest then?
    Sri: Never mind. Fortunately their visits are few and far between. And no one can hear them except you and me.
    Ira: You are right. Pay no attention to them (She takes a piece of paper and draws the picture of her alter ego)
     
  10. SCSusila

    SCSusila Silver IL'ite

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    Very nice conversation between Self and Alterego .
    Alterego is a friend in need and a good friend indeed . It is always available for consultation or just a chat . Sometimes , this alterego , which stores everything our Mother advised , will become the Old Nanny and boss over us and we may resent that . But later, we will be grateful too.

    Whenever i think or read of Alterego , Innervoice etc , I alays remember the funny scenes in old movies when the Manasakshi will appear next to character and give a peculiar laugh and the character will get scared and stammer ' who are you ! '
    .i like my Manasakshi and friendly with her , but I dont want her to appear suddenly beside me , wearing a black saree and laughing her peculiar laugh .
     

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