1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Caught Between Mother And Mother-in-law

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by pni, Jun 13, 2019 at 3:29 PM.

  1. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,825
    Likes Received:
    1,926
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Your MIL helped during the second pregnancy..Wasn't that on the basis that it was her son's child? Why does you husband behave like it was a favor only for you? Tell him he is obliged to help his mom and make an arrangement just like you are doing..Don't take the headache of your MIL solely on your head especially when her another son lives in the same city..To be honest, the setup created for your mom is understandable since her son lives abroad..Not many would like to relocate abroad in old age..
     
    pocahontas, Rihana and shravs3 like this.
  2. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    955
    Likes Received:
    1,931
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Looks like the way for you to get out of this situation is for you to fight as well n not be in talking terms with them, then you can also behave like the other brothers.

    First of all, your fight should be for equal responsibility..
    6 months your brother takes care of your mom.
    N 6 months your bil takes care of your mil.
    Fight as much as you can for it.

    If that fails, second option is to make your life easier with the money.
    How?
    Hire enough help, don’t give in. Say you can’t take it anymore. Or say you are going to end up in hospital.

    Live in nurse / help for your mom. So if she faints again, someone is there along with her n also stay at the hospital n all, this is much better than an old age home option.

    Get a live-in at your home too, who can take your mil for her appointments, cook, clean.

    This way, you can manage both in a much better/ easier way. Enough with the running around.

    I believe that it’s our responsibility to take care of our parents. But it’s upto you to find a way to manage it in a sane way. Don’t lose yourself in this mess. You have a kid too that needs you.
     
  3. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    413
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    I feel very bad for you and really furious at how selfish the guys are in this situation ( your brother and BIL). How selfish your SIL and Co-sister are, wow. This is just terrible.

    You make both of them to pay for a nurse for your MIL and Mom and you take some rest.
    Let the nurse take care of running to the hospital, buying medicines and caring for them. Let your bro and BIL pay (50k-70k) each month for the nurse. Tell them point blank you cant do this anymore.Your kids and your health are a priority. period.

    There are many agencies in big cities where you can hire a home nurse. Let them spend the money or share the burden.
     
    Radha99 likes this.
  4. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    893
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    every word written by @yellowmango mango is 100 per cent right . I am sorry but you are being taken advantage of and no one can help you if you dont stand up for yourself .
     
  5. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,012
    Likes Received:
    1,976
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    What is the equation between your mom and MIL. If they are in good terms is it possible to bring your mom also in to your home. I know a family with that set up as kids stay in USA, mil and mom in their home in India. Then you can hire nurse to attend their needs. Anyway you have to hire help to manage this situation if you handle it alone. You dont have to take financial responsibility, let other kids of moms share it with you.

    Your MIL take care of you during pregnancy, good, but your mom take care you all these life. Which is more valuable? You need to give preference to mom while helping your dh to take care of his mom. Its his responsibility than yours. Let him do his part well before asking you to do so.

    If its not possible, you need to figure out what you can do and what you cannot. Be firm and fight for your rights. you need to take care yourself well. If you don't stand for yourself, everyone will take you for granted and use you to maximum. Learn to say NO wherever needed.
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  6. pni

    pni New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks you very much for all your inputs. Saying no is the biggest challenge now. I dunno how to say it. This all started with my bro. telling to put mom in a home.My husband sticked to this without mentioning old age home. I tried telling its bil responsibility too to care his mom, but he turns deaf ear, says don't bring him into this. My fil stayed with bil family in his last stage, so he says he will take care of mil till last stage and want me to support him. Anyways, i am making my mind to say no and concentrate on my health as of now. Thanks once again to all ladies for ur wonderfull responses.
     

Share This Page