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Catholic - hindu married life - suggestions needed

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Serene23, Jan 11, 2012.

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  1. Serene23

    Serene23 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear ILs,

    My partner is a catholic and me a hindu. Parents have agreed despite some apprehensions. I want to know how other inter-religion couples have faced these decisions? I dont need suggestions from people who are not for such marriages.
    Me and my partner have had elaborate discussions on some topics but clearly I know that these are the important ones. I trust my partners word but at the same time am flexible if we have to act according to situations.
    1. Children's religion: We have decided that they will follow both traditions and rituals.
    The problem is baptism. First I had clearly said no to this and till today my partner has said it is my choice when the time comes. He understands that I am skeptical about it. Infact I dont have a problem with the ritual - I know it stands for following only christianity - If that is the case my partner himself should not be visiting temples/rituals with me. If you look at it religiously it is restrictive but practically I know my children will be both. But it is the perception that we will give to others that bothers me. You can say I am confused here.
    2. On paper, I wish we can have something neutral. But is this practical and possible in Indian condition?
    3. We have also agreed that the child's first name will be a Indian name followed by his surname. Mainly because I want my parents to be comfortable with the names.
    4. Food: I am strict vegetarian by choice and belief. He eats when he visits his place but otherwise has stopped. We have agreed that once kids come, he will have to stop, since I want the kids atleast initially to be veg. He does not want to eat out also since he does not want to lie to the kids saying that he does not eat. We will discussed what happens when his parents come home etc. My question is: is it practical to expect him to stop completely? I wish he can but I also know that I cannot expect/control this.
     
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  2. umaakumar

    umaakumar Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Serene,

    Inter religion wedding is not new today and we have scores of people getting married. Most Parents too now a days are not too rigid and do not look at religion as a criteria if the groom or the bride are suitable.

    You seem to have discussed everything and are quite clear in your minds, then why this post to know what others have faced after of before marriage? Are you scared of something ?

    Regards,
    Uma
     
  3. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Serene,
    Congratulations on your wedding!!
    I understand urs is a love marriage. Your post suggests that all these have already been discussed with your spouse. Am glad that he understands all your points.
    1. Children's religion: We have decided that they will follow both traditions and rituals.
    The problem is baptism. First I had clearly said no to this and till today my partner has said it is my choice when the time comes. He understands that I am skeptical about it. Infact I dont have a problem with the ritual - I know it stands for following only christianity - If that is the case my partner himself should not be visiting temples/rituals with me. If you look at it religiously it is restrictive but practically I know my children will be both. But it is the perception that we will give to others that bothers me. You can say I am confused here

    Helping a child understand and respect both the religions is a good practice. But have you thought of an answer to the following questions tht ur kids would mostlikely ask "Momma, which God do i pray to, when in times of trouble?". "Mom,why cant we all sit together and pray?".
    Mine is a love marriage. I come from brahmin family and he is a catholic. It was my choice to get baptized.Kids very much follow christianity . Reason - We wanted to be united as a family (with regards to religion)and pray together. Thats ofcourse my story.
    2. On paper, I wish we can have something neutral. But is this practical and possible in Indian condition? No Idea
    3. We have also agreed that the child's first name will be a Indian name followed by his surname. Mainly because I want my parents to be comfortable with the names. - Happy about this. My kids - first one has a hindu name as her first name and second one has a catholic name as first name.We decided kids wil have both names(hindu and catholic).
    4. Food: I am strict vegetarian by choice and belief. He eats when he visits his place but otherwise has stopped. We have agreed that once kids come, he will have to stop, since I want the kids atleast initially to be veg. He does not want to eat out also since he does not want to lie to the kids saying that he does not eat. We will discussed what happens when his parents come home etc. My question is: is it practical to expect him to stop completely? I wish he can but I also know that I cannot expect/control this.
    I believe food is something personal.
    You must give him freedon to eat what he likes. Just as you like vegetarian food, he likes NV.

    Please do not mind, but let him be what he is. All the while you have been having your say in all the matters.
    Kids religion - your choice.
    Kids names - your choice.
    Kids religion on paper - your choice.
    Food that he eats - your choice.
    He is good enough to respect all that you intend choose. I do not see any point where you respected his choice.
    You love him a lot and thats why u married him. Your love should not change his personlaity but has to enhance it. If you go on changing him, beware he may not have those qualities, that you loved him for.
    Please think over again.
    Wish you all the luck. :)

     
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  4. Serene23

    Serene23 Senior IL'ite

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    Uma: Mainly I wanted to know about the on-paper religion. what do parents choose. Is there a possibility of choosing a neutral or blank and is this practical in the long run.
    There are mixed feeling wrt to children's baptism. Like I said I am a little confused here. If it was only left to me, I would not have done it - maybe just because I am little uncomfortable with it. But I know that it makes a lot of diff for his parents if we do it.

    Your question about being scared - actually thought abt it.. what am I scared about in this.
    I just hope that there are not going to be complications because of the in-laws. They are nice but when it comes to children's religion and names I just hope that they dont have a problem. They have already been told about it once but obviously they would be more happy if children were only catholic.

     
  5. sushmavja

    sushmavja Platinum IL'ite

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    serene,
    am happy that both your parents are convinced..
     
  6. Serene23

    Serene23 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi sbonigala,
    Thanks for your wishes but we are not yet married:). things have just settled with our parents.
    1. On your comment about praying as a family I have no issue going to the church as a family nor does he have a problem coming to the temple. We visit often both places and will stick to that once kids come. The same will apply to all rituals and festivals too.
    I dont think I am restricting my Kid's religion to my own here. We want to expose them to both. But like you say we need to be prepared to answer some questions when the time comes. I will probably ask them what their favorite god is and ask them to pray when in need. We are not biased here.
    2. Kids religion on paper - we have not yet made any choice here :). I just wanted to know what others have done in a similar situation when they have chosen to expose them to both religions.

    I agree that Kids type of name is my choice but the surname will be catholic anyways. And yes on food. Like I said before I myself feel its an bad expectation. But its not a demand from me:)



     
  7. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    :) Am happy that you took my response a positive sense. usually people end up in an argument. Am glad it dint happen here.
    Wish you all the very best and make sure you have a rocking time during wedding - its once in life time chance to indulge ;-)
    Wish you all the luck once again.
     
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  8. kiranavvari

    kiranavvari Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Serene,

    I pitched in to answer for the religion on paper. I think we have an option of not revealing our religion/caste. We chose not to reveal our caste/religion in recent census though we both belong to same religion/caste. I dont want to comment on other things as I don't belong to that category.

    Thanks.
     
  9. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Serene,

    I remember from ur other thread that the parents were to meet...congrats on clearing that step:)

    This is what my husband and I decided...we both follow our respective religions and decided to teach the kids both and let them decide on their own choice once they grow. Like you I don't want my kids to be baptized. But if they grow older and decide that they would like to follow an organized religion, then yes it is up to them. As for how this goes, several of my friends made the same choice while I do know others who wanted their kids to be baptized...so it depeds on how the two of you feel about it. As for the family, some of my inlaws are a bit unhappy about it but it is really our decision...I don't tell them how to raise their children.

    I am a veggie and don't cook meat at home. My husband eats non veg outside the house-at times. As for the children, we decided that they will be vegetarians until they are old enough to make their own decisions...we've settled on 16 yrs. A for the practicality of stopping...here's food for thought. My sister in law went veggie to support her daughter who turned veggie too. The daughter went back to eating non veg but my sister in law can't eat meat any more...it doesn't agree with her system. She continues to be a vegetarian...more stringent than most veggies I know!

    As for the names, I decided on a name which raised everyone's eyebrows...because it is from an Urdu song. Fact is, my husband likes the name... if he hadn't liked the name that would be open for discussion of course...so stay with what you two are comfortable with leave room open for negotiation (which you seem to do of course).

    Have fun...
     
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  10. Serene23

    Serene23 Senior IL'ite

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    Can we do the same in a birth certificate? Not too sure

     
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