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Can’t Forget That Incident

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shravs3, Jul 25, 2018.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    During my marriage my In laws were supposed to give certain amount of gold jewellery. So before marriage my MIL took us to some jewellery shops , so we all selected and ordered it .

    Casually my parents enquired my MIL about my jewellery if it got delivered or not . For which she replied yes and only bangles were left.

    After 2 months When me and my parents went to the same shop again for purchasing some other jewellery , the shop owner asked us why did we cancell the previous order .

    We where very confused. We never told them to cancel any order. In front of everyone my mil ordered it.

    So we where under assumption that they already received the jewellery from the shop.

    Later my father called my inlaws and asked the same. Then they cooked up some story and said that my FIL dint like the design so we had to cancel which was not convincing at all .

    We got very angry cos my MIL had forced me to apply leave so we can go for jewellery selection and inspite of calling us and making us select now the whole thing whatever I selected was different.

    On the day of marriage when I saw those bangles Me and my parents were shocked cos it was some 30 years old design which we hadn’t selected at all. I like jewellery to be trendy and I am little particular about designs.

    Slowly after marriage got to know that they cancelled that order because of making charge .

    Main culprit is my MILs brother. He is into gold jewellery business . He made them cancel all the jewellery I selected . And he buys all trendy and good stuff for his wife and kids. But why the hell he spoiled my jewellery !


    I get so angry when I think of that incident . I get so angry that they dint value my opinion inspite of asking me to choose. If at all they had worried about making charge why on earth they should call us and ask to select and then not revealing that all the designs we selected was changed.

    And FYI my MIL shops from GRT and all other big shops . Won’t there be any making charge in such shops!

    And the amount of gold they kept was not too much that they can save huge amounts of making charge!

    Because of that I don’t even have some proper gold bangles to wear as my parents purchased gold before marriage and all where bracelets and necklaces .

    When I confronted the same with my DH he still supports his parents and in turn argues with me.

    All of a sudden this incident keeps coming to my mind and make me feel worse .
    I am scared even for future gold purchase because what if my MIL again taker her brothers opinion and spoils my jewellery shopping .

    Even if I buy jewellery separately with my parents help and without informing DH and inlaws what if they tell me not to buy without taking their opinions . I am worried cos their selection is some age old types and always worried about making charge. I am a person where if I like some design I don’t bother much about other stuffs Except for quality and if it’s within my budget.

    Please give me some tips for the same !
     
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  2. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    If you are getting gold as gift, then IMHO you cant crib about the design etc. some people dont like spending extra on making charges and wastage esp during weddings as they are already spending money for wedding and will look to cut off any extras.

    So now since the gold is yours, you should be able to customzie it per your wish. Get them remade or buy a new design and I think that they should not stop you.
     
  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    But what expenditure will guys side have when all the expenses are to be spent from the bride side. From the food to marriage hall to decoration to return gifts!

    Moreover I wouldn’t have cribbed if they had not involved me and my parents in jewellery shopping . Inspite of applying leave and spending whole day , and without even having courtesy to inform that all the designs are changed . How good is it for them to stay secretive about it. And most embarrassing part was even my aunts had come for shopping that day. When they saw all those jewellery designs on marriage they where shocked because it was way different than wat we selected. And my aunts told that we never did such thing to our DIL look at these people!Hearing that I felt even more bad.

    Yes I am definitely going to exchange.
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2018
  4. goldenhoney87

    goldenhoney87 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear sharvs3
    Sometimes even though inlaws are capable of buying they won't be very much inclined to spend on their daughter in law.We need to accept this.May be she never wanted to say no then and there.
    But they will be ready to do it for their grand children.Take a look at my joke now.I was presented a simplest plain single chain for my engagement.THe model which college going girls wear.The box in which the chain was brought was so big and i was anxiously waiting.When I saw it I felt like "how can anybody on this earth feel like to present this:BangHead: for such an occasion".I looked at my parents they were happy that am getting engaged and on the other hand am totally off looking at that thin chain.FOr the next 15 mins in all the photos i was looking like i was getting engaged without any interest.
    Why do you have to inform inlaws when you are buying gold.YOu can let them know after purchasing.Or you can say your parents gifted it to you.
    You will put yourself in bad light if you talk against his mother even though they are at fault.
    This is what we have to over come.JUst like the way we forgive our close and best friends when they are at fault we need do the same with inlaws.
    We can't ask them face to face.Talking to husband about it will raise more differences between the couple.so there is no better way.Buy whatever you like and you can say its your parents gift.
     
    sindmani, Lalithambigai and shravs3 like this.
  5. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes true!
    I can totally relate to your situation . True some don’t like spending much on Daughter in laws :rage:. But expect other way round
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2018
  6. Socialbee

    Socialbee Silver IL'ite

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    Talk lovey-dovey to your husband and convince him to go to the jewelry shop to change the designs :tongue: Tell him what is the whole point if his wife can’t wear it :crybaby2: After you come back with new jewelry show it to your mil :tonguecrazy: She will be upset and might even scold.. but from next time onwards she won’t change your designs without your permission as it’s going to cost lot more :tonguewink:
     
    sumalynux, Zxcv, rachaputi and 2 others like this.
  7. priyajagadeesh

    priyajagadeesh Senior IL'ite

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    The best thing you can do now is to forget this incident. Now that gold is yours, you can exchange them for better design and do not inform IL about it.

    Sounds like you are newly married and this is not worth fighting for (as it will impact your dynamics with your husband) – you will slowly learn to pick your battles
     
    Lalithambigai and shravs3 like this.
  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hahaha :grinning:. If I was in India definitely I would have done it. :sunglasses:
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2018
  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    True!
     
  10. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Go for the gold shopping with your husband and get what you want if that is not possible if she comes and Does not let u what u want just tell her u won’t wear it if u don’t like it.. say this to your husband too ..
    U have to speak from the beginning itself or else u won’t have opinion or forget abt say..
     
    rachaputi and shravs3 like this.

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