Best age/phase to get pregnant - Pls. wait till DH and DW are in a good relationship

Spiderman1 · Aug 31, 2009

And, no I dont mean a particular age or anything.

My suggestion - Don't expose yourself to getting pregnant (esp. in arranged marriages) until the other big issues in your marriage or resolved. Often times I see some posts in IL where members (probably arranged marriage) get pregnant, have kids, and post about the very basic problems with DH etc.

Having kids is a complication if you haven't even sorted out basic things in your marriage. Pls. wait (if you can) to have kids till your marriage is reasonably settled and both of you feel comfortable with each other.

Otherwise, your stress will increase, and unnecessarily children suffer stress increase too due to fighting and upset parents! Needless for them.

rajalakshmigopal · Aug 31, 2009

Re: Best age/phase to get pregnant - Pls. wait till DH and DW are in a good relations

I agree 100%

Cool1 · Aug 31, 2009

Re: Best age/phase to get pregnant - Pls. wait till DH and DW are in a good relations

Even I agree to this..
I have been married for 1 n half years now and as ususal i am being pestered by all..
But I have told my DH very clearly that first I want our last SIL to get married and settled..And then we will think,..As far as in laws are concerned I only smile at them..Nobody but it should only be the couple deciding for a child..

FirSrk · Aug 31, 2009

Re: Best age/phase to get pregnant - Pls. wait till DH and DW are in a good relations

I agree that a couple need to have a certain level of understanding before attempting the role of parents.

neha1 · Aug 31, 2009

Re: Best age/phase to get pregnant - Pls. wait till DH and DW are in a good relations

Agreed!!!! 100 % true
People think that a kid will bring joy/bonding etc. but,its never never true.
it brings additional responsibilty and less time for each other
i feel most indians who are in US and who have a baby in one year of marriage do it out of boredom or to get citizenship for the baby.only,few do it out of their own interest. this might not be true to all but some women themselves have told me this

couple needs a few years of bonding,understandin,vacationing,finance etc before planning for a baby.

saddestiny · Aug 31, 2009

Re: Best age/phase to get pregnant - Pls. wait till DH and DW are in a good relations

Best phase/age to get pregnant is when you are 'sure' that the partner will make a good mom or dad to your future kid. By a good mom or dad, I mean someone that is well balanced, emotionally stable and a secure person all by themselves- someone that knows how to handle stress/pressure, someone that will be there for you - no matter what.

In our case, mostly it was In-laws disturbances that 'delayed' our progress towards baby-making, but I knew all along that my DH will be a good dad. The time, money, health and everything else has to align 'right'(not perfect) and then we will welcome a baby into our lives. I turn 30 in 6months and have been brainwashed several times now, but above everything else, working on myself, balancing my emotions, getting healthy and moving past the hurdles was very important ! Glad I have done most of it. When time comes, we will have a family.

chitmin · Aug 31, 2009

Re: Best age/phase to get pregnant - Pls. wait till DH and DW are in a good relations

I agree with the original poster...I apologize if I'm offending anyone, but a marriage is much like a "job" (with the exception that quitting a job is far easier than quitting a marriage!). Just as we are often placed in probation for 6 months to a year when we start a new job, similarly, I feel that a new marriage needs that initial probationary period when the couple is getting to know each other--even if it's a 'love' marriage--knowing each other as friends/lovers is way different than actually living together as a marital unit. Also, a baby certainly puts a lot of stress on a relationship..if the relationship is already on shaky ground, then the baby's entry could potentially worsen things....

Spiderman1 · Aug 31, 2009

Re: Best age/phase to get pregnant - Pls. wait till DH and DW are in a good relations

Yes, that's why I did not indicate a particular age or timeframe in the OP. For some people, 6 months is all they need to hit it on, for some it may take 5 years to stabilize. It all varies!

vidhkarthik · Aug 31, 2009

Re: Best age/phase to get pregnant - Pls. wait till DH and DW are in a good relations

I agree with the OP and with chitmin. Chitmin..Marriage is definitely like a job and until you have understood the job very well and excel at it..you cannot be given additional responsibilities. If you cannot handle the existing ones, whats the point in giving you some more? Bang on target..Chitmin.

Jyothisri · Aug 31, 2009

Re: Best age/phase to get pregnant - Pls. wait till DH and DW are in a good relations

I totally agree with the OP. This notion that a baby will bring the couple closer or will solve all problems between the couple is false. So is the concept of getting married to have babies. We need to get out of that mindset. Marriage is not about having babies, it's about living together with a companion for life.

The man and woman need to live a married life as a couple before becoming a family. There is a lot of difference between the two stages and skipping the first stage to go to the next one is not always beneficial.

Others have already said how a baby brings additional responsibility (physical, emotional, financial). The couple needs to be comfortable with themselves before they bring another life to this world - It's not fair on the child!