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Being born last is a curse or boon

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sudhakrishna, Sep 7, 2010.

  1. sudhakrishna

    sudhakrishna Gold IL'ite

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    I am the last in the family. I have brothers and sisters.I always feel that being last i was giving least priority in asking opinions and suggestions. In everybody's mind they think that i will be always young and never grow.Before marriage i was never consulted for any family matter. As i am the darling of the family every body poured affection on me.But when i start giving suggestion immediately i would hear "your are too young to give your opinion"( even at 25+)
    I am married to the last son of a five member family.Here also i am the darling. I am enjoying all previlages like selecting saree of my choice, taking rest doing house hold work.But giving ideas and opinions my thing is least considered.Every body consider me as kid even though i have two kids.Some time my MIL would say on during auspicious days "let sudha have some tiffin, she cannot starve for long she is too young to follow those things".i have so many relaxations which is not allowed for my sistesr in laws.I can understand my MIL's affection but i cannot digest that they didn't consider me a matured lady.
    Please tell me being born lost is a curse or boon.
     
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  2. ramyaseenu

    ramyaseenu Senior IL'ite

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    hey sudha
    lucky you. I am green with envy. How nice to be treated like this in both households. enjoy it while you can. when there are so many people elder to you, it is bound to happen that your opinions will be lost. However, you can still voice your suggestions. definitely over time, people are going to listen and see that their baby has grown up and can be one of them. Till then enjoy being pampered.:thumbsup

    ramya
     
  3. Riyakathir

    Riyakathir Platinum IL'ite

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    hi dear...

    you are standing in a grean valley for me.... but.. you are seeing my valley is grean.....

    i am eldest in my family... and you knw... all priorities will go to my young ones... and i will have nothing at the end.... but.... the source of the money will be me....

    ha ha ha ha ha

    enjoy.. wat you are and wat you get....
     
  4. april1981

    april1981 Gold IL'ite

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    Your post is the perfect example of GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. AND BTW I AM THE ELDEST IN MY FAMILY WITH A YOUNGER SIS.
     
  5. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Count your blessings!
     
  6. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yeah for people like you, no matter what they get is NOT ENOUGH. Sorry but yes its really annoying to see how women try to blame everyone else in the world except their own self.

    So if you are feeling being born as a younger one is a curse to you, then what did you do to change that feeling of your parents/inlaws/co sisters?

    Do you take initiatives at your inlaws house? like getting up before everyone and try making cofee or breakfast and serve to everyone? or during festival days, take ownership of a task like decorating the house or pooja room or cleaning the idols etc and delivering it properly?

    If you feel and think people should ask you , your opinion, for that to happen you have to show your mature side. Just because you have 2 kids doesnt make you mature that too when you are living in a joint family you have to follow the heirarchy system. Dont carry the frustration you had at your parents place to your inlaws place.

    So stop bickering over every small thing in life. If you want things to change, then see what you can do and start taking ownership of more things. But again dont come back and cry over how everyone wants you to do everything and how you are tired trying to satisy everyones need:crazy
     
  7. Custard

    Custard Gold IL'ite

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    Hello Sudha,

    ha ha I can empathise with you! Me too last born with two elder siblings. Same way I was pampered. When I was a kid, I din't bother that my words were not heard(whether right or wrong), it contrast, I felt lighter, I never took part in any discussion, not much responsibility!!!
    :biglaugh
    But ofcourse, after I grew up, I did feel bad. Sometimes it leads to arguments with my parents:bonk. After my mother saw me doing things with responsibilities, she started asking my opinion in various things.But still my father has not changed much.

    The best way is put yourself in others' shoes and see. How will it be for your SILs? What would be going in their minds? I'm sure they are all jealous of you (just like many of us here feel:rotfl). Parents giving privileges - ok. In-laws too, giving so much advantage for a daughter in law - unbelievable. This clearly shows that they too consider you as their own daughter. Seriously you are gifted with such in laws.

    Like Vidya mam says, start doing something that will show your mature side.But, it might take time for others to see you as a responsible person. When everyone starts to look at you, the way you want - a mature adult, you are sure to loose some privileges, be ready for that!
    Now you have an option of what one you want to gain and what to loose - you are in such a position, whereas you SILs have no such option!

    Remember, in all walks of life, we will loose one and gain another.

    All The Best! :thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2010
  8. sudhakrishna

    sudhakrishna Gold IL'ite

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    hi,
    I thank every body for giving their valuable opinion and suggesstion.On one side i am happy that there are so many people with me to take care of me and my kids.But on the other side i had the opinion that i have to play the role of others. I'll be assigned other jobs with all guidelines and methods of doing. only executing part and not the planning part.Definitely i love all my relatives who make my life meaningful.But now i feel one day i will also reach that level. still in the learning phase.
    thank you all have a great day
     
  9. swathi14

    swathi14 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi

    Sudha u r the last in ur family but not the least. Enjoy the previleges and do ur duty. One day, everybody will listen u.


    andal
     
  10. incarnation

    incarnation Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Srividya75 , good post ,

    I am the youngest in my Family and the also in my Inlaws side younger than my SIL but married to the eldest and only son..

    I do agree that people try to belittle , ignore , advice , and think they are incharge of teaching you rituals , even manners and , you dont have a brain ... do you think like that for me... eh ?? I dont think so , many folks simply appreciate my depth , but in parents and inlaws place , they are crazy...Also even when I a mother they think I cannot rear my child ...LOL...
    So I do not crib about that , Infact I stand tall , but they feel highly - superbly highly intimidated by that fact my Sis, mom , father,brother,both sil,mil,fil,dh all...... They cannot digest , infact I am a successful professional , but they just nullify my achievements :rotfl..That is most funny , where as most of them are not sucessful , I have handled many folks in my career and also have extremely high exposure and experience than them , but still they feel insecure and purposely try controlling and commanding over me , which they are not able to , hence they always have a grudge against me....So I live with it and with time , they see my mature decisions at small age and theirs in immature ones in same situation and see how I am not a mentally dependent kid to any of them and what maturity means...But they never want to acknowledge that only they downplay in diff ways my achievements ...

    SO I enjoy that too...Because I am least bothered on what anybody feeks , as long I do the right and sensible thing...
    And you we last borns learn from thier mistakes too , they do not get that ;-)

    -inc
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2010

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