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Balancing Relationship

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Ishaan10, Aug 26, 2019.

  1. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    @SGBV It is very disrespectful for OPs parents to be treated in her daughters house like that, where there is no respect we should not go right, so I said meeting outside of house plan. May be in-laws do that so that her parents will not come often, as they don't like them.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Deleted
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2019
  3. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    "my hubby n mil said come in with a frown face n they behaved that they don't exist...i felt this very disrespectful n asked my parents to leave home...they left with tears..."

    You fell into the trap of mom and son. This is exactly what they wanted.

    Actually you also insulted your parents. You should have reacted the same way like your MIL and dh behaved. Ignore them, and behave like they dont exist and enjoy time with your parents and do whatever you can do to make their stay pleasant. Instead you joined other two... whats this OP? They came all the way to see you and your kids.

    Next time make plans with your parents for their visit. You can go out with them, eat out,if other two are not joining thats fine, cook special dishes for them what ever. Anyway, you should apologize to them for your behavior. Ask them to come often and enjoy with them and kids. Once your are able to travel increase frequency of your visit to them. Call them and make them happy.

    If I were in your place, I wont allow anyone to insult my parents. Past is done we cannot do anything about it. But think about future options. Once the mil and her son find their frown face has no effect, they will stop it.

    But dont behave badly to MIL or husband, treat them well like they were not present during your parents visit. No discussion of it to your dh and MIL, as it wont help the situation. Same way you can request your parents not to exchange any harsh words again. Time will heal. Treat both side well. Talk only good things to both. Never share negative things to both sides.

    Stick with your plan- they are your parents and deserve good treatment from you.
     
    Thyagarajan and confused4sure like this.
  4. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    There is no respect for the parents, so it is obvious that they should not go.
    At the same time there is no respect for the DIL/wife too. Her own parents are not allowed to visit her freely. She is not allowed to invite whoever she wants, and her rights at the place where she lives/where she thinks she belongs to, is not respected.
    So, what would be your suggestion for that?

    It is a trick from the PILs and H to show faces, so that she won't bring her parents in. If they continue to do it, obviously the parents too would get tired of visiting her outside of her home, and eventually stay away from her life.
    This is exactly what abusers want. To cut off the victim from their support system.
    Once everyone starts to stay away from you, you will have no choice other than to bend over backward to whatever their demands.
    Don't feel prey to them.

    It is your life, and you have only one life to live. Don't waste
     
  5. Ishaan10

    Ishaan10 Bronze IL'ite

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    I think I don't have a backbone to stand-up against mil n hubby...i m saying to myself that i want peace at home , so that not demanding my rights...
    To pacify my parents i went to my native place along with them... they stayed in hotel... but I informed my husband that i will go by bus...i don't want to talk to my hubby anything that related with my parents..he doesn't care when I informed him that my parents left...
    N he came to know that I went with them, he started to shout like anything , that i betrayed him etc...
    I don't want to go to him now...but I got leave only for two days...
     
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Let them keep frowned faces but you shouldn’t stop visiting / inviting your parents.
     
  7. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Silver IL'ite

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    Its never too late to grow a "spine".
    Your husband and mil are like narcissist who want to control victim and cut off her support system making her vulnerable. And they are succeeding.

    If your husband keeps his mom at your home then you have every right to atleast invite and welcome your own parents with love and respect.

    If they dont dont respect it's their problem.
    Just enjoy the time with parents and behave as if you have no idea of what the momma bear and grownup sonny bear are upto and what faces they paint!

    If your dh shouts, just tell him to stop calmly and say that if he can stay with his mother 24x7, this is your house too and you can also call your parents once in a while here. Leave from there and don't react to any angry responses after that.

    Stand up for yourself and your parents.
     
  8. Nelumbodd

    Nelumbodd New IL'ite

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    If their town is too far they can stay a night or two in hotel too, as a small kid mother you can;t travel for now.
     

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