Baby Care In The Us With Little Help Or No Help

Thank you dear for wishes.. yes will be in touch..

 

Hi All

My husband and I managed the birth of my our first child together, I am really proud of it. My little one is now 3 months old. This thread gave me confidence and guidance of exactly what to do and how to do. Thanks to @blindpup10 and everyone who helped me to give the confidence and guidance. I am sharing some points based on my experience. Please see if you can find it relevant as per your situation. My personal opinion is that giving suggestions is easy but the suggestion which considers the situation and the people is the best. So I am making a sincere effort to put down the things that I felt, learned based on my experience as a first time mom with no support from elders. Posting the points in my next post. Some of the points maybe repeated from earlier posts in this thread.

Few things about my birth story. I had a healthy and low-risk pregnancy, was doing all the work actively in my pregnancy. No bed-rest no limitations mentioned. Delivered when I was in the 41st week of my pregnancy. I had to be induced still my cervix didn’t dilate eventually leading to a C-section. Delivery happened during the winter.

 

Things to do before getting pregnant
1. Try to build your support system- your friends, people with similar experience, people who are willing to help you.
2. Know who would be coming to support through your delivery- Know who would be with you when your labor has started, your mom or mother inlaw or husband or anyone else. In case of your mom or MIL, it would be good if they are visiting you frequently (so that they know the living conditions) if not ask them to come atleast one month before your delivery month. It will help them to adapt to the environmental conditions, kitchen conditions etc and know what their role would be.
3. Take help of internet forums- If no support of mother or MIL, join Indian women forum on the net and discuss your circumstances, move into apartments where other Indian families live (this may not be feasible all the times), take an effort to connect with them they can be helpful after you deliver.
4. Talk with your husband- Have an open discussion with your husband if he can handle hospitalization and taking tough decisions. Things may not go as you planned and your husband should be able to take decisions helpful for you and your baby. Ask him if he can handle all this stress alone, if he wants any friend or relatives by his side for his support. Make an effort to think from his side too. You can hire a doula to reduce the amount the emotional stress, if you think labor and delivery with only you two would be difficult. Be clear on what help you want from a doula and convey the same. We applied a simple logic which is hiring a doula and her costs may not go above the cost of airplane tickets and insurance of your parents who could have been with you for delivery.
5. Try to do all the things you want to do. Believe in yourself that you can do it.

After conceiving
1. Take rest and eat healthy.
2. Take care of yourself and a baby growing inside you. Think about the creative ways of how you are going to break the news to your family. Think about plan A and plan B both. Do not get frustrated when things do not go as you want to.
3. In 2nd trimester you will start gaining your energy gradually. As you get back the energy make create baby registry. Set up baby’s room. Decorate your baby’s room and other rooms with colorful, attractive, appealing things to baby. They start noticing the things around them soon.
4. Attend birth class, baby care class, connect with new moms.
5. You may have rationally digested the fact that there will be no support from your mother or MIL or no Indian ceremonies during your pregnancy or no one to pamper you but emotionally you may not be able to digest it as a result you may feel alone, distanced from your parents (thank your hormones for this). It is okay to feel like that sometimes. It will be temporary, try to connect with your parents and give them the confidence that you can handle with no support. Tell them the new things you are getting to know, keep sharing ultrasound pics with them.

The second trimester
1. DO THE RESEARCH ON EVERYTHING Do the research on baby’s needs, diapering (cloth diapering or disposable diapers), think positively about your postpartum recovery, research on the ways that will keep you healthy post-delivery. Internet offers negative and positive experiences focus on positive experiences. Make list of things your will need for your delivery and for baby.
2. Enjoy the golden period of pregnancy. Be happy and stress-free

The third trimester
1. In the 3rd trimester, make a list of things you will need and get them. Make place for baby’s closet, research on diapers and wipes, formula (even if you plan breastfeeding, be prepared for what if BF does not work), decide your pediatrician, make a meet and greet appointment and interview peds.
2. As per my experience pregnancy and delivery are two different things. You can have a healthy pregnancy but delivery may not be as you expected or you can have health concerns during the pregnancy but still the delivery may go smoothly. Give importance to your and your baby’s health first.
3. Do not tell people your exact due date, let them know your due month. Due dates are not exact. If you go into labor somewhere around the expected date it is ok but if you do not go into labor at your exact due date people and relatives keep asking which can put pressure on the couple having no support. Understand that it is not a timetable of examination paper, things can happen early or go beyond. People, relatives keep asking what’s the news if they remember your due date and if you are not in labor yet. This can pressurize you, though you are thousand miles away from them.
4. Keep ready dry chutney powders, masalas, some quick paste or powder to eat with hot rice. Pinterest offers a lot of preplanned and pre-made dinner and lunch ideas. This will help after you get home with a baby.
5. Search on the availability of homemade food around you, for initial 1-2 months after getting back to home with baby.
6. Talk to the doctor and understand the birthing options like vaginal delivery, c-section etc. Do not assume that you will have normal or c-section delivery, research about all options and be prepared to shift the options if the situation demands.

After coming home with baby
1. First month is all about you, dad and baby bonding together, understanding each other. Ensuring baby’s weight gain, health of baby.
2. Keep gond laddoo ready to eat after having baby. Get them atleast 15 days before your due date.
3. Keep powder of almond, cashew and pistachio ready so that it can be mixed in milk for a healthy breakfast. (I used to have a stock of protein shakes and coconut water for a quick tummy filling meal).
4. Accept the help from people willing to help you. The help always comes with advice and suggestions. Try to take only the relevant part from suggestions and advice. Helping others is good but if it is disturbing your routine, feeds or sleep be frank and polite to refuse it. You, baby and daddy are the only priority for you. One of my friends used to visit me at 8.30 am to give me food, she used to come in talk to me and hold my baby for sometime. I asked her to come after 12 in the noon, but I think it was not possible for her. I appreciated her help but her timing was not convenient for me. The sleepless nights, anxiety of new parent, hormonal interplay made me a dangerous human being. One day I politely told her, that I am growing cranky and less patient so please take a break for some days (translation in blunt words- I need a break, please stop coming over). I was in no mood to entertain anybody in my first month after baby.
5. Sleep when baby sleeps is easy to tell but cannot be implemented all the times, especially when you have no support for other chores. Try to prioritize eating, sleeping and work.
6. Do not panic if you cannot breastfeed your baby or have low supply. Try to improve the milk supply and see if baby is satisfied, if not, do not feel guilty to switch to formula. With no support, you cannot excel in each and every department and baby’s health is first and foremost then you being a complete woman (ability to exclusively breastfeed). Take care of you and your baby.
7. There will be lots and lots of suggestions. Take them with a smile but do what your motherly instincts tell you to do. Try to implement what suits to your situation.
8. Your baby may not sleep in the crib from the 1st day, do not panic if it happens. Try co-sleeping for first three months atleast.
9. Try to get a rocker or a swing (newborn to toddler). It helps for newborn to get sleepy.
10. Newborn / infants may become gassy, in my case Gripe water was major help.
11. Talk to your doctor about giving tummy time to baby and when to start it.
12. Try to establish a routine as soon as possible, this helps baby and the parents.
13. Do not forget to thank the people who helped you.
14. Do not isolate yourself considering your are occupied with baby now. Talk to your friends, introduce your baby to them. You need to converse with an adult.
15. In case of any signs of postpartum depression the hospitals have a help-line number, talk to a friend, talk to your husband.