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Awful Awful Husband...why Do I Feel Like I Need Him?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Patientone, Oct 4, 2019.

  1. Patientone

    Patientone Senior IL'ite

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    my husband is awful. If he was in front of me I’m sure I’d scream and scream and....

    We went India to see his parents. His mum is greedy about money. She picked us up on the airport and kissed my husband seductively all over his face in the car and my 2 year old went shy and hid her face in my chest. Why would you try to make your grandchild who has never met you jealous?

    I let it go. Arrived at the house. It was absolutely filthy even though she said she has it cleaned. Cobwebs and dust everywhere. I didn’t say anything. Husband said mum did you not get anything cleaned. She said she did and he let it go.

    At night, my daughter was crying and I told mil to go to sleep (I’d look after her). She takes it personally and says u go to sleep, I’ll look after your daughter with my son. Honestly I feel like she would have an incestuous relationship with my husband if she could.

    Next day, she has an argument with me when I give her some clothes my mum gave her. Saying how can I accept it when ur mum didn’t visit me. Husband stayed quiet as he couldn’t say anything. In the end all 3 including father in law started accusing me of things and fought with me badly. Telling me to behave like a bahu. Honestly I can’t believe my husband started to abuse me with his parents. He said he had a lawyer and that the divorce papers just had to be typed up. I left with my cousins whom I called for help as it was a really bad situation. Felt let down by my hubby. He came the next day with his parents after telling everyone I stole his luggage. I went for 3 hours and nobody made me feel welcome at his house so went back to my cousins. After more drama I returned to the Uk alone with my 2 year old. I shall write more later. This is not even a quarter of what happened.
     
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  2. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    That caught my attention. When parents travel alone with minor children, they are usually asked to carry a written permission from the other parent. Did you have one, when checking in for your international flight ?

    Divorces in UK have become procedurally easier now. Good for you.
    Divorce set to become easier in England and Wales - Premier
     
  3. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I hadn’t know that they require a written permission slip.

    Op, there’s not really a question hiding in your passage so tell us a bit more.
     
  4. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    What You Need to Know About International Travel With Minors
    Rules may differ in some countries. Sometimes rules are not strictly applied in some airports. Some airline counters issue boarding passes, when both the biological parents are present in person, but only one of them is traveling with their child.
     
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  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Why do you feel like this??
     
  6. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    I have travelled with kids alone. They don't ask if one of the parents is travelling with kids unless the parents are officially separated.
     
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  7. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    OP seems like you are extremely stressed right now. Not thinking clearly. Such insinuating about mother son relationship is unwarranted unless you have seen something out of the ordinary. Quite a few people have the habit of hugging and kissing grown up kids. Not just parents but aunties grandma's too. It might feel awkward for some who don't have such habits in the family or haven't grown up seeing it. My husband was laughing at me when my attu hugged me and kissed me and did drishti meeting after a long time. But I have grown up in such environment. She saying me and my son can take care of the baby might be Curt but not unusual either. Please don't over think silly little dramas. MILs tend to get extra lovey dovey when son visits from overseas. The way she rejected your mom's gifts was also mean. And husband going to the divorce threat seems extreme. Hopefully you can deduct actual problems and find some solutions. Even if the solution is separation, it's not the end of the world. You do need your life partner as long as he is your partner in happiness and sorrows, problems and solutions, sickness and health. If he is not there when needed whats the point in dragging such relationship? Hopefully you both can manage to talk through this rough patch and find a way forward that is good for you and your daughter
     
  8. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Gold IL'ite

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    Why your Husband, who initially stayed quiet, sided his parents in the end?

    Could it be because you are not knowing where to stop? Stretching issues too hard in fights might be tripping him off.
    Also, how does it bother you, if she has her house clean or not? Why do your assume you have any right to let it go or not? I have seen your other threads too. You seem to be picking on her for every little thing.

    I am not saying your MIL is right. Undoubtedly, she is a very unpleasant woman going by your posts. But you should learn to pick your battles right. And for the right battles, you should know where to stop, so you don't pull to too hard that it breaks.
     
  9. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    Op
    At all times, however rough may it be, keep your wits about you.
    Even if you think about the weird relationship, don’t say it anywhere. It is anon forum, so it will drown in anonymity but out in real world don’t say anything that not a day to day, normal thing. Why to make your mouth dirty.
    Looks like they were very unpleasant. Was this the first vist after marriage or first visit after baby? Things may be out of place and you and them were not ready for this visit. Your MIL may be goibg through some depression or something thats why the house was so dirty. When parents stay alone, not all mentally equipped for loneliness and during visit they might be seeibg you as cause of their loneliness. Is your husband, the only child? It sounds like it. She is over indulgent with him. Or he may be youngest.
    You came back, and he is India? Takr your time to calm down. And do not fight from your side when he is back. You came back so it shows that you are strong, now leave it at that and dont fight when husband is back.
    Your MIL and husband are very close and you are an outsider for them when there. It is okay and not the end of world. They have to grow up to accept you as part of their son’s life. And you have to grow up accept that your husband used to sleep next to his mother may till 3rd grade- very common in India. They are very close. You have figure out your marriage around that.
     
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  10. Patientone

    Patientone Senior IL'ite

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    I apologise guys. I think I’ve been misunderstood. I’m traumatised at what has happened and have realised my husband doesn’t really care for me nor our child. I’m thinking about divorce.
     

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