Awards 2015

As 2015 is fading out , it is time for us to look back and remember the achievements of this year and reward the finest performers in every field be it art. culture, science or in other endeavours. So being in an age of science when scientific temperament is spreading like an epidemic let us start with science and social sciences.

First, the natural sciences. The not so noble prize for contribution to genetics goes to ... any guesses? Of course NARENDRA MODI!!!!!!!! Modi gets the award for his thoroughly scientific analysis of Nitish Kumar’s DNA during the Bihar election campaign.

From science let us go to social sciences. The anthropologist of the year is doubtlessly Laloo Yadav for his analysis of cannibalism and identifying cannibals when he called Modi “Narbakshi” a k a cannibal.

Aw aren’t we bored with scinces and social sciences? Let us now turn our attention to an art that has been nurtured since the time of ancient Greec, an at that enabled Mark Antony get better of Cassius and company after Caesar’s assassination ---ORATION!!!!

The Rahul Gandhi award for oration goes to who but Amit Shah, whose orations containing lot of fireworks ensured that he acted as a vote repellent. Too bad nobody cared about his insight on when crackers will be burst in Pakistan. BTW this award has been named after Rahul Baba as a tribute to his oratorical skills in helping BJP get a massive majority in parliament last year. After reducing his party to double digits in the Delhi assembly Rahul added another feather to his cap by reducing his party to zero in the Delhi assembly.

Rahul has scored a hattrick by winning the award for the last three consecutive years. But this year he was not in the reckoning as he was too busy practicing a new letter of English alphabet V. “V for vendetta, v fo vendetta, v for vendetta, v for .....”

Don’t be devastated Pappu bhaiyya what if you couldn’t get the award we never forget the Gandhis, unless Gandhi is prefixed with Mahatma. Your mama dearest has been selected for the bravery award of the year for thundering before TV cameras “ I am the daughter-in-law of Indira Gandhi and I am not afraid of anything” when you and she were hauled up before the Delhi High Court in the National Herald case.( That reads as “ I wish I had power like my MIL and I will declare emergency and teach all these Johnnies a lesson”).

And the Golden Rhinoceros award for thick skin goes to who but our honourable(?!) members of parliament. The only work they do is disruption but still want a 100% pay and perk hike. I think this hike should be called disruption allowance. At least they would earn this allowance as it is about the only work they do with full enjoyment.

Now for sports. We wanted to give India Cements honcho N.Srinivasan an award but desisted when we found that the adhesive cement manufactured by his company was of poor quality. It couldn’t keep him stuck to the Cricket Board President’s seat for ever. And there was a tie between Arun Jaitley, Arvind Kejriwal and Kirti Azad over who should get the award for sterling contribution to the sport called It Ain’t Cricket. So no sports award this year.

Ah Media! How can we forget the noble frothy oops sorry fourth estate? There is only one candidate. Yes you have guessed it right—ARNAB GOSWAMI!!!! He gets the pharmaceutical industry’s medal of honour for his contribution to increasing the sale of headache relief tablets like Disprin. The hearing aids manufacturers association has also conferred an award on him for helping to increase the sales of their products by blasting the eardrums of the viewers of his show News Tonight with his stentorian voice.

And Dear Arvind Kejriwal please don’t be depressed for not winning the sports award. We confer the Reverse Don Quixote award on you. Why reverse? You see Don Quixote tilted at the windmill thinking it was a monster and you are tilting at the monster of pollution convinced it is just a windmill. How else do we explain your oddball scheme of allowing only odd numbered vehicles on one day and even numbers on the other to check fuel emissions?

 

Syamala hope Arnab hasn't read this otherwise he would demand royalty from the industry and if refused would have a newshour debate on the issue of his royalty giving more people headaches and increasing the number of hearing impaired people. .

 

Sure Satchi what would we do without politicians. It is their scams, parliament disruptions and foot in the mouth antics that brighten up our dull days. This of course is an expensive entertainment costing far more to produce than a movie but it is well worth it.

 

Seriously Viswa, you are not conspiring to get me lynched by netas cutting across political spectrum are you? If filmfaree selects me as the MC the actors, some of whom are known more for their brawls than acting would thrash me black and blue.

 

Sabitha of all the awards it is the Golden Rhinoceros that will come to stay because our parliamentary leopards cannot change their spots oops sorry our parliamentary rhinos can't make their skins thiinner.