Arranged Marriage but madly in love

Congratulations !!! All your expectations seem normal. Looks like an issue with timing.


If I understood correctly, though you are legally married, your families are not aware of this fact. I think so because you mentioned marriage will be in Feb 2014. Maybe he is "conscious" of this "secret" and wants to play it safe till you formally get married.

 

congrats on your engagement/marriage...........so you are legally married but will be doing the traditional ceremonies in Feb.you & your spouse are in same city but live separately as you both are waiting for traditional marriage .Am I right?

well,the 1st thing is not to expect too much & compare yourself with anyone,movie stories or friend's married-engaged life...............when you don't compare ,you take everything with open mind............

2ndly ,you & your parents don't seem to have very good relationship & now,you expect your too- be to make up for all the loveless years you had since childhood.it must be putting too much pressure on the guy & we all know that love can't be extracted........remember the song'dheera dheera ho jayaga pyar.......so love will come but slowly .

lastly,it is a arranged marriage set up so the guy still has to understand you .give him time........call him often ,arrange for a date,send cards & let him know what you expect from him................like tell him you want him to call tomorrow...........

men needs lots of hints & unlike us females are not perspective.............give him & yourself some time.

 

Shimjamun, for me, being "madly in love" means exactly that - I don't know anyone who was unable to show affection or be romantic while simultaneously claiming to be madly in love (unwilling, maybe, but that's another story). This is a concept that is, for me, independent of marriage (arranged or otherwise). It is possible for two people to be madly in love and not married, while it is conversely possible for two people not to be madly in love (or even a little bit in love) and married.

People who enjoy semantics might point out that being in love, and loving someone (out of duty, habit, expectation, obligation, etc.), are actually two very different states. The romantic in me agrees with this potentially very annoying distinction. I am not sure that I would make a distinction along gender lines, though. Men and women are surely equally capable of being in, and showing, romantic love. I find it problematic to conclude that men are chronically and characteristically disabled in this domain. I hope there are men out there who would agree with me, since sexism in any form should be unpalatable.

 

Please share what your problem is so that people can help you. You love your husband. He also loves you. He is not as expressive as you are? Is it your problem?

I guess you are newly married with not many responsibilities. Just enjoy it while it lasts. Very soon, both of you will come out of this bubble and need to think about finances, retirement, kids etc. Do not over think and have fun.

 

You said you both go out with his friends. In those outings, does he give more importance to them than to you? Does he respect you in front of them or he totally ignores you?

If he is too much into his friends then it may become a huge problem afterwards. I am not sure why he can't go out with you alone?

Ask him why he chose to marry you? Maybe that will get some clue in what he is looking for in his wife.

 

Okay shimjamun

Look here....
now look at the picture given below and tell me whats the color of the glass





Is it pink or white??? or no color at all???
:biggrin2:

Naah no kidding :bonk:


Shimjamun
I hope you understood what i meant.Take out those rosy pink glares that you are wearing,only then you'll see the real picture.

I have seen many gals enter a wedlock with their wide and dreamy eyes.And soon they see their dreams come crashing down with a loud thud.
Yes you are expecting too much.Just because other couples hold hands while walking together dont assume your husband too would be comfortable doing it.
Guys can be shy too.

The real romance in a marriage especially in arranged marriages, comes after an year....when you both would have adjusted yourself in this relationship.Now thats completely my opinion based on MY experience.
When the comfort level increases the love and romance increases.
kapish amigo???

Now stop worrying shimjamun.

Chalo buh bye

bie1

 

No you are not crazy. Your expectations are not off-scale. Let's say you are right in your perception that he really loves you. Then this becomes a matter of communication. You are asking for something that's important to you, but not being heard. He wants to stick to his vision of what a couple "ought" to do. Maybe it's a simple matter of his being unable to step out of his comfort zone, to be demonstrative in a way that you want. Maybe he is insensitive & unable to hear you. Maybe he is one of those people who needs clear instructions. Maybe he needs time. Maybe he is rather old-fashioned and wants all expressions of intimacy to wait until the formal ceremonies are over. I am unable to tell, but no matter what the reason, it's important that he at least meet you half-way or explain his choices in a manner that is reassuring to you.

However, none of this can be resolved without private 'couple' time. So if you perceive yourself as 'totally different' and seek to find a common wavelength, that is what I would suggest you focus on - finding time together, just you two. It is important for almost any relationship that the other person be the sole focus of attention once in a while. This is how relationships are burnished and reaffirmed. Maybe it will happen somewhat 'automatically' when you guys start living together. Yet, you must find a way of making yourself heard.

It is OK for him to be different as long as he is 'teachable'. Leave him alone for a while, see if he comes to you.