Are we on the right path?

Even I started a thread to discuss about my problem earlier. I got bashings. But you know what those bashings gave another insight to look into my problem. So I am not sad for the bashings because I CAME HERE FOR A SOLUTION AND NOT FOR SYMPATHY. EVEN BEFORE I CAME HERE I WAS SURE THAT I MIGHT GET FOR, AGIANST, SYMPATYSING, AND BASHING COMMENTS. SO MADE UP MY MIND TO USE THOSE BASHINGS TO SOLVE MY PROBLEM.

If we are afraid of the injection pain we have to live with the disease.

I am here in this forum for long time. I read almost all the threads. I understand sometime people bash if the OP make some mistake. I have to start a thread but I am very light hearted and cannot take those bashings then I would clearly mention “Only sympathies are welcome”. Or else I would restrict myself only with reading.

For couples we advice "should ignore the words those come in anger but to see the big picture". Similarly here if we try to halt by bashing comments we would loose solution to our problem.

 

Moved to a separate thread

 

Is this a cat fight going on here? Is this what posters have boiled down to?
Mods, please have this removed!

 

Hello guys,

Why don't u understand from her post. She is a fighter. She is not like showing back to the problems coming in life. All what she wants is to walk together hand in hand with her life partner through out her life. She is struggling for this and need our help. Instead of giving solutions people are just catching one pt and starts blaming her on it. Whats wrong if she is thinking that she wants a happy,peaceful,lovely married life in spite of lots of problems coming on her way. Why should she leave her husband? Divorce is not the 'only' solution to unhappy married life. It is easy to break things but it requires lots of guts to keep it join. She has a problematic husband,MIL and has a kid also but she don't want to loose any of them. So I feel we should keep it in mind that they all are there and give her a guidance to deal with her problems.

 

Tugga,
First off, I'm relatively new here ( unlike many others) and dont post regularly so I havent read any of your previous posts. Nevertheless, I have read through your previous thread and all the replies. I am always busy with my hyper toddler, so though I read almost all threads that are being discussed on IL, i hardly have any time to add my own replies (although id love to make more time and try to help those of us who are seeking some support or solutions). But I HAD to write to this one.
I'm glad that you have found/are close to finding the 'quick remedy' you were looking for thanks to the replies of some really nice fellow IndusLadies. As you already know, all the members who post here are a group of unknown people who are just a step away from being complete strangers (since they know something about you from your posts). Now, whats their role? To read what you have to say, analyze it, understand your problem and come up with a relevent response to try to make your problem lighter. Are they responsible for you or for your life? NO. vice versa? no again. They are only trying to help you. They are unbiased, they only talk based on what you tell them... You might not be in agreement with what they are saying, thats a different story. But if so many people are trying to tell you that there have been mistakes from your side too, dont you think there could be some truth to it?
There are many members here who have been answering your questions and being kind enough to help you out time and again. So when you come back to the same place with more problems after a period of time, you should be prepared to hear from the same people. It is very natural and rightful on their part to follow up with what you did with their advices and why things have taken a turn for the worse. You should be prepared to face them if you want to ask them to help you out again, its only fair! From your replies, I observe that you are just so stubborn that you get really defensive when there is anything in a post that does not go down well with you. If you dont agree with a poster, you always have the option to ignore or tell them that their suggestion does not suit you and you wont be using it in an acceptable way and move on! How hard is that? You cannot screen who posts in your threads thats the mod's job ( they do great, btw) , but you can always choose who you want to ignore. Why is it so hard for you to take something constructively or just leave it?
Letting someone know that you dont agree with thier comment is cool, coming back to fight each poster that did not say what you want to hear is not. (btw, from what i get from your posts, you are a mom to an infant/toddler son who is the sole breadwinner of the family juggling a full time job, home, and frayed relationships, you have to share with us your secret on how you manage to make so much time).
Well, many friends who post here are setting aside their time just to help you (yes, everyone here is only trying to help you. I dont believe anyone here wishes ill to someone who is looking for help), even if they dont sound like the sweetest person on earth, they are trying to make you see a point. Also, if you just want to vent it's important that you mention it in the beginning of the thread. (actually, you were in fact expecting suggestions in your previous thread as gathered by the title . But by the time i was at the end of the thread, you seemed a little unsure of what you were really looking for) That way, no one is going to be telling you anything that you might not want to hear. Hope you appreciate the ladies here who post in your threads for their time and effort to help you because no one has anything personal against you which is why they dont enjoy 'bashing' you without a reason! Wish you good luck Tugga, hope you find happiness in the long term..
PS: your reply to JAG is highly inappropriate. Is it humor? Is it sarcasm? I dont quite understand, but whatever it is, it is in very bad taste. A thumbs down from me on that one.

 

Hi Tugga,
I have posted a few times and I guess twice in your thread, after which I refrained from your threads due to the reason explained below. But the kind of attitude you showed in this made me write this reply.
I remember you pointing out the comment made by me to become a "Women Hitler".
The comment I made was “You need to become a women HITLER right now else you might have to suffer with this guy around.”
Your comment to the above one.” Someone wanted to know about my past... To make sure that I behaved like an Hitler before.. So, they can simply support my husband and in laws by saying that no one can put up with a lady Hitler,”
I really did not want to reply to any of your threads because of this attitude you showed to my comment. The reason being I thought you are being taken on a ride and I said take control of your life becoming brave like a Lady Hitler. Can you please elaborate where I wanted to support your husband or in laws in this or where I asked you about your past. Hence I just avoided your thread after this, thinking anything more is just like blowing a trumpet in a deaf man’s ears.
But after reading your replies and everything and the gist of this thread I felt like giving a piece of my mind.
This thread itself shows the attitude you have, that is making a mountain out of a mole hill, also you have a habit of proving people that the other one is wrong and you are right, which will never lead to a successful relationship either in a virtual world or in a real world. I am not supporting your in-laws completely, but can you please analyze yourself what went wrong with your husband what behavior of yours turned him towards your in-laws that he became the puppet in their hands.
Coming to this thread if a cuttle fish is not going to do you any good other than the taste then you can refrain from eating it till you get a remedy for it so that you can enjoy it without pain. This is exactly what Sri, JAG and Sandhya said. If you don’t wish to take their advise you could have told right there in the thread please don’t waste your time I am not ok with this advise, they would have gladly wished you a goodbye. Rather than doing that you start another thread in this regards.
I am surprised being in a humanitarian job how you forgot to analyze the other person’s comment, or what is their feeling.
Last but not the least I am not here to bash you but to tell you the following this
· “YES OF COURSE EVERYONE IS GOING ON THE RIGHT PATH.IF YOU FEEL THIS PATH DOES NOT SUIT YOU, YOU CAN FOLLOW THE ONE WHICH SUITS YOU RATHER THEN BLAMING THE ONE WHO OPENED THAT PATH.”
· Always remember when you point a finger at someone there are three fingers pointing at you and one which is neutral, so analyze yourself also and not to keep blaming someone or the other for everything.
· Also when you post in an online forum expect both good and bad comments you cannot always get what you want.

Thanks
Malar.

 

Ok friends,

Everybody has put their cards on the table. now let us not try to dissect each line from a past thread. let go.

Some of us get so involved in these forums that we start expecting too much from the virtual strangers (may be we need a new term here)

Some of you have talked about refraining from posting in a thread if the op does come back strongly for a advice..three cheers to this..this is healthy. you do not want to participate, find something else to read/reply. we have 100's of threads cropping up everyday.

OP's(in general) remember, this site does not pay anybody to be your mentor or your counseller, people do it out of choice, out of a bond that they share, maybe somewhere they could relate to the issue, either in their personal life or in the life that they observe around. so you should be ready to really listen, sometimes the tone may not be right, but what they convey could be the best suited suggestion (I abstain from using advice), some may give you a hug. that may pacify/soothe your frayed nerves for the day, but is not a solution. (but be clear if you are on the look out for a virtual hug and not suggestions/pointers..)

And thanks for all those who appreciated the mod's work. it is not easy to handle a forum that has a quota of stressed out, scared, abused, or confused souls out there. if this forum sees people coming back and new ones joining us, it is because of the camaraderie and the feeling of being among people who understand that is felt here.

Standing up for your cause is right, but standing up to say I am right when you could be wrong is something different and there is huge difference in that, and we are a lot who definitely understand that.

and that is one of the reason many who feel they have been rubbed on the wrong side, still peep in.

I believe this thread can be closed if the mods and supermods believe so...

 

Just wanted to stress that hitting below the belt is not acceptable even if you are a great fighter. and let us be sportive.