Anger and frustration towards Mother

ivlakshmi · Jan 17, 2016

Hi,
I am so fed up with my mother. As addressed in one of the previous posts, she never keeps maid and asks me to this or that household work. My job has been extremely stressful and finally I had to quit my job . Well this is not the first time I lost job, it happened before as well.

Kepping the household work apart, she tells home tuitions. 3 kids come to our house and stay from 4-7:30 or 8:00. If at all i come home early I would not find space to sleep. Weekends are the only days when I get to sleep. She takes tuitions on saturday and which leaves me with one day rest that is on sunday. Even though they get in to different room , kids talk a lot with loud noise and I cannot sleep. Rest of the time she does pooja or stitching or some household work. What ever time is left she will all her 3 siblings chit chat with them or goes to her mothers place or get her to our home. When ever this old women (grandma) comes its even more headache for me. I need a separate thread to write about grandma. In short sleep less days when she comes. When I was serving notice period , I asked my mom not to get my grandma as i was going through mental trauma of finding new job and issues at work but still she has got her to our house.
Since my mom enjoys movies and shopping she happily accompanies and encourages me to take.
Coming to my father due to his profession he used to come late to our house. My mom nagged my dad that time and now my dad never comes at night. Its been about 15 years or so my dad is not at home during nights. He spends some time in the morning or afternoon and then leaves home.
Though I am living at home, I really have no person to talk to or share my feelings with.

Now, I have got a job which is 30 km far away from house. I initially thought of taking pain and travel up and down for that long.

Now, there is one more tuition girl wanting to take tuition. Her mom told my mom that she is going to work and returning home at 8:30 pm at night so there is no one to take care of her kid. My mom agreed for taking tuition. This is driving me nuts. My mom acts as if she has done something great by taking tuitions. Inspite of earning well in my job , i never throw tantrums like my mom. He tuition fee is not even 1/4th of my salary.

I asked her not to over burden and take the new girl for tuition as i need some rest in weekends. She denied my wish . I told her that I will move out if she does that. Her reply is you can move out and I do not want to change opinions for anyone. She wants to live life her way and if i am not interested then I am free to move out. Now i decided to get out of my parents home though.
Out of this fit anger , I told her that she is selfish and got her husband out of the house and now getting daughter out of house. She is telling me that i need to do household work so that she can just sit and take tuitions.
I am still so much angry with this lady.
All these years , i never partied much or gone out beoz of her controlling nature. Now her words are coming as surprise to me. I was on adjusting end all the time.

MalStrom · Jan 17, 2016

Can you move out on your own? Your mom clearly wants to do things her own way, and it's her house, her rules. Once you get another job, it might be best to live separately.

Lakshmipav · Jan 17, 2016

@op ,

i suggest u think twice thrice about moving .. Dont take decesion in anger .. Now u can see ur dad atleast day time if u move u will miss ur dad ..

but ur mother not understanding basic request like need rest n all makes me feel weird ..
u r already traveling 30 km not a joke ( u need to rest ) .. So try to find any women's hostel near by ur company .. Observe how do u feel always be in contact with ur mom n dad .. Moving is for the reason Long commute not on anger towards mom ..If u feel ur hostel is like heaven better place then go head .. But if u feel u made a mistake miss mom dad return back apologize her ..

I used to travel 25 km to work from my place but still I never felt bad or thought about hostel bcoz my home environment is best ..I can commute ..

but if u can't commute move ..

MLP1 · Jan 17, 2016

I used ear plugs and slept. My house was very noisy too but this way i was also able to study and I topped in all university examinations. Where there is a will, there is a way. They block noise out completely. Your mom is working hard. Your mom is most likely not the reason your father doesn't come home. She gave birth to you and raised you. You need to cut her some slack. And talking this way about your grandmother is also not acceptable. Maybe she wants you to do household chores to learn how to do them. Once you get married you will be expected to know them. According to me, no mother can do anything wrong. Mothers are angels sent on earth by God.

Please don't leave your mother. She is already suffering because your father doesn't come home. If you also leave, she may lose the will to live. You need to be more compassionate here. Try to become her friend. Take her out on the weekend. Then explain how you will help with household chores over the weekend and not during the weekdays. She will understand.

Do not compare salaries. The money you earn is the blessing to you by God. Remember that it is because of your mother that you are capable and earning so much.

I owe my entire life to my mother. We all do. We need to remember that and respect our parents. Only then God will help us.

yellowmango · Jan 17, 2016

OP ,your mother has a right to be independent .This also keeps her occupied.
She also has a right to get people over.Her husband is not around much and she needs company.

As for house work....how about getting a maid and paying for the maid?Will she still object?
How about buying her some appliances to make both your lives easier?

How about moving out and getting your own place or staying in a hostel nearer to work place.Visit your home over the weekend.

This way you will get to live with people your age.You will get to make friends with other working people around during the week ,and get to be with family during weekend.

Gauri03 · Jan 17, 2016

Based on your previous threads and continued stress regarding your marriage, I think the idea of living independently for a while is a good one. You will get to see both aspects of such independence. Being away will give you time to focus on your career and yourself. It could be a relief to only have to worry about yourself even for a short time. On the other hand, we often overlook the little things other people do to make our lives easier, especially family members. Who knows, you might end up appreciating your mother more when she isn't around 24/7.

vani098 · Jan 17, 2016

@ivlakshmi hi I'm feeling like laugh because u r same like me . I used to also get anger on my mother when she tells me to do all the house holdwork .... Etc.
S she is independent n she has write to tell all dis work na ll.

Laxmi it is common is most if the houses . mother's only tell us these because we need to know all the work n in future also we should not suffer in inlaws house an all that. This is our responsibility maa. Every woman have to adjest .

U'r mother have done lots in her life she is making u not to suffer in future. Enjoy u'r life first reduce u'r anger do yoga. That is better. Enjoy u'r life. Enjoy each n every work. Start understanding u'r mothern start loving that ever work u do . think that this is u'r responsible.

Coming to grandmma. Leave that she always tells good things . they r old naa they wanna u to learn . they know everything. They r strict but only for our sake.
U'r mother n grandmother have small world that is u n those tuition kids.

Coming to tuition kids haa they love to learn while making mustief. And then learning we need to read loudly then only what ever we learn will be in our mind for many years.
Even we r kids we also used to make noise while reading.

As a women we need to bare parents , in-laws , children.
Children we can change but mother can't u change
Ha don't say impossible year nothing is impossible.

Impossible means. I'm possible. U can do anything.

Can't u change a person. At least try. 1 ,2 ,3.......100 try till u succeeded.

Ha u walked in one day no na day by day by falling down n down. First then baby just on bed next craul next trying to walk next walk with support. Next walk on u'r own. Next at last u r running.
If u'r mother left on the first step that this girl never get u uses to walk ka r run. Think think think

Do yoga control u'r anger n stress.

coolgal123 · Jan 17, 2016

dear op, give your mother a break, if she gives tution to kids whats wrong in that? ??she doesnt teached kids in midnight. ....you want her to stop doing everything so that you can sleep. .....
you dont want your grandma to come to you house so that you can sleep....does ur grandma party all night???which disturb your sleep....
your mother doesnt rest on Saturdays and give tutions while you crib for disturbance in ur rest....
so your sleep and rest should take priority over everybody else's needs and requirements. ...
its better you should move to new place it will give you privacy and comfort as you require.....it may give you some new perspective also....

ivlakshmi · Jan 17, 2016

When ever grandma comes i sacrifice my bed.. whih means I sleep on the floor.. I have no issues with that though. She gets up early at 5:30 or 6:00 and starts talking with my mom. I usually come from office at 10:00 Pm so by the time i sleep it would be midnight. Both mom and grandma would sleep in the afternoons. As a working women i don't get this flexibility. She nags me continuously. She had fight with all her children and daughter in laws. I bear them patiently.
She does not go to loo in the morning times. She would keep the door open and makes extreme noises while going to loo.. Most of my nights are sleepless.

coolgal123 said: ↑

dear op, give your mother a break, if she gives tution to kids whats wrong in that? ??she doesnt teached kids in midnight. ....you want her to stop doing everything so that you can sleep. .....
you dont want your grandma to come to you house so that you can sleep....does ur grandma party all night???which disturb your sleep....
your mother doesnt rest on Saturdays and give tutions while you crib for disturbance in ur rest....
so your sleep and rest should take priority over everybody else's needs and requirements. ...
its better you should move to new place it will give you privacy and comfort as you require.....it may give you some new perspective also....
Click to expand...

ivlakshmi · Jan 17, 2016

To others I never wanted to leave my mother. Some how I have been adjusting all the time. I have told her to keep maid number of times and she never listens. Expects me to cook and do household work.
Both my parents anyways does not want to sacrifice anything. My dad too has asked me to get out in a soft fashion as I spoke against. He told me that he had to keep my phone in silent mode when i am sleeping so he is in a way adjusting. My mom too complained saying she is not watching TV because of me. This came as a blow to me. I stay only in weekends at home. So I watch something of my choice only for 2 days rest of the days she enjoys at home all alone.

Till now I never had flexibility to hang around with friends due to my mothers controlling nature. Basically she never allowed me to. She had her social life like going to her brothers house or enjoy her tuitions.