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Am I wrong?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by divyashetty18, Dec 13, 2011.

  1. divyashetty18

    divyashetty18 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Me and my husband visited India for 2 months. Becasue of some work I had to live in my inlaws house most of the time. Ours is a three bedroom house. In one bedroom my MIL puts all her clothes in the cupboard. The other bedroom is supposed to be ours, but my FIL occupied one of the cupboards completely and we just have one cupboard for both of us. In the 3rd bedroom I think my FIL puts some dailyware clothes and some other items (I am not sure, I haven't checked). As we are here temporarily I don't care him having clothes in our room.

    Now coming to the point. My bedroom has its door facing from where every guest can see inside the room. So, I close the door 3/4th and sit and work on my laptop. What irritates me is my FIL makes excuses to come to the room out of curiosity to know what I am doing in the room. He can shift his clothes to the 3rd bedroom temporarily atleast untill we are there but he dosen't. Sometimes he comes as if he is searching for something. Spends about 10minutes near the cupboard, also opens our cupboard. Frankly speaking I am not liking him entering my room when I am in the room. Intially I used to walk off from the room if I realize that he is there for more than 2 minutes. But now a days I started closing the door completely so that he does not come in. Can you guys please give me your input if I am wrong/rude or I am right with the way I am getting irritated.

    In the nights he used to sleep in the bedroom before but these days he is sleeping in the living room on the deewan which is right next to our bedroom door. He puts his head side very close to the door. That also I don't like but can't do anything about it.

    Rgs.
    Divya
     
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  2. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    i guess you shud tell ur husband that you dont feel ok with this arrangement as you r in the room and you dont feel comfortable with your father walking in every now n then.he must talk to his parents n get his stuff shifted to one room rather than keeping it all over the house. start locking the door.n if some one asks just say that u were in bathroom or u were in your nightdress..n u dont like to be seen by people this way..orwasworking n dont like to be disturbed,it breaks your concentration.
    lets see if it works...
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    divya when parents are left alone in a huge bunglow or a 3BHK they end up.. either using only 1 room of the entire space or spreading all over the house so that they dont feel lonely... and to make sure that furniture and room is not rotting away.
    Also once they get used to a way of living its v v hard for them to change it.

    Depends on how inquisitive they're and how open they were to their kids.. there are families who dress to minimal in home and involve in PDA to their kids and spouse as opposed to those.. who dress up completely within the bathroom and greet their spouse and kids with.. hello gud morning.. how are you doing from a distance of 1 mtr or more.

    Its a cultural shock to either party... and no one can change themselves overnight.
    If you're uncomfortable then you need to either convey it via your husband or an understanding SIL .. or if you cant do that then you can keep the door closed... but before you do that just enquire if he wants anything from the room.

    If you feel that deewan is snooping your bedroom privacy then pls request your MIL to align the deewan on the other wall. .away from your BR. If they're not ready for it.. then play some DVDs in loud noise at the time he comes in for sleeping.. it can assist you in covering your bedroom talks/ noises as well as sending him back to his bedroom.... Post middle age sleep becomes like butterfly.. slightest noise here n there and ppl are up on the bed imagining things that bring pleasure or fear to them.
     
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  4. riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    tell him "get a life" is somewhat rude. but i dont think closing the door is rude.
     
  5. divyashetty18

    divyashetty18 Senior IL'ite

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    You Know what happened today. I closed the door of my room after I finished all the kitchen work and I was free. My FIL had a take his clothes I guess and but did not enter the room. After about an hour my husband came in and when he left he closed the door only half. After sometime my FIL entered to take his clothes. I guess he was very angry about me closing the door, so when he entered the room he forcefully pushed door with anger.
     
  6. RJMK

    RJMK Silver IL'ite

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    This is a small issue which is going to become a big one if not dealt with now.Please tell your H softly and get your point conveyed.If FIL gets upset and all that..there will be unnecessary issues in the house.

    Just tell him that you feel uncomfortable and you are a DIL..Or better speak to MIL..She will understand I guess!!
     
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  7. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    hey Divya, ur stay here is just temp so dont take things serious... u dont have time for that... dont close the door completely either... do it 3/4ths and whenever he comes and stays for long as u have mentioned, jus go away for sometime n talk with ur MIL or watch tc or jus gaze outside...
    try adjusting na.. this is a very little time ur gonna be in their house... :) and yes try to shift the deewan or play some music for the time ur FIL is asleep.. for ur privacy sake :hiya
     
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