Am I Wrong? Please Suggest Me..

aswathyk · Apr 25, 2017

Hi friends,

I am started working New project yesterday. It's entirely new technology.I started studying this new technology and need to work at same time. That's a tough situation.

My working time starts at 9am. My project is at fire fighting stage. So need to work up to 9 -10 pm.

I want to wake up at 6am. And make our breakfast and lunch. Then get ready. Go to office. Reach home between 8-9.sometimes it extends. Really very tired. Then make dinner. Go to bed between 11pm-12 am. Nobody is there to help me.

My issue:-

I had migraine issue. It's treated. But I have very bad headache in many situations. If I spend long time in front of laptop. If I didn't got nice sleep. Consulted with Dr. Dr suggested to use specs while strain my eyes. I am using this.

The main problem is my sleep. I can't sleep suddenly. I spend lots of time on bed before my sleep. And I can't sleep if there is any light or any sounds. This is the condition of a migraine. Dr suggested that sleep in clam atmosphere. No other ways. My husband know all these. But he never bother it. He spent his time on computer up to 1am or 2pm. So I can't sleep due that sounds and light. Try to sleep. But I can't. I am waiting to turn off the computer. He comes to bed at 1am or 2am and sleep with in seconds. But I can't. I go to sleep after half an hour. And wake up at 6am. I am wake up with a severe headache and too tired. I told many times to shift computerlocation to another room. But he never done.

Yesterday I slept at 2.30 am. And wake up at 6am. But I have bad headache and vomiting tendency. I can't cook. But cooked breakfast and lunch. I had a meeting at 9.30am. but my all kitchen works completed at 9am. It's too late. Within 15 min ,I dressed and pack lunch box and reach office by 9.30. Skip my breakfast.

Now I not feeling well. I can't concentrate on my work. This happened many times. This effected my works very badly. This is my new project and not want to make a bad impression at this beginning stage.

So I feel it's better to resign from my job. I know this is a bad decision. But I can't complete or study new technology at this condition.There's not much time for this project. This make issues in our project and in our office. I had faced it in my previous project. I solved it by my hard work without food and sleep. Now again the same situation. And it's little more.

Now I messaged my husband .As you know I have these issues. I don't want to make troubles here. I am planning to resign from my job. Then he replied in a bad language. I said please stop this type of talk. I just tried to inform my situation. But again he is messaging badly. That irritated me alot. I feel low.I turned off my phone.

Please help what can i do. He never going to understand my health condition. He said I am mad. Am I? am I wrong person??
Please help me to recover from this condition.

soumya234 · Apr 25, 2017

If your husband doesn't help or appreciate & no power cut issues, cook 4-5 dishes during weekends and rotate for 2-3 days by storing in fridge and reheat & eat. If that's not what you like, at least prepare only the base curry & keep in fridge and add fresh vegetables/channa/green gram during morning/evening. Your health is more important. You can think better only if u sleep better. Best wishes.

poovai · Apr 25, 2017

OP,

I would have gotten the same reaction from my DH, if I say something like this. I have been in the IT industry for few decades and there was never a single year without any classes/tests/certifications. You know that is the trend! Most people (specially, Asians), live to work in that sort of thriving technology.

This is the 'working environment' today; if you cannot do it, there is always someone else who can.

If you cannot handle the pressure means, sooner or later you will be moved out of the project by one way or another.

Take care of your health.

aswathyk · Apr 25, 2017

poovai said: ↑

OP,

I would have gotten the same reaction from my DH, if I say something like this. I have been in the IT industry for few decades and there was never a single year without any classes/tests/certifications. You know that is the trend! Most people (specially, Asians), live to work in that sort of thriving technology.

This is the 'working environment' today; if you cannot do it, there is someone else who can do it

If you cannot handle the pressure means, sooner or later you will be moved out of the project by one way or another.

Take care of your health.
Click to expand...

Yes dear I know. But how can I do at this health condition. I got gud comments and gud employee awards from clients and colleagues before my marriage. After that I tried my best to handle everything alone. I was successful. I got bad experience in my last project. And recovered from that and completed everything successfully. But now my condition is bad. I am not able to face same issue again.

fourthaugust · Apr 25, 2017

Your health is the most important aspect at this point . Resign only if you are unable to manage your health. Otherwise change your routine. Do not sleep in the same room as your husband. Sleep in the separate room. Reduce your cooking. Do minimal household work. Cleaning can wait until weekend.
You seriously need to decide and take the course of action accordingly. Your quality of life is badly affected because you want to do everything by yourself. And because of this your husband 's expectations have also increased. He is not ready to accept the fact that you no longer want to serve him the way you did till now. Think about it.

aswathyk · Apr 25, 2017

fourthaugust said: ↑

Your health is the most important aspect at this point . Resign only if you are unable to manage your health. Otherwise change your routine. Do not sleep in the same room as your husband. Sleep in the separate room. Reduce your cooking. Do minimal household work. Cleaning can wait until weekend.
You seriously need to decide and take the course of action accordingly. Your quality of life is badly affected because you want to do everything by yourself. And because of this your husband 's expectations have also increased. He is not ready to accept the fact that you no longer want to serve him the way you did till now. Think about it.
Click to expand...

We are sharing our flat with his friends. I am not interested it. We have no freedom. I can't sleep outside or another room. I said I am not interested to accommodate your friends. No privacy for me. And we need our privacy. He said I am not ready to pay this much rent.
He is not ready to take a normal flat or home for rent. It's a costly flat. He asked me to cook food for them. I said No. He made issues. Few days I cooked food for everyone. And I stopped it and said to his father.

shifas · Apr 25, 2017

@aswathyk
You are doing too much work and with no rest at all. Your husbands attitude should change otherwise you cant continue like this. Why is he behaving in this way? Do you have any other problems?
You should be strong. Dont ignore your body's condition. i dont know how you manage these many works alone. And why is he even sharing flat with someone. I have never heard such a situation. Try to talk. If his parents are matured enough talk to them. Dont resign. Even with a job your husband is like this. Then without job who is there to take care of you.

aswathyk · Apr 25, 2017

shifas said: ↑

@aswathyk
You are doing too much work and with no rest at all. Your husbands attitude should change otherwise you cant continue like this. Why is he behaving in this way? Do you have any other problems?
You should be strong. Dont ignore your body's condition. i dont know how you manage these many works alone. And why is he even sharing flat with someone. I have never heard such a situation. Try to talk. If his parents are matured enough talk to them. Dont resign. Even with a job your husband is like this. Then without job who is there to take care of you.
Click to expand...

I have some family issues. I have already discussed everything. Breakup is only one solution. He never bother never cared me. He show love through money. He brought something if there is any issue. He says he is satisfying everything for me and He is changed a lot for me and he never bother about his happiness.

But I never feel these. He only remember his happiness. He spend complete time on computer and phone. Never talked to me personally. He love movies. So we go for movies. Nothing else.finally he says I have lots of work but I spend my complete time for you to watch movie.

Lots of tourist house near our home with in 1km. I asked him to go there many times. But no use. He is busy. I have lots of work etc..

ashneys · Apr 25, 2017

Your health is ur biggest wealth. Never take ur health for granted. Dis over demanding husband n job will leave u if u get sick continuously, god forbid. So u need to b careful n take care of it as ur number one priority.

If u r in a bad relationship, don't quit ur job. That will only handicap u n u will b stuck with him n get more abused.

Reduce the work on ur home front, either cook on weekend n freeze for d whole week, if that's not possible, only sandwiches for food or cereals or some 'put it together' food. Don't cook. Also chek out online for nutritious food delivery places. They deliver everyday / meal at ur home / ofis. This can take some pressure of u in terms of food.

Now for sleep, buy d sleep mask for ur eyes, get a spongy thick front n big enuf to cover all sides of ur eyes n not let any light in n also make sure u pull n loosen d strings a bit so it doesn't give u a headache. I have migraine too n anythng pressing my head can start a pain. For ears, get dose good ear plugs dats keeps d sound out or get ur husband a ear phone for his laptop.

Priority here:
health first
then job next (if d bad relationship fails, it will save u)
Stop / reduce doing things around the house drastically atleast till ur health recovers. Hubby is gona b unhappy whether u do work or not so atleast get ur health bak on track.

peet1983 · Apr 25, 2017

hey,

As long as you earn, there are some things you can decide and implement in your life.
Once you catch up with the new project and confidence, I dont think daily you needs to extends your working hours till 9 and 10. Till that time you seek the help of a maid to take care of your household work and even no one agrees also,tell them firmly that its for you my health. Once you settle down with the project, you can brief your health issues your project manager, they help schedule your work load accordingly.

The world we are living today, Job is the prime factor we need to have so never leave it in any situation.
Also you can suggest your husband to move to new house provided he pays same rent what he pays now and rest you take care so that he wont have extra burden and no reason to escape. Sharing accommodation with another people is almost equal to staying someone else house. It works only for bachelors.

Stay strong never give up on tough situations, success is just behind you.

Long back I saw some youtube videos of pressure point massage techniques we can do our own which they claim that good for migraine. May be helpful.