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Am I wrong or DH?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by tanu khurana, Dec 4, 2011.

  1. tanu khurana

    tanu khurana Bronze IL'ite

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    hello friends,
    Hope u all are fine and pour your thoughts.......on my DH birthday we went for a party, me, DH, DS, DH 2 friends and wife of first one....:rotflexcept me everyone is non vegetarian. ME and DH rarely go out..I can even count twice or thrice in a year after having DS because he is very naughty..... Incident is as------ He cut the cake we all ate after that they all started having food and DS was running here and there...so i have to ran behind him everytime..he broke a glass and DH got annoyed and i took him to the park in the restaurant...we play there for 1 hr....no one turned up just DH came to see once afterwards when they all ate..DH told he ask to packed the food i ordered...:drowning i was pissed of didnt talk much..his friend said DS even doesnt let me eat anything.....u should left him at home..plenty of advice.... I ATE FEW THINGS AFTER COMING BACK AT HOME AND SLEPT, NEXT DAY I ASK DH DID NOT U TOO HAVE RESPONSIBILITY TO CARE OF DS WHEN WE GO OUT AND YOUR FRIENDS CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF HIM SO THAT I CAN EAT.........HE INSTEAD BLAME ME AND SAID THEY ARE THE GUEST AND IT HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF HIS FRIENDS NOT ME....HE PAID THE BILL AND IT IS MY FAULT I DIDN'T ENJOYED....THEY ARE MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM THAN ME..........he is an average DH but i do not agree with his these thoughts i said i would never go out with you if you do like this.......he said ok he will take his friends..............IS IT FINE HOW I SHOULD MAKE HIM REALIZE HE IS WRONG??
     
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  2. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Tanu,
    Can understand how you feel !
    Its very difficult to socialise with a toddler in tow, it would have been better if you had the party at home with food catered /ordered , this way you can control your DS as well as have fun.
    Your DH did what most DHs would do , he had a good time with his friends while you looked after the kid.He will never admit that he is wrong as Mom is seen as the permanent caretaker of kids.
    A DW is taken for granted ,famiy and friends given more importance by the DH , if a wife does the same no DH will digest it.
    Dont waste your time trying to make him realise his mistake , he may accept it or may do so to maintain peace.You will be seen as trying to spoil his party.
    It hurts but take care to plan other parties carefully.Take a maid along to run after the kid , or organise it at home.
     
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  3. tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

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    Dear,

    I agree with what flowerlady has said. Yes, wives are taken for granted sometimes. It is the case in our Indian society. Your DH or others must have taken care of ur kid if they finished eating their food. But you cant expect it from others. It has to come by itself. Most people are not bothered about others situation.

    Try to understand that it happens with many married men this way. So take it easy. Dont spoil the environment talking much about it. Even our mom must have cared more than our dad sometimes. So leave it.
    It will only lead to fights if he doesnt accept your problem.
     
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  4. lakshmi72

    lakshmi72 Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Tanu,

    I can understand how u feel when u are taken for granted. Not only u but I have also gone through all these. But what I suggest is slowly practice it first at home.

    Tell your DH to manage your DS when your eat your dinner. Slowly he will realise how to handle / or how difficult it is. Then he will start helping you. Out of the blue - in hotel if u ask him to manage and that too when his friends are there no way.

    Also put your baby in a baby chair with a toy so that he does not run around much.

    Donot expect anything from the friends - as they might just not be bothered or will not like to take the responsibility - as u can realise when she told to keep the son at home and come. Just Imagine if your husband cannot take care of him how can you expext other to do. Don't take it to your heart.

    Lakshmi
     
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  5. inlovewithmylyf

    inlovewithmylyf Platinum IL'ite

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    If u ask whose fault it s, i would say tht th fault is on ur husband n not on u...

    Ur husband should have told u tht he will manage th kid n asked u to have food... But, think this way... As he said, they are his friends, n u say one among them s unmarried, so ur husband would have thought they might feel uncomfortable just with u(to order food n all) n not ur DH around... Do u know those friends already??? If u know them already, in tht case, either ur DH should have asked u to have lunch with them n give them company or ur friends wife should have shown th basic courtesy of atleast asking whether ur having ur food or not, or atleast ask if she needs to take care of ur DS(even if ur DS might not stay with her, she could have asked)....

    Ok, now past s past... No use analyzing whose fault it is... Next time onwards plan properly... Either don't have any parties until ur DS grows a little more or try having parties at home where u can enjoy n u will have someone else to help u take care of th kid... Or even before u go for any party, tell ur DH tht u too wanna enjoy a little as u never go out much, so if he wants u to come, he also should take care of th kid... He might understand u n help u in taking care of th kid while u eat or do somethin else...

    N about he saying tht u need not go out with him n he just needs his friends, is just to irritate u, because u fought with him n blamed him... M sure he was not serious about tht... N don't say tht he likes his friends more... He just wanted to make them comfortable, thts all... They are never gonna be more important than u n ur kid...

    Ur friends and one of their wife did not even have th courtesy to ask whether u had food, n who gave them th rights to talk non-sense??? Who are they to ask u to leave ur DS at home??? Next time, when they say something like tht, tell them tht ur DS is ur responsibility n u cannot leave him at home n come out n enjoy...
     
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  6. tanu khurana

    tanu khurana Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks friends for quick reply......... i got the point and understand it well..... i will take care of the things you all told me... I was amazed to tell you they are his best buddies.....or i can call best friends........They just make use of him and he never got it....If i try to make him realize its all waste...They use his money, cars, everything they ask for he just give them...If i try to tell him family values more he never got it........He was telling me go out of station for a day with them and i said NO i just wanna go with family so he said OK i will go u stay at home politely..........:bonk
     
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  7. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    He should have married his friends than.
    Only time and their behavior can change him or teach him a lesson.
    No point of you being the teacher to teach him family values.
    Make your own friends. Get a babysitter and hang out with them like good old college days. That's what your h is doing.
     
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  8. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Another thought why don't you get some family member to take care of the baby for the trip. And go with your h and his friends for the out of station trip. You might enjoy it as you won't be left out.
     
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  9. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Next time hire a baby sitter for few hours, that way both of you can enjoy freinds, just because you are parents doesnot mean you should not enjoy life.
     
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  10. Anyuna

    Anyuna Silver IL'ite

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    As in India baby sitter is rare,you can take your servant along to run behind DS.All go through this stage in life in India as the society demands this of us.
     
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