Am I Failing In Something As A Parent

Dear @Sweety2016

Just read your post and it forced me to respond. I have 20 months old son and am working too. I have no maid or cook to help me. we live abroad. I can completely understand your situation. My son is clingy to me and he wont go away from kitchen if I was at kitchen. He opens all the cupboards and takes everything out. I too arranged play area for him both downstairs and upstairs but he would play only if I am present
Sorry if it hurts you but you should never be hitting child whether 15 months or 10 year old. As a parent we need lot of patience to make them realise what is correct and what is wrong. Raising hands is really bad and please stop it. Does the poor child understand why it gets such little punishments? Also yelling or scolding would never help. The child might learn it and start scoldings when they grow. Instead you need to be firm in voice and say NO. Just FIRM believe it would work. It wont happen overnight and need lot of patience as well. In this country we live hitting children is offence and we could be punished by law. Children of this stage just want to explore everything so they are into everything. It is quiet normal. I would rather worry is she not active. The more you stop her the more she will do.So you have to distract her slowly.
I will give some example about how I manage me son. my son gets curious and want to touch and see things when I cook. I give him some onions, baby potatoes or tomatos. he will just play with that and I quickly do my work.I compromise taste and just cook something simple for us. He wont play for more than 2 mins and he keeps running and I just keep engaging him in different activities. When I put cloths into washing machine, I involve him too. He will pick cloths from bin bag and give me. He thinks its fun. He also loves to pick cloths from laundry basket and dry it with me. He will also help me while I load and unload dish washer by taking out the spoons, bowls and mess around. I literally do everything with him and I also get a lot of time to spend with him. While I fold cloths he would unfold and pick and run to other room.I believe all these helps him learn and satisfy his curiosity. Well he actually doesnt help me. He messes alot and its more work for me. But atleast I can do the work and not worry about his safety.
He goes to nursery from 8 AM to 5 PM. I give him bath in the evening and give his dinner early by 7. He sleeps between 7.30 to 8PM. He is an early baby and wakeup by 6.30. It wasnt easy to set up this routine but I kept trying. I hope things would settle down smoothly for you. Enjoy this phase with your DD. Once they grow big we will miss this

Attached one of my DS play while I was cooking

 

OP you are certainly not failing as a parent. I understand the guilt, I understand the frustration, I understand the tears, I understand the despair, I understand the love and the sorry that goes with it. I understand it all. Because I am you at this very moment.

Something come to my mind, see if you can address this and maybe it will help a faction of a second in your day.

1. She has way too energy. What are her nap times like during the afternoon? I would cut the nap out and start the bed time routine at 7 PM. A calming bath, a book (or 10, lol). Naps need to stop today. It’s affecting her sleep and yours. 9 in itself is late for a child this age. Initial meltdowns around 5 PM are to be expected when she is just starting to ditch the nap. Trust me. She is ready for this.

2. You absolutely cannot be hungry. A hungry mom is an angry mom. Buy some energy bars (or make some and keep them in your bag). You have to eat! I don’t care how you make time for this. Even if it means a good snack before you leave work, eat and then reach home. This will make a world of difference.

3. You need to baby proof the house better; I am sure you are doing it already but get better gadgets to proof it further. He should have no access to knives/ forks at all. Get better hooks that will prevent the break-in’s by munchkins.

4. After 6 PM when you get home, next two hours, spend quality time with her. Like getting her to eat, while you are sitting alongside her. Be with her that entire 2 hours. It indeed is quality time. Even when she is just playing around in the bath tub or running around while to get one tiny feet into that PJ.

So a quick recap, ditch the nap, you make sure to fuel up before you pick her up, get home and spend the next 2 hours with her. She will be out in 2 mins in bed. Let me know how it goes.

 

you had narrated a vivid picture of your baby and your baby is absolutely normal and all her activities as written by you reveals her intelligence level (high IQ) quite a fast learner with excellent grasping. Of course it would be difficult to handle such a nimble baby but I am sure as the times progresses your DH and you would evolve ideas to tackle with imagination. Discussion with similarly placed pals of yours would be helpful. Her grand parents would be helpful provided they are healthy and robust. Wish you happy parenting. All the Best for her future and to your family. Regards. God Bless Us All.

 

@Sweety2016

No, you are not failing as a parent. You are a wonderful mom! I completely understand what you are going through because I had been there. Dear, you are not alone.

I am not here to offer you any solutions because I dont have one. I am just sharing my experience.

My DS has always been a very active baby. DH and I have wondered several times from where he gets all that energy? He is also so quick and one of us always have to watch him. Otherwise, he might get into danger. When he was 1+, we thought it would get better after 2 since he couldnt understand us right now. But when he was 2+, he could understand what we were telling him better than 1+, but it did not get better for us because he choose NOT to follow it.. lol..

He just turned 3 last month and I must say it got so much better. He still is very active but it is not that we always have to watch him. He communicates better.

Dear OP, this is such a tough time and this too shall pass. It will get better as she grows up. Don't hit her EVER. Be patient. Meanwhile, always remind yourself to enjoy those cute precious moments with you little DD. It will not come back. Record your memories (photos/videos etc) and also write a journal if you can about all her adorable antics. Good luck! Be patient!

 

Haha...I had two babies doing the same...they still do this...its very tiry and sometimes irritated. We just kept all the things that can harm them out of their reach. You have to change the settings. Keep stell utensils below and other breakable items above. Keep toys everywhere where she go to play. If she don't reach the toys make toys reach her. Take her out make her play with the kids of her age. Don't show her anger. This is the age when kids adapt the behaviour very easily. Be very careful.

 

Welcome to parenthood OP. I can feel your pain. I think morning hours are always going to be like that till your kids go to school..no matter you work or not.
My kid is 3 and we are still same. Morning, everyone screaming shouting and getting late. Kid running here there playing, not wanting to go to school or get ready or put on shoes. I myself hate to turn on TV, but thats only way to put bites into her mouth and change her clothes and comb her. So that means 1 full hr.
She understands that and she takes full use of her. Day I do not put on TV, she does drama and she knows it will get TV on.
I am waiting till she turns 5 as I hear thats when they calm a bit.

My kid also does many of those activities, getting into fridge, getting under table and worst, locking door from inside.. like in india. Part of childhood, later we are going to miss these. So I suggest, keep telling some of unsafe things to her again and again in normal tone.

Like we do not touch knives. What happens when we touch knives, we hurt and we go to doc, get injection.. long scary story... with consequences and some fake story like some kid did this and that happened. ...
It works. Specially on girl child... they are easy to scare
It works when they are in good mood.

 

in those soothing words you had transported the sister OP to a great relief and comfort. while As I read your lines above, I reminisced. I used to spoon feed my daughter and spouse when they were in great hurry infront of mirror just before getting ready to leave home for their college and office respectively. As I do that, I find they get rejuvenated for the entire day perhaps.
Thanks and Regards.
God Bless Us All.

 

@MonikaSG
Since You clicked liking the above, I wish to add one more point to the above.
My spoon feeding sometimes even to this day keeps my occasional visiting daughter and spouse enthusiastic as they hurry through jointly making food for the family. I keep the dry fruits and nuts for them and if they do not take it from platter as their hands tied up with something else, just make them open their mouth and would gently drop it into their mouth. They and I, derive delectable pleasure. When they seemed to be little dispirited or enervated, I try to play their favourites in U tube ( as you do it for kids by switching on their favourite channel). It reminds them of older times, when I used to do the rest of the cooking, as spouse was in double shift bank.
Thanks and Regards.