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Ageing lonely tempts reconcilation?

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by desposhwetha, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. desposhwetha

    desposhwetha Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all

    Does prolonged loneliness with separation for more than 2 years induce thoughts of reconsecration? How many of you have felt a desire to go back and check if things could be amended. Has the heat subsided? Even if you do not kids or parents who are ageing or your neighborhood that looks at you with questions?

    Do you feel the pain subsiding and a growing and a dying desire for things between you both to mend by itself even though heart of heart you know it is not going to happen.Do you start wishing for good old days or some miracle to happen out of the blue

    Separation was a genuinely conspicuous decision which you obviously took out of no choice. Now that years have passed and so many many stories encountered at work and at family, have you ever felt that maybe things could have been mended.
    When you see and listen to ladies who crib of husbands and in laws worse than yours do you ever feel that you have hastened in your decision to separate.

    Does the thought s of future trouble and worry you. Does that fact all your male acquaintances be it colleague, family, friend are in a way bad and they have their dark shades and that no one is that perfect guy that you wish for.

    Do pour out your thoughts on this.
     
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  2. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    No one is perfect. If separation was due to lack of him being a "great match" or "just routine some stuff incompatible", then every other couple would have to separate. If separation was due to a more serious reason, then it was probably the right decision.
     
    shobhamma likes this.
  3. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    No one is perfect but there are many couples who are fighting with each other and still put up with each other. If there is no interest from guys end then nothing much can be done.Seperation is best option.By leaving at least one will be happy in life.
    May times i felt i should hav put on with the crap for the sake of society but then if the other person is idiotic nothing much can be done.
     
    Mrngdew likes this.
  4. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Dear OP and others:-

    If you are feeling like this, chances are very high that you have jumped to a wrong conclusion about your divorce.

    Yes. No one is perfect. Every marriage has problems on their own unique way. Some manage to vent, some manage to handle and others manage to comfortably hide. But every marriage would have faced a significant time where both or at least one partner would want to sit and see whether separation is on their cards.
    There is no smooth journey in marriage. Because it is highly impossible to gel so well with a person who has a different personality and background than you. Forget about the social rules, in laws and other issues in life. So problems in any marriage is obvious.

    But it doesn't mean marriage is problem. You should find a way to overcome your problem. Find a middle ground, or learn the lessons to adjust/compromise and accept each other.
    Because marriage is not all about problems. It is a social responsibility.

    However, there are basic rights that every human being should enjoy to live peacefully and happily on this earth. Love, food, respect, sex etc..etc...
    Violating any such rights in the name of marriage means a serious problem. Even if you wish to go back and correct everything for the society, I suspect whether your mind will accept that.
    This is where separation becomes the only choice.

    Learn to embrace the loneliness!
     
  5. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Gold IL'ite

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    There are two things here. One is, you want the person back in life and two, you want to be in a relationship.

    Probably, you are wanting a relationship.

    Did the guy change a bit during these two years? If he is the same person, your situation is going to be same even after reconciliation. Attempt to reconcile should be from both the parties. If it is contemplated by only one party motivated by prolonged loneliness, then there's going to be regret.
     
    Ghaiyatri and Mrngdew like this.
  6. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    You need partner.Not necessary same old one.Desire to have ons is normal after certain age.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  7. vidhyabaskar

    vidhyabaskar Gold IL'ite

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    Yes. Desire to have a companion is normal for any human being of any age.

    As others said, you miss a companion, not your ex.
     
  8. indian786

    indian786 New IL'ite

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    Hi....all i would like to say and believe is every person has his/her share of life on this earth,yes
    living alone can be hard at times,but not IMPOSSIBLE,as i have been leading a lonely life for the
    past 18 years after my sepration.!!!
     
    Barupavi likes this.
  9. maya9876

    maya9876 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Op,

    You are feeling lonely and in need of companionship. Thats what the real issue is. Dont confuse that with your decision of separating.

    As you have mentioned yourself, you had no choice but to separate, it in itself means you were at your wits end. With time we forget the bad incidents/experiences in our broken relationships and our mind tends to remember only the better parts of the relationship forgetting the reasons why we ended it in the first place.

    Its easier to take a decision but very hard to live by it. You have separated because of the terrible experiences you faced, but now you are looking back and wondering maybe that turbulent relationship is better than this turmoil of loneliness.

    Your previous post about your ex husband and family assures me that you took the right decision moving away from that toxicity. It is hard being a divorcee or a separated woman in a society like ours but dont make the mistake of forgetting what put you in this place firstly. You had a terrible marriage, you took a brave decision to separate and now learn to bravely live with that decision and find ways to improve your situation.
    Find things to do to alleviate this loneliness and depression. Make new circle of friends, join classes, do short courses, learn a new art. Do something/anything that will divert your mind when these thoughts creep in.
    There are many women still in loveless marriage for various reasons but how do you know they are happier than you ?
    Dont confuse your emotions OP. Instead find ways to deal with the core of your problem - loneliness.

    You will have a better life OP, one day, sooner than you think, dont give up. Just be patient and be open to new things.

    As they say, ' when you let go of your past, something better comes along'.
     
  10. sslkgpaa

    sslkgpaa Gold IL'ite

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    I dont think you can generalize like this. I have witnessed many marriages where leave alone separation couple cant even think of spending few weeks alone.
     

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