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Afraid to have Kids..how to prepare myself mentally?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by swathiudhay, Dec 7, 2011.

  1. swathiudhay

    swathiudhay Bronze IL'ite

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    Hello All,

    Now we both love kids and have decided to have one by 2013... I want to know from IL'S about their life before having kids and after kids... I know 2013 is lot of time, but want to prepare myself mentally before having kids.

    Is having a kid mandatory in a women's life?
    Can i be a good mother?
    Will i have the same freedom to life even after having a kid?
    Sometimes i get v.angry and feel like hitting when my co-sister son cry and make a fuss for a thing...so how will i handle if my kid does the same thing?

    Oh my god from when my hubby declared that we will have kids my mind is going ring a round and many question are popping up and am getting afraid...


    Thanks in advance
     
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  2. vibhaRam

    vibhaRam Junior IL'ite

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    Mandatory ??? hmm...well I don't know about that, but you will know what LOVE is when you see your baby...cute, chubby face,tiny feet,tiny fingers,their awesome amazing innocent smile will make you relieve from everything. That shall make your "day" which was overwhelming.

    Motherhood itself teaches you everything.It's a part of woman's life.

    A woman who used to be annoyed looking at a somebody's runny nose kid would not at all think a wee bit when it comes her OWN kid to wipe the nose.A Lady who never calms down a kid would run and hold her in her arms and would hug and kiss if he/she were her OWN.
    what I am trying to tell you is the approach is different when it comes to our own flesh and blood.

    You might be angry now but after your delivery you wouldn't be, I guess it's mainly because of those hormones you will be very much emotional, affectionate,possessive towards your new one.

    Raising a kid is a huge responsibility.Time shall teach everyone everything. Coming to "freedom"
    there's nothing to feel like you are trapped in something,of course kids don't know anything, we ought to take care of them,teach them, feed them,clean them,put to sleeps etc...so in order to all that you would become a little bit busy,but wouldn't lose your freedom. If both you and your husband share that shouldn't be a problem.

    Don't worry much. You sure will become a GREAT MOM as you are thinking about kids from now itself :))
     
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  3. modernwoman

    modernwoman Senior IL'ite

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    I think nowadsys women think too much .Comeon women have been having children ages ago ..We don't have to be so perfect to be a mother .Are we perfect in everything we do ?Hell No.We learn as we go along ..If one plans so much in life its better not to do anything at all as everything has its share of ups and downs.

    I have two kids and I am not a perfect mother but I am learning and coping .A child can change you .Its not mandatory but god has made us to be mothers.Its all inside us
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2011
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  4. Chandrika82

    Chandrika82 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Swathi,

    I understand what you are feeling, and this is a doubt thats definitely in the minds of all first time moms-to-be.
    I am one in fact, i am expecting my LO by end of Feb.

    In the beginning, when I was TTC for 3 years I was just desperate to have a baby and didnt think beyond getting pregnant. Now that I am in the final trimester, I too think about whether I will be a good mother. I know i have some bad habits, some laziness.. what if I pass it on to my kid? How will i be a responsible parent?

    In the end, I think no one can answer these questions for you. As other ladies pointed out, motherhood is something you grow into and keep learning. No parent is perfect. I am sure we see some flaws in our parents, and i am sure our kids will see some flaws in us. That doesnt mean we dont love our parents and care for them.
    Bottom line is, do your best and everything else will fall into place.

    Best of luck.
     
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  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Swathi,

    No, having kids is not mandatory. One should have kids if one loves them and wants to have them. Based on your post, I get the feeling you are fond of kids. Well, then go ahead and have one. Yes, having kids is no bed of roses.

    There will be ups and downs, they will have their days, so will you. be prepared for sleepless nights, feeding, changing, watching over an unhappy, unwell child who is unwilling to get off your lap. Think of a child who needs you for everything. Will your life ever be the same? NO. Will you enjoy your freedom as you do now? Let us not pretend. The answer clearly is NO.

    But each trying moment will be compensated with a sweet, guileless, charming smile that will blow your mind and sweep you off your feet, tender kisses, gentle hugs, a tiny hand trying to wipe off your tears as it looks into your eyes with confusion and concern. Think of all those belly laughs that will set of a chain of making each other laugh. :-D Think how it would be to see the baby playing, gurgling and cooing in the middle of the night and sticking its little fist into your face, to wake you up.

    Think of a little human being who will be yours to mould and bring up and to whom you will be the most important person in the world (TILL HE/SHE GETS MARRIED - AFTER THAT BE PREPARED TO SHARE YOUR CHILD WITH ANOTHER SIGNIFICANT PERSON IN HIS/HER LIFE. Have no illusions on that score and be reaslistic from the word go).

    Do not have a kid as an old age insurance policy. It might work, or you be setting yourself up for disappointment. So look on a child as a trust from God - a trust given to you to look after, treasure, bring up and mould into a good human being. If they are there for you in your old age, good for you. If not, you did not expect it in the first place.

    If you feel prepared to accept all these joys and pains with open arms, go ahead. If not, wait till you feel sure of taking the plunge. Your fears seem to stem from a fear of the unknown, a fear of change. It is a big step which will change your life for ever. Be prepared for that. As for being a good mother, most women make good mothers - almost all. And am sure you would fall in that category. Like others said before, it will grow on you like a second skin. When a child is born, so is a mother.

    Here is wishing you all the best, whichever way you choose to go, and also all happiness in life.
     
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  6. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with Satchi here! Go ahead and have kid only if you want to! Hubby decided for both of you or is it a mutual decision? Talk to a friend, relative you are comfortable with and they might just put things in perspective!
    It is definitely not normal wnating to thrash your SIL's kid!
    Just deciding the year does not solve everything! Remember KIDS ARE NOT SOMETHING YOU BUY FROM A SUPERMARKET,
     
  7. swathiudhay

    swathiudhay Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks you all for the guidance...
    @janani: its a mutual decision and we both love kids...but sometimes i just getting so angry if a kid is throwing bad tantrums, i don trash them but i feel like doing it...maybe i should start practicing patience from now on.

    @chandrika: thanks for understanding...i really wanna have a kid but feel very nervous...

    @sachi, vibha, mordernwomen: thanks for giving a practical suggestion...and will start preparing mentally with all the ups and downs to be faced...
     
  8. Chandrika82

    Chandrika82 Silver IL'ite

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    You're welcome. Good luck with whatever decision you take !! :)
     
  9. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    After kids, life wont be the same for sure.. but it will be all the more beautiful and awesome. take my word, u'll love ur life more after kids.
     
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  10. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    Satchi,
    Those were words of wisdom!!! Loved every line of your post... Practical and filled with so much warmth...
     

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