Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Deol7777, Aug 20, 2019.
Okay. Thanks for clarifying..
Thanks all for your replies. I feel better now.I somehow feel guilty when I give back to adults ( especially now that FIL is no more )and I am afraid that it is bad karma etc. But honestly it is making my life miserable . So started confronting her as I feel I am losing precious moments with my husband and kids as I keep remembering old taunts whenever new thing happens. I will learn to ignore her completely going forward If she continues to play same old tricks. If she changes and be nice, I will be nice to her. Thanks everyone.
Your mil is passive aggressive. Most of the Indian mothers tend to be passive aggressive because they have been hurt and conditioned since the childhood. It’s difficult
To handle but possible. She needs help. Do not accept her passive aggressive behaviour. When she talks about neighbour, ask her why? Curiously ask why is she sharing with you? She may not be able to answer why or she might struggle to answer for why. Only way to heal such people is through love. Passive aggressive people have really low self esteem. Ask your husband to take her for a walk, share with her that he loves his wife so much, share with her how much you both love her, telling her she is blessed to have wonderful children, advising her not to taunt instead show love. He has to keep doing this every single day.
What not to do:
1. Don’t be passive aggressive
2. Be extremely strong, passive aggressive people cannot play games with strong people
3. When she talks about neighbour, tell her we have to be positive always and we have to
Speak only good and kind things
4. Do not gossip with her
5. If she appreciates co sister, tell yes mom you are belssed that you have two wonderful daughter in laws.
Hi Ignorance is bliss. You need to completely ignore her comments. She keeps making them because she knows they affect you and hence she is "winning". If you show indifference, then it will bother her, and in a matter of time she will stop. Once you answer, or defend yourself, she feels she got you. I bet you 100percent the comments will lesson and may even go away when you show no emotional attachment to them. When she says what you think about this couple I would say they so cute. Stay positive and say positive things. When she refuses to partake in happy occasions still execute them and not include her. Like someone else said after second time she will automatically come along cause she will be bored at home, and jealous you guys are having a good time. Don't respond to her comments unless they are abusive and really really bad. Then don't let her get away with that. The great thing is you have your husband support and that is all that matters. She is never going to change, so just adapt your behaviour and reactions accordingly. As well, your husband will become more supportive of you, because he is going to think she keeps picking on my wife for no reason. Take care.
My mil is exactly the same way even worse that I have 2 sil although they are married and dont stay with us but everytime they come they taunt me indirectly. I been married from 16 years..me and mil never got along..she would pass hurtful comments ..always praising her average looking daughter's, nitpicking everything I do..lying to my husband about me..u are very lucky that husband is in your side..my husband cannot tolerate a single word about his mom..he say she is old ignore her..no it's easier said than done..after many years of hurt I have completely stopped talking to my sil's and mil..I dont care they are elder..if they cannot respect me I cannot in return..I am so done with them..husband say that I will old too someday and I say at least i wont treat my dil like she treats me..in the past she was bedridden for many months I took good care of her but still no regard for that..such people never change..they only hurt because deep down they hate their miserable selves..they are jealous of you..so dear be happy , enjoy..you have a good husband who supports you.