Adieu to a dear friend...

One of the many things that an expatriate in any country learns is to say good bye to friends. The sooner one adapts to the fact that people will come and go and there is no permanency in your immediate circles of friends the better for one. And so I have been here for more than a decade now and seen many of my good friends leave. Of course we are in touch virtually and also meet if we happen to visit India at the same time. But I have learnt to stop crying while saying goodbye.

What makes my friendship with M so special is the realization of the fact that one need not have a lot in common to make friends. You can just like a person for what she / he is and need not spend every waking moment with her/him to classify that relationship as friendship. The only thing we have in common is that both of us laugh very easily. It is true what they say about a smile being the shortest distance to friendship.

I still remember the first day we met M. It was some eight years ago and a lot of us Indians had met at a fellow Indian’s house during Navarathri. I must tell you about how an expat Indian usually celebrates the festival here in Malaysia. Most of them have a golu at home, are either having people home or visiting someone else’s home during those nine days. The vethala paaku is no longer just that, it now is a social, secular meet for three or four hours comprising of some singing, chanting of lalitha sahasranamam and ends with a sumptuous lunch and a return gift. I, being a little reserved by nature, end up going only to two or three close friends’ places.

So it was at a close friend’s home where I first met M. She had just come down from the US a day before and got in touch with another mutual friend P who thought it would be a good idea to bring M too and introduce her to the Indian community. So as we saree-clad ladies sat on the floor waiting for the singing and chanting to begin, in walks P with M. P dressed in a kanjeevaram like the rest of us and M in a tight pair of jeans and T shirt. She was very slim, had a boy cut and looked only a little older than a school girl. Years later she told me how out of place she had felt that day but one would not believe it seeing the wide smile of greeting she gave everybody in the room. I was amused to see the people around me give her glances and then look resignedly at their slokam books as she did not look like the ‘Mahalakshmi‘ anyone of us could visualize.

Then they began lalitha sahasranamam .Only a handful of them chant it properly. The rest, including me are just adding to the noise. So many of them look at their books, clear their throats; some close their eyes since they know it by heart, and people like me just stare at the book and try to keep in pace with what the rest are chanting. I happened to catch a glimpse of M. She could not sit cross legged in her jeans so had opted for a corner and with her eyes closed was chanting the full slokam by heart and in tune with the experts. Her attire and strong American accent were such a contrast to what she was doing that it made me smile to myself. She totally confirmed my belief that the way we dress has got nothing to do with God or religion. We only follow man made rules.

After that she took the initiative and spoke to everyone in the room. It took me nearly three years to call her my good friend but I always liked her. Every time we talked, we could easily catch up from where we had left the previous time. A few dinners at each other’s places and some phone calls made us still closer. She had had problems conceiving but was always open about it. As a result people were very generous with advices and she says she learnt from me to take what she liked and ignore the rest. Whenever she felt low she would walk in (I am mostly at home and so is she, the only difference being she is mostly in other’s homes) and say that just getting things out of her system made her feel better. She is an extrovert and has hundreds of friends while I have maybe only a dozen, so I always wondered why she chose me to unburden herself. I never asked her but did feel pleased when she paid me the compliment that I was one of the coolest people she had met, who had no complaints, and that she was sure I never talked about one friend to another. So her secrets were safe with me. Whatever!

What did that friendship mean to me? She was young at heart (chronologically only five years younger than me), vivacious, fun, made me laugh and most importantly, happy. Ours was a relationship that I enjoyed and am sure to miss. It seemed a little uncanny to me that she was going away just when my Mri is coming back home. Don’t they say about people coming in your life for a purpose? And was that the purpose of her presence in my life? To fill the void in my life when my daughter was away? Was I mothering her?? Whatever it was for, I am grateful for it.

I heartily wish her only the very best in life and am positive she will continue spreading cheer and happiness wherever she goes.:cheers

 

thank you dear Viji..



“Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you.”

very true viji..I shall certainly do so

“True friends are the ones who never leave your heart, even if they leave your life for awhile. Even after years apart, you pick up with them right where you left off

Yes, and in todays world we can always keep in touch virtually, I guess

 

thanks sats..Yes she was someone whose calls I always welcomed..

I love your attitude of letting go of friends when the time comes.

Do we have an option here, Sats??

And if and when it is slated to happen, you will meet up again.

that is a nice thought now..

Also the fact that almost everyone is online these days makes it a lot easier to keep in touch.

oh yessss and like I always say, I am more in the virtual world than in the real one ...LOL