Actively Thinking About Divorce - Any Positive Experiences?

Have you guys tried Marriage counseling? There will always be cultural and personality differences as the upbringing of any two person is different. I am sure you must have tried, but try harder to understand and learn the other culture and personality. Personally, I think this is not a ground for divorce. Divorce should be in cases like abusive relationship or infidelity. Try to work out the relationship. Every relationship goes through tough phases.

I have not heard of any positive stories of divorce. The memories linger on for life. There is no guarantee that one finds the dream partner after divorce. Finding and trusting a partner itself becomes tough after divorce.

Please rethink you decision.

 

OP- You are the best judge of your situation. If you feel trapped and feel like this relationship has no future, please don't ignore the signs.
For your question, hell, yes. Getting divorce was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. I am married now and have two beautiful children. I met my husband at work, 1.5 years after my divorce, dated for 2 years before getting married. This is his first marriage. We just celebrated 8th anniversary last weekend. He is a wonderful man and I am truly blessed to have him in my life.
I wouldn't have known what true love and mutual respect is, had I stayed in my previous marriage.

 

There are many factors which need to be given a serious thought before jumping to divorce.
Are you financially independent?
Do you have strong supporting family ?
Will you be able to manage the emotional trauma?
How about your baby ? What about baby custody ?

Some people are really lucky that they get true loving partner in first yeah second marriage .But not everyone is blessed. Before making the final decision give all the chances to this marriage ( counseling ) but once the decision is taken then don't look back.

 

I've been through your threads and it sounds like your husband is extremely controlling and emotionally abusive. Moving away from this toxic person would be good for you. You will need your support structure in place

I have many friends both indian and non indian, both with and without kids who have left miserable marriages to make something of thenselves; and found true love along the way. It is possible but you do have to take your time to heal and your support structure must be strong. Good luck.

 

Apart from the cultural and other missed matches, you guys also have this sexual miss match. Despite of your attempt to save this marriage for the kid, and the following counselling sessions, I remember reading somewhere that your counselor too suggested to go for divorce since your problems are too complicated.

Since you have worked before your child, I think you could easily resume your profession sooner or later.
Since you live in the US, and grew up there, I don't think finding better care system for your kid is not a problem. Either a day care, or good nanny as appropriate.
So, think about child custody...

I have at least 3 close friends and an older sister to one of my bestie, who have gone through bitter divorce to be re-married very happily and successfully,

Friend 1. Married for few months and separated from her cheating husband. But she found out that she was pregnant only after walking out of that marriage. She divorced him later.
After 5 years of real struggle (including social humiliation, discrimination in the work place, familial isolation, no support or care system to raise the kid as a single, working mom etc) she managed to patch up with her parents; thus had a great support system around.
Then she met her love at her work place and dated him for 3 years, and finally married him. The better part is, he was never married before, and accepted her kid as his own.
They are very happily settled now.

Friend 2. Went through a very abusive marriage, where she was emotionally and physically abused by her H, and in laws. She accepted everything and managed to live there to save the marriage. At one point, her H was caught red handed while being intimate with a girl who was much younger to him. When confronted, he pushed my friend away from their home.
She was working; hence stayed at her parents' place yet independently.
Within a few years, she met her love at the work place, and both families arranged their marriage. This guy too was never married, and now they are happily married.
There was no kid in her previous marriage.

Friend 3. Had a court marriage with a doctor, and was waiting for the cultural wedding as arranged by the parents.
But just before their wedding day, there was a huge fight between the families, thus the marriage was called off.
She was not consummated in that marriage, though on papers her marriage was legalized by that time.
She divorced him, and waited for another 7-8 years to find her match via her family members.
Now that she is married, again to a never married guy with the blessings of both parents. They are happy too.

Friend 4: Had an inter-religious love marriage against parents' wish, thus eloped with the guy. Suffered 3-4 years in that marriage like hell. Mainly no job, no place to stay and then fights between the spouses, no family support etc. They were too young when married.
She got conceived 3 times, and every time she delivered still born babies in the government hospitals.
One day, that guy disappeared thus she was left all alone in a new city with no help.
The guy went out of the country with the help of his parents, while she was rescued by her parents. But they treated her like an animal with no respect at all for the mess she has created to the family's pride.
After sometimes, she found a job and started to stay independent.
At the age of 27, she was married off to a divorcee guy as arranged by her parents.
The guy was old like in late 30s or so when got married.
But she lives happily after that. Now that they have 2 beautiful girls and their life is nothing short of a real heaven.
She is my friend's older sister.

But I have plenty of acquaintances, there cases are unknown to me. But for the world, they are divorced, rather hurried to walk out of their marriage, and still fighting against all the odds to lead a meaningful life.

 

Thanks for sharing SGBV! These success stories truly impart hope and strength to those in need of it!!

 

There are lot of positive stories around the world. But it's not easy. It's tough going to family court, it's tough to think you are one in the divorce statistics, it's tough to explain to your kid that dad will not live with you, tough to explain to family, colleagues. One does face lot of humiliation, judgement, gets free advise, gets unnecessary attention etc. Especially if you are living in India, you can find difference in the way of some of people you thought decent will act.

But if you have reached a point of no return/abused/dis respected there is no choice than to take this tough decision as every body deserves to be happy and safe in a relationship.

 

Just ask yourself one question: would I be happier with this decision? If the answer is yes, follow your instinct. Rest all will follow suit.