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A 'mother's day' special...

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Mindian, May 10, 2013.

  1. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    It is mother's day once again, but this time I’m going to write about someone else. I am not going to say the much clichéd “She was like a mother to me" because now I know what it is to be a mother. What I feel for my child is something I cannot feel for anybody else in the world. But, with all sincerity I can say she was a good MIL. Her children always came first with her, and I no longer see that as a fault because it is the same with most of us. It only shows that she was a GREAT mother. Besides, why should a MIL be a mother to the DIL? Surely that particular term was coined to denote a totally different relation?

    Today I understand her more than I ever understood her, and I can justify many of her actions with “Oh, probably I would have done the same in her situation." Oh yes, we both are typical Scorpios.:)

    There were a lot of things about her that I admired. She not only preached but also practised equality between the sexes, and had taught both her son and daughter to share the household work because she herself couldn't do much by the time I entered their lives. She had taught them both to read and write Tamil and it was a great disappointment to her that she couldn’t discuss Tamil novels with me. She thought the world of her children and others had to bear the brunt of this :) Once, when her sister came to meet her, I could swear that both of them were praising their sons at the same time without listening to the other, with me looking on as a stunned spectator.

    I knew nothing about cooking then, and the first time her sister and family came over for a meal she told them that I had made the sambhar. Of course, I avoided that aunt’s eyes throughout the meal. :hide:She was a great hostess and always kept in mind what the guest liked and prepared it for them. My brother and my cousin both used to visit me and they enjoyed her company as she played chess with them or talked about the latest novel she had read.

    She was very intelligent and her tongue-in-cheek sense of humour made her very good company. Here are some instances...

    When MGR passed away I was at my mother's place, and after I came back she talked to me about it. My hubby was surprised and asked her why talk about it after so many days and she replied “illai da, aval irukalaye appo, adhunala dhukham vijarikaren" (she was not here when it happened so I am offering my condolences).

    Once, both hubby and I had gone out, and came back late to find guests at home. We later learnt that she had explained our absence with "they are newly married, no? Of course, they will have so much to talk…. Don’t they have to decide whether communism or capitalism is good for the country?"

    One of our friends had presented us with a diary when we got married and we talked at home about it being a very weird gift. Months later when he invited us to his son’s first birthday and we were in need of an idea for a present for him, she came up with "now you can give him a pocket diary" which I found totally hilarious.

    I used to give her insulin injections for her diabetes regularly. Instead of dreading those times she used to say laughingly "now this is your chance to have your revenge on me… you can jab me really hard!"

    She enjoyed seeing me decked up (somehow I couldn't be bothered, unless it was an occasion) and would buy me flowers when I wore a sari and encourage me to wear trousers. Later she would say to her sister proudly that "my DIL looks good both in modern and traditional wear because she is tall."

    She saw to it that my hubby took leave from work and took me out on every monthly anniversary for the whole first year of our marriage. On our first wedding anniversary (good for me that, by then I had learned some cooking from her) I wanted to invite my family for a home cooked dinner with us. Later that night she told my hubby "My DIL looked like a pretty flower this morning but now has that withered look. Never must you make her work on your anniversary again." I was so touched, and to date I rate it as the best compliment that I have ever received.

    Sadly, all these good times lasted only for a year after our marriage. My MIL was diagnosed with cancer and was in and out of hospitals over the next two years, which turned her into a very different person. She was totally bedridden during the last few months of her life and I knew what it was to take care of a loved one with patience. But even in that frail stage, she was so just that she used to tell me "why should you do so much for me? I have done a lot only for my kids, so let them look after me now. You have to do for your parents."

    Now, aren’t you all thinking that she was the BEST? Of course!!! For me, that relationship was for keeps. In honour of mother’s day, I dedicate this post to my late MIL. Whatever were our squabbles, I am fiercely loyal to her as she was to me…we never let each other down and I want only fond memories of her. Another typical trait in Scorpios, I guess :)


    Happy Mother's day, Dear friends ...:):cheers
     
    sindmani, luvli, Sofea and 22 others like this.
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  2. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    Mindi dear what a beautiful tribute to your Mother in Law for mother's day. Since two days I have been thinking of writing about mother in law but I would not have written so well like you. Your post shows the love between you and your mother in law. Though you could not be with her for a long time but the few years you were with her should have been the best memories. Glad you got good compliments from her which shows the love she has for you. She must have thought you as a daughter and not like a daughter in law. Glad you had the opportunity to look after her during her illness. Her blessings will always be there for you. Being a cute and loving person everyone will have a special place in their heart for you.

    My mother in law was also there only for two years. The little compliments I got from her I always treasure. If not for her dont know whether my husband would have married me. When he came to see me and went home he told his mother I like her but she is very thin. She told him dont worry after marriage she will put on weight. But I was always the same even after marriage. That was ablessing I feel. My dh's friend's wife used to put tickli and my mil told her see my dil she puts kumkum and it looks so nice. Those days tickli was not much in vogue , if my MIL had to be there dont know what she would have said. I also put tickli and on top of it I put kumkum because the kumkum does not stick properly now a days. Glad I had the opportunity to look after her during her last days. One thing which used to worry me she did not like my husband helping me and taking me out. When I used to tell my husband he used to say I was born after 5 daughters so I am her pet. For me both of you are same, my two eyes. Glad that on the day she died she had the rasam which I had made. Glad I could write something about my mil in your post
     
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  3. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mindi

    That was a lovely tribute to your MIL.

    I will say all MIL's were mother only later did they get this promotion of MIL. If there are no titbits in the house hold we will never recognise the importance of them when they are not with us all. Many of us lack in seeing they goodness when they are with us around we never take them seriously. That trade mark of MIL is always there in our heart (She is not our mother).
    I just loved that she has told K not to make you work on the anniversary.
     
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  4. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    Viji I find that really amusing. I will be waiting for you :)
     
  5. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    Many of us lack in seeing they goodness when they are with us around we never take them seriously.

    very true Aruna. I have been wanting to write about her for quite sometime now. She was a real broadminded person .Also this is for my Mri because she never knew this grandma of hers :) My MIL adored children but never lived to see her grandchild.


    I just loved that she has told K not to make you work on the anniversary.

    hahaha and I make sure that K listens to his mother :wink:
     
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  6. iswaryadevi

    iswaryadevi Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Mindi,

    I was so moved by your post. A wonderful dedication to your MIL! Happy Mother's day to all out there! :cheers
     
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  7. kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    What a tribute Mindi!
    Beautiful!
    For all of us our mother is the best. Nothing new and nothing great in talking about her. That love and that bond is so special and unique.

    However, what is great is talking about another person's mother, and for this I admire you. Your post comes as a salve when all I see in the sidebar are negatives about mil.

    The real mantra in a healthy mil-dil relationship is for both parties to understand one basic truth that you had mentioned. The mil should understand that the dil will not love her like she loves her mother; and the dil should understand that mil will not love her like she loves her own children.

    This realization removes all expectations from both sides of the aisle which helps build a sound relationship on a strong foundation.

    The other thing I noticed is that you never compared your mil to your own mother or your home. Comparisons are so unhealthy, my experiences tell me.

    My sentiments for my mil are similar to yours Mindi...no I am not a Scorpio :)
    My mil had her faults but then so did I. Our relationship was just as wonderful and friendly as yours was. Ours lasted for ten years and many times I would go and stay with her without my husband just to help build that friendship.
    It was an empty world the day I lost a good friend. Even today when there are family issues I wish she was alive to keep all in check.
    Well...let me not take up your space here talking about my mil.

    With two sons to my credit I have observed my mil even more closely to take lessons from her and now your mil is also a role model. I have gleaned some important lessons from your article too. Thank you.

    I am sure your post is nominated. I am going to nominate it nevertheless.

    Happy mothers day.
     
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  8. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    thank you,my dear Viji :) You always have a special affection for me so you have only nice things to say about me .I a not sure I deserve all your compliments but nevertheless love you for that :)

    . One thing which used to worry me she did not like my husband helping me and taking me out. When

    these sort of things we learn to smile and shrug of with age, I guess. Oh how nice it would be if wisdom came early in life .
     
  9. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mindi, somewhere in your wicked youth or childhood you must have done something good. You were blessed to get a friend in a mil and I am sure she was very lucky too to get one in you. Such examples are so rare. It requires a tremendous maturity on the part of the mil to make the dil comfortable and to treat her as an equal, not as a serf.

    Your mil must be reading this from somewhere and must feel very blessed to have had a dil like you. :-D
     
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  10. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mindi,

    Just like you to come out with a befitting post at the right time! Just as all are thinking of their mothers, you too think of a mother, only, not your own and a mother -IN-LAW at that!!:thumbsup

    And why not Mindi, after all, she is the mother of one's better half, right? Besides, as we too go through life and the motions of motherhood, we are in a better mental state to understand the mother in an in-law. The phenomena of m-i-l is not just unique to us Indians, it is all over the world as I discovered while traversing through different countries! Given that, there is bound to be differences between two women as they are not mother and daughter! But with time, m-i-ls become one of the most important people in a woman's life and in most cases, in spite of many differences, they become a unit!!

    Your post has put me into a nostalgic mood and I am thinking of my 'Amma' and her influence on me and my family. I think it was also the case with Vijima and Kamala who have nominated the post to FP of the month. Special Congratulations to you for this post goes to prove that M-i-ls can also be our friends and companions 'whatever the squabbles' may be!

    L, Kamla
     
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