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A Little Help Needed From My Fellow Working Moms...

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by naturalkind, Apr 27, 2017.

  1. naturalkind

    naturalkind Senior IL'ite

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    Dear friends,

    I come here with a 2 set of problem which are kind of inter related please help me out taking a right decision.

    1. I work in US in IT field and after great effort (on my part) and sacrifice on my mother, father, husbands and daughters part I got a full time job in a big company. I have around 6 years of experience but the experience is distributed 4 years in India then 4 years break (where I kept on studying /attending classes) 2 years in US.

    2. Luckily for me the 2 years of experience in US in my first company was fantastic everybody was helpful I gained back my confidence which kind of helped me to get a full time job.

    3. Now coming to current situation this being a big company the team is distributed my manager is in UK, all the team is in India and in US there were supposed to be 3 of us. The 3 of us were me, my TL who went for sabbatical as soon as I joined and a third person who has been in this project for the past 10 years and is causing me a lot of grief.

    4. Now my team lead left I was sort of left to this 1 person’s mercy and from the very beginning he was very passive aggressive telling me things like one of the other person who interviewed me had rejected me actually but still they hired you. Then 4 people who were working before you all got fired. But this is not my issue I don’t get fazed by these thrash talk.

    5. My main issue is this person was the sole individual who could help me to understand the project or help me understand the technology or understand whom to contact in case of issue, but soon I realized he was withholding information from me which according to me is the cheapest way to increase ones importance.

    6. Now all of you will say why don’t you complain to your manager but my manager thinks in his own words that this individual is a “superman” and has the impression of that this person bends over backward to help people but the problem is this for this individual I am a direct threat (he is a consultant) and helping me is like pushing him out of the project.

    7. So what should I do? I am almost 9 months in this project but I am literally of no use since my lack of knowledge. My fear is if I escalate this issue the 10% help that he extends sometimes he will stop that too then my productivity might end up being negative.

    8. Should I just bear this and gain whatever 10% he throws at me? (which I am currently doing)

    This brings to my second part of problem

    1. I can get help from our team in India but for that I need to be in office at 8am now to be in office at 8am, I have to leave my house by 7:30am drop my daughter to day care and reach office.

    2. Like all Indian kids she has eating issues and does not eat much in daycare so at least I make it a point that she finishes a complete breakfast before leaving to school so to get all that done I will have to wake her up at 6:30am which I feel is so unfair.

    3. We sleep at around 10:30pm.

    4. So please help me with a schedule how should I divide my evening to from 5:30pm in such a way that my daughter can sleep early and wake up early?

    5. Also I need to find time to study on my own just in case the above issue of me not performing well escalates so much that I need to change my job.


    If anybody has more questions please ask but I need to get this sorted out.
     
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  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Couple of Questions: how old is your daughter? Its the 10:30 the bedtime for your child, as well? It's quite late. Does she need you to sleep? How fixed is your work schedule? Can you work from home partially?
     
  3. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    "So please help me with a schedule how should I divide my evening to from 5:30pm in such a way that my daughter can sleep early and wake up early"
    I use almost fixed schedules for my kids. like this . We reach home by 6:00 PM and leave home by 7:30-8:00 AM. A rough idea ..
    6-7- Snack or playtime after they reach from school / watch video for some time if they want
    7- bath , prayer etc followed by homework
    8- Dinner time followed by reading stories or watching something or depends..brush
    9- bed time (fixed, they should go to bed).
    wake up by 6:30-7:00
    break fast -
    leave home 7:30-8:00 Drop kids at school/daycare then head to work
    May be you can use 9-10:30 hours for your work . Anyway think about it.
     
    Induslady and BhumiBabe like this.
  4. naturalkind

    naturalkind Senior IL'ite

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    Daughter is 3 years old and sleeps at around 10:30pm and wakes up by 8:30am. She needs me to sleep next to her. I somewhat like your schedule and i do bath after dinner may be I will change that up.
     
  5. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    My son is also a light sleeper and sleeps only beside me (or my mother), so my husband added a hook to our ceiling (in the US) for a spring to hang a sari. This helps to put him to sleep, if I am not able to sleep at the same time.

    Anyway, beyond that, try to move up the bathtime to 7-7:30 and bedtime to 8, which may require waking her up a little earlier to change her schedule. After she is sleeping deeply, try to finish your work and prep work for the next day (packing lunches, etc.) I understand your pain about putting kids to bed early, my son needs everyone to be in bed before he sleeps.

    We wake up at 6:30, I shower, change my son's clothes (no morning bath for him), make him eat milk/rusk/cereal, and then we're out the door by 7:30. Since I get to work at 8, I leave 5 (or before), pick him up, and get home by 5:30. DINNER is served around 6-6:30. I cook major food items during the weekends, and have veggies all cut, so during the week, I can quickly make subjis or veggie fry.
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Same with my kids, I need to be with them. So I also follow schedule like this. If I want to do some thing else, I will leave the bed, once I am sure that they slept. Needs some patience. I feel that 10:30 is too late for kids (it will be difficult for them to wake up early with that bed time), so you should consider moving it up . Once she is used to that, it will be easy for her to wake up early. If you can stick to the schedules (bed time, wake up time), they will became very used it. That is my experience.
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2017
  7. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Potentially, you can ask a friend to take care of your kid, 1-2x while you study
     
  8. naturalkind

    naturalkind Senior IL'ite

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    I think studying part I can move to weekends. Today I tried the bath first thing and realized she was more hungry than usual after bath (thats a plus :) ) and ate super fast and was in bed by 9:30pm but of course due to her habit she slept late.
     
  9. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    You problem is very common. Lot of people who are senior act same way to juniors like your coworker, may be job insecurity. You are doing right thing. Keep pursuing him for knowledge transfer. Try to be nice, take initiatives, brush up your skills during office hours, utilize each and every minute in upgrading your knowledge. Mostly while working only we learn maximum. Try to give bath and dinner to your daughter earlier and put her to sleep by 9 pm. don't stress too much if your daughter doesn't eat in front of you. she has to learn eating in daycare like other kids. we all indian moms worry too much thats why our kids become picky eaters. My kids were also picky eaters and I used to break my head, cry, plead lot but now I feel it was not worth. Focus on important things and prioritize. Everything will fall in place. In office try to be diplomatic and confident. Hardworking skilled people are always in demand. Don't be intimidated. Love your work but not your company. This is just a stepping stone in your career.
     
  10. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    :) Thats great. Dont worry, she will get used to it slowly. Have some patience. We all eat together at the same time. That saves my time because I used to feed them (use high chair or booster seat if needed) while I eat. Now they eat them selves.
     

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