A Good Read - 10 superb ways to impress your mum-in-law - coutesy TOI

Justanothergirl,
If you have something positive to say about the article, you can say that. But this is a public forum and people will say what they want to and what they feel. You can not expect everyone to only say things that you want to hear.
In the real world a DIL's opinion doesn't matter and is mostly ignored and her voice is unheard. Please don't try to silence it in the virtual world also.

 

Yes Monita precisely ...why don't u extend others the same courtesy ?
When Charu came up with a perspective that there are plenty of DIls who are insensitive or inconsiderate of PILs ...her comments were swept away in a tirade of sarcastic comments...
"What are good and bad corners of a room where PIL can be seated...?What were u doing at the function ?Why couldnt u help ?Where was ur MIL ?Do u live with ur MIL ..Are u a good DIL ?"

Why the sudden outburst ? Why the urge to silence a dissenting voice?I don't see posters who bash up MILs questioned that way.
Charu is entitled to her opinion ...is she not?she doesn't need to prove anything or justify her stance to u.
After all we don't question the validity of ur claims against ur MIL...we only have ur word for it...dont we take it at face value ?
U and ss can continue to live in a make believe world where most PIL are evil and most DIL are angels and are a persecuted lot...for the rest of us .....people come in all shapes and temperments..there are as many
nasty DILs as there are nasty PILs.Relationship issues are rarely because one was at fault...in my experience it has almost always been because both sides were at fault. The degree might differ.

 

Justanothergirl,

There was no outburst and there was no sarcasm. My questions were simple and genuine questions in order to discuss a point of view. I am actually surprised at Charu's reaction to my post. Basically, If you have a point and if you think strongly about something then you should be able to prove and justify your point and not go on a defensive.

I am also surprised that you don't see other posters being questioned/bashed about their point of view if they are being unreasonable about MIL/SIL. Whenever a DIL posts a problem about her ILs, she is asked a hundred questions, she has to clarify each and every point and is usually advised to ignore and bear with the ILs, because they are old and helpless. Why can't people who claim to be MIL sympathizers be questioned about their stand? Why is a simple question that 'what are you doing for an old lady, whose plight makes you cry for a week' is so offensive and so so difficult to answer.

Again,If you thing this is not basic courtesy and manners, it's alright. It is a public forum. You come here to discuss things and opinions. If you don't want to or if you can not justify your point, but project yourself to be oh so nice, a perfect dutiful Dil and better than the rest of us, I will continue to question you.

Nuff said.

 

Wow!! Now this is really getting too much..
People who otherwise write so openly about how bad are their In laws(MIL,SIL,etc) are talking about others bashing in-laws here!!

@Justanothergirl..
Please read the title and other subsequent posts.People are just voicing their suggestions and opinions.You too are free to do that but please don't accuse others of pouring in hatred and negativity.People face tough situations and they might not be so lucky to have good relatives.
The main purpose of joining such forums is to vent out,share our experiences,ask for suitable course of action from others and also to ascertain whether their responses in certain situations were appropriate.

If you go through all the posts,you'll realise Charu made personal comments by picking up specific lines and then all this started.If you don't want others to reply to your objections,just don't make pin pointed remarks targeted at other people.
What you and Charu did was make this so personal against some of us.You are very much welcome to make comments on posts here but please try to be balanced and don't start bashing us by accusing that we are bashing inlaws!!

Your MIL might be behaving very nicely on a particular day whereas I might have had a tough or bad experience with her on that particular day.So you might be supporting MIL's cause and institution that day while I might get irritated with even mention of her name!! So our responses might be different.

We all are from different cultures,families,backgrounds and we have different kinds of family members with whom our inter personal relationships are different too.

In my earlier thread too,you wrote many harsh words in a very sharp language which I tried to ignore.Seems like you are always carrying a big load to dump on others.Please dont respond if you dont feel like but please,please try to be mild in your reactions.We already have enough sufferings and causes to worry in real world.Last thing I would want is to have an unknown individual trying to give me extra worries from this virtual world!!

And please read my entire post,you are only reiterating whatever I wrote.Yes not all MILs are bad nor all DILs.But you can't make a person think your own way.Respect others' freedom of expression..

 

Dils situation in indian community is very sad that they cant express their feelings even to their husbands regarding this issue.. unlike mils who tell nasty things about us inside and outside the family since we entered the family. its a ridiculous situation that we cant tell hubby everthing about his family that he will unneccessarily get mad for stupid reasons...virtual world is the only place where we can express 100% of our thoughts. so let it be

 

So was I with ur reaction to her post

No Monita we are not required to justify or prove anything any more than u are required to
prove to us that ur MIL is evil. Writing long posts is not proving. I can write a nice long post about some non-existant evil DIL...doesnt mean a da***.

No ...not here in the IL-rel forum ...DILs might be asked to ignore the MILs when there is no choice and the DIL or her DH are obviously doing nothing concrete to solve the problem...but NO post ever doubts or questions the assumption that the MIL is evil.

No Monita..we don't have to live in a joint family to know when an old lady is being treated unfairly ..and I am entitled to that opinion even if I don't take care of every old woman I care about in town.

U are spot on...if u think u are entitled to ur questioning of Charu and the credibility of every post that seems to project that some PILs are at the short end of the stick then don't u think by the same logic I am entitled to my opinion and I can basically ask u to let posters speak their mind.

 

Justanothergirl,
To start with, I never stopped Charu from expressing her point of view, I only asked her some questions. You are the one who are telling us to stop bashing the ILs. If our expressing our opinion is bashing the ILs for you, then what do you want us to do? Suffer at the hands of the Ils and sing praises at the same time?

You (and people like Charu) have been questioning the DILs posting about their problems all along, but when you are questioned, you get all upset and defensive.

Yes, you are entitled to your opinion as we are entitled to ours. If you think according to you (and others like you) others should take care of their Ils, but not you. It might be an opinion for you, to me it's plain hypocrisy.

Anyways, this is my last response to you on this thread. You can please carry on. Ciao!

 

I agree with you monita.

I did everything possible to impress my MIL. Withstood everything, beyond my patience level.
Was literally deaf and dumb in the house and still within a span of 3 months of my marriage my MIL manage to chase me out of the house through my DH itself.
Amazing right..........

"The only way I could impress her was by not being her DIL. "
-Excellent words said.

 

If MIL is a part of family, why does she need to be fed personally by DIL on an occassion when there are loads of guests whom the hosts have to entertain & attend to.. is she physically/mentally weak to fend for herself or to entertain the guests in unison?

Servants are also human beings and they try to feed/ offer our small kids when we're really tied up with other formalities, why cant one trust the servant for elders? On such occassions I really feel a mother even forgets to feed her own child when she might be singing rhymes and cajoling the child for every spoon on a daily basis.

I dont remember who actually posted this.. and its not personally directed to anyone but in general
I've seen people feel pity for other's inlaws/ parents/ kids when the charity may be far from visible in their own homes... or may be present as per their convinience.
Each house has their own logistics and rules still an indian loves to dismiss the efforts put in by another indian mother or a DIL or a MIL.