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A Bummy World of Bed Bouncing

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Jan 9, 2012.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    A Bummy World of Bed Bouncing

    ( This may offend some, so be cautious before u read it)

    I was tickled to read a news item a few days back. I have lost it, after I cut it, and I cant find it on google too, but believe me it is true, for I read it myself.

    just found the cutting and here is the scan after i posted the blog. Here is the scan



    There is a super luxury hotel in Europe , maybe UK, they charge a bomb for their rooms, they proclaim their bed mattresses are the most comfortable in the world, and they are tested often, and they prmise great sleep, and maybe they promise dreams too eh !

    Well, it seems they have hired a lady to test the mattresses every day. They have some 2500 mattresses, and the job of this lady is to jump on these mattresses , land on her bums, and jump a couple of times in the air, and her bums can tell if the mattress is all right or not, or if some spring sinside is malfunctioning etc.

    She can check upto 24 mattresses a day, no more, for otherwise her bums may wear out, her bums can check out the smallest bumps, she tests out how comfortable the Premier Inn’s 46,000 beds are.

    She takes care of her prized asset with regular moistursiing and does not wear materials such as denims, which lessen sensivity..

    SO IMPORTANT IS HER BOTTOM ( READ BUMS IN KAMALJI’S LANGUAGE) THAT THE FIRM IS IN TALKS TO INSURE THEM FOR 4 MILLION POUNDS, ( AROUND 32 CRORES).

    My my . Are bums so important ? And how come her bums are so sensitive and money making, while mine are not ? And who said, ladies are the weaker sex ? God was smart, he gave no bones in the bums, bcs of the way we use or rather misuse them . At times we sit hard on the sofa, not seeing whether something is kept on the sofa or not. What if we had bones in the bums, and u fracture yr bum bone, and u are all plastered up, and a friend asks u how it happened, and before u tell them, he and others will be laughing out loud. We have seen fractured arm and legs, but to see a fractured bum, is surely a laughing matter.

    Thank u god for small mercies.

    J Lo has insured her legs for a billion, that is 5000 crores, and now Natalie, this lady, her bums. I am imagining she dancing with her partner, and when u dance, the man will put one hand on yr backside, as I have seen in movies, and she will immediately scream, don’t touch those expensive bums of mine, u know thy are worth a fortune. HAHA

    God u are being unfair to men, why give these moneymaking bums to ladies, and why ordinary bums to us, for I asked my insurance agent to insure mine, and he gave me a dirty look and ran away. Whats wrong with mine, may I ask.

    God u have given me talented fingers, bcs people like my blogs, but they don’t make me any money, everyone wants to read my blogs for free, instead I wish u had given me these money making bums, I would have bounced on the beds, and made some money too.

    And I would have been the envy of so many eh ! They would have called me, The man with the Golden Bums . HAHA

    KAMAL MAHTANI

    The man who laughs is called HUS MUKH
    What do u call a man who does not laugh ?
    HUS BAND ( band in Hindi means closed )



    Running away from a problems distances u from the solution.
    So please don’t run away from your Wife !!!



    Sign outside a Bar
    HUSBAND DAY CARE CENTRE
    Need time to relax ?
    Need time for yourself ?
    Want to go shopping ?
    Then
    Leave your husband with us,
    AND JUST PAY FOR HIS DRINKS !!!!!!!



    History teacher is absent, so Science tgeacher is asked to take the class
    She sets the question paper for the class as follows
    Describe Jhansi ki Rani, and neatly label her parts !!!!!!



    Look at the plight of poor husbands
    Wives don’t let them live in peace,
    And by keeping the fast on Karva Chauth, they don’t let them die in peace !!!!!!!
     
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  2. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    John Abrahim has also insured his bums for a crores so now a days this has become a fashion among some people to make money and fame.
    I feel it is just stupidity to become famous or to get they names in the papers.
     
  3. Aspire

    Aspire Gold IL'ite

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  4. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Kamalji,

    it indeed is a bum world! But then each to his own! Anyways your blog reminded me of an episode on Seinfeld when George Costanza gets an offer as a "hand model" Oh kamalji you should see that episode if you have not already. I could only google up a little scene from the episode George Costanza's a hand model - YouTube - may be this is the answer to why men are not asked to model like this :)
     
  5. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    yes kamalji I too read this link in TOI and found it hilarious. but what i find more hilarious is your lamenting..

    God u are being unfair to men, why give these moneymaking bums to ladies, and why ordinary bums to us, for I asked my insurance agent to insure mine, and he gave me a dirty look and ran away. Whats wrong with mine, may I ask.

    God is indeed very unfair:rotfl
     
  6. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji,
    This post of yours or rather the news, reminded me of a fairy tale where a princess couldn't sleep on a mattress, because of a single hair or peas, found at the bottom layer of her mattress.
    Insure it Kamalji..so that you can be named as Kamalji with Midas touch :idea:

    Sriniketan
     
  7. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji,

    what a bummer! I agree with you and your grief. I mean it's not just the men. Most women do not have such luck either. And imagine getting paid just to jump up and down on a foam mattress and have such highly insured rears too. Wow. What a life. :-D
     
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  8. prana

    prana IL Hall of Fame

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    What a thinking Kamal sir!!
    But this is the first time am hearing about insuring the b...God, What else we have to expect in future!!
     
  9. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Ji saab,
    I do tell lies, but that I rushed here after reading the words
    Bummy & bed - coming from you!!
    is not a lie!:rotfl
    All ladies know the much talked about weakness of men for bums!!
    The one & only "like" you have received from a Revered Man like Babaji, amply bears testimony to that statement!!
    But, why this Kolaveri di for bums???:hide:

    As usual, I share a joke with you - it is possible to write these only in your thread lest I be scandalised!!:rant


    A college class was told that they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were:
    The story had to contain the following three things:
    1 - religion
    2 - sexuality
    3 - mystery
    Below is the only A+ short story in the entire class:
    " Good God, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it ."
     
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  10. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    They would have called me, The man with the Golden Bums . :rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl
    Kamalji.. you sound like James bond movie!!!...
    I too read the article in TOI some days back..but remember John Abraham had insured his rears quite some time back.. infact I think it was one of your posts which gave the info...
    your jokes were good...
    Kerman
     

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