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6yr Old Using Less Words And Has Social Issues...any Suggestions?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by AnooSA, Apr 5, 2017.

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  1. Apr 5, 2017 #1
    AnooSA

    AnooSA Senior IL'ite

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    Hi ILites,
    My 6yr old son is in 1st grade and since childhood uses less words while talking and doesn't initiate conversation /plays with other kids...he can play alone and even when others kids are around, he plays separately with something else than the rest...
    His school psychologist says he thinks he is normal just that he needs time to open up, he maintains eye contact while talking and and does engage in conversation....
    His pediatrician says the same...
    His teacher tells me that he is not playing with others because he doesn't like their games and he wants others to play his games , but he wont talk to them n explain..

    Positives:
    He is very good at math , writing and reading which many have acknowledged ...
    He can talk stories to adults...good critical thinking etc..

    I'm living in apartment mainly to try to make more friends so he can have play dates with other kids of his age...
    I even tried a game of giving him a quarter everytime he greets people and talks to other kids of his age and comes back and tells me what happened in the school...It helps a little..
    He also talks slowly, which i think is because he is thinking while talking ...working with him on this too...
    Feels sometimes that he is more matured and so uses less words...only the important ones to convey and not social type boy...and maybe he hasn't found the one friend who matches his wavelength etc... but sometimes feel like i'm just thinking this way to pacify myself..
    Except for this game and telling him everytime to use more words and how/what i would've responded for the same Q, i am not sure what else i can do to make him use more words/initiate conversation/improve his social skills... Any suggestions plz?

    Few sample conversations:
    Another 1st grader : My Son:
    Whats your Name: Aadhith
    Do you have a brother: No
    Do you have a sister: Yes
    What is her name:says just name.
    What playground you like to play : the one near the gate

    continues just answering Qs and never asks any Q to them...
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Me and my son:
    Did you kick his (my neighbor son) toy car?: No
    He says you did... :Yes
    Is it a yes or no? :Actually i was swinging my leg and it was in front...
    Can you explain properly?: Same answer
    Oh did you hit it accidently while playing? :Yes
    Can you say sorry? Sorry
    Don't do it again...: Ok
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     
    AnooSA, Apr 5, 2017
    AnooSA, Apr 5, 2017
    #1
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  2. Apr 5, 2017 #2
    fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

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    your son seems fine to me. He is good at studies and converses too. Its just that he does not like to talk much. I think it has more to do with his personality. He might grow up to become a person with few words. Nothing wrong with it. Keep encouraging him to speak with other kids. Also make sure he does not develop stage fear so encourage him to participate in the activities which involve public speaking. Other than that I feel he will be a bright kid.
     
    fourthaugust, Apr 5, 2017
    fourthaugust, Apr 5, 2017
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  3. Apr 5, 2017 #3
    ag123

    ag123 New IL'ite

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    Hi, to worry as a parent is natural and sometimes parents tend to analyse a kids' actions from their own point of view, of how they would/did behave or how other kids interact, which is again quite natural. I offer my opinion on the basis of my work with children as a therapist. I don't think there is anything wrong with your son, in fact the positives you have listed are indicators of good cognitive abilities in a boy his age. I have found play therapy to work best to notice changes in the children's behaviour. You could engage in kind of games he might enjoy, where he has to use his imagination and verbalise his thoughts- e.g. story cubes, role play, play doh to create things. I would say maybe it would be best to not expect him to behave a certain way that validates your opinion because he may then start doing things only to please you, while not exactly being himself. Hope this is of help.
     
    ag123, Apr 5, 2017
    ag123, Apr 5, 2017
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  4. Apr 5, 2017 #4
    Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    Op,
    Few tips that may help:
    1) start him on vocal music lessons- carnatic or choir or voice lessons for music
    2) get books with tongue twister, play among the family, in car, in kitchen ..everywhere
    3) give him some sports skills like..soccer or basketball
    4) encourage to make one best friend- invest in that mom too- as your friend

    I have to add that your lil boy is perfectly fine lil man..using few words to convey his point :) not too verbose. He has a lil sister too, and play dates, social interaction opportunities, so will grow up fine.
     
    Vaikuntha, Apr 5, 2017
    Vaikuntha, Apr 5, 2017
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  5. Apr 5, 2017 #5
    DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Dear AnooSA, your son appears to me as a normal bright kid. Nothing to worry much as teacher and pediatrician confirmed it. He may be an introvert or reserved person. Still encourage him to participate in social activities like others do. I feel that it may change with age, not much, or when he find a friend with whom is so comfortable with. That time he will open up more.Positive side is that your son dont need anyone's else company to be happy with. Most kids get bored if they dont have anyone to play with. Your son will be happy in his own world, that is a blessing in my view. He will have a few good friends compared to many friends for a socially active person. Please dont push him too much as it may affect his confidence. He is doing good in studies, talking well when needed. That is important

    My son is also socially shy quite similar to what you have written. He talks less on topics he is not interested. If he find something interesting he talks more. It is very difficult to make him answer usual questions like how was your day at school ? So we used to ask his teacher like.. is he talking at school etc. They all said he is doing well , bright, good in maths etc. We demand answer to questions we ask him even if it is a word. Now he improved a lot. On the other hand my daughter is a chatter box. It all depends on their inborn personalities, I think.

    I am also an introvert to some extent so I can pretty much relate to this. I don't have any problem facing an audience or perform on stage. I have participated in public speaking/debating completions etc. But I find it difficult to initiate personal level conversations on normal topics like others do for two reasons- no interest, not comfortable. My parents used to complain about it as my siblings are extroverts. But they later accepted it. They used to ask me how I survive in this world? even when I was performing well in school. I can focus and concentrate more, than normal people. If I read something, I dont even hear what happens outside. My son do the same. It make me smile to myself.

    If I find a topic that is interesting to me or find a person with whom I am comfortable,I can talk well (become a chatterbox). Over years I changed a lot. But this has not affected my life or career in any way because I can talk well when it is needed. I am also least worried about what other people think about me. I am happy in my own world . Sensitive only to very close people.
    I shared my experience here to make you aware that there are people like this.. See here I am...Hope this helps.
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2017
    DDream, Apr 5, 2017
    DDream, Apr 5, 2017
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  6. Apr 6, 2017 #6
    AnooSA

    AnooSA Senior IL'ite

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    ILites,
    A BIG THANK YOU to all of you for taking the time to respond and making me feel better...
    Like all of you said, i too feel hez totally normal kid and maybe will grow up to be Man of few words or maybe will change completely as time goes...
    Would just like to help him all i can so he can improve his social and communication skills....
    I'll work on all your suggestions....
    BTW, forgot to mention...my chatterbox daughter (4yrs) is making him talk more....keeps asking him so many Qs and things :)
    Thank you again!
     
    AnooSA, Apr 6, 2017
    AnooSA, Apr 6, 2017
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  7. Apr 6, 2017 #7
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Think of that game as something that showed you that he can talk if needed or if he wants to. But, in the longer run, better to not tie a monetary award to him talking and greeting people. Or, even any other reward. Been there, done that. The amount was $20. I was quite desperate. : )

    In addition to the many activities suggested above, one thing you can do is talk with him about whatever he likes. If he likes to read some books, read them with him or separately, and then talk about the book. The story, how the ending could have been different, why the characters did something. What would happen if characters from two different books met. What could be a sequel to the book.

    If he likes something else, like Pokemon, get to know enough about it. Read it up. Talk about that with him. The idea is to have him talk about things he has an interest in. Then, when he feels the need to talk more with others, he will do it.

    Some group activities like martial arts or Cub Scouts might be worth trying. Or recreational basketball. It will help him interact with more kids, and finally it only takes one friendship to change a less-talker into a more-talker. Not that there is anything wrong with continuing to be a less-talker!

    Keep in touch with teachers and your pediatrician, but finally, go by your gut instincts too. Good Luck. Going by your description, it seems to be just a phase, and he simply needs more time. My son was somewhat like that till about 10 yrs age. Now, a bit older, he once addressed a group of 15 people without practicing much before.
     
    Rihana, Apr 6, 2017
    Rihana, Apr 6, 2017
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  8. Apr 6, 2017 #8
    AnooSA

    AnooSA Senior IL'ite

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    Hi ag123,
    Totally agree... as parent, many of us want them to fit into the stereotypical ways...I and my husband realized this and let him be as he wants, but, sometimes, we get caught /get pushed so much, the realization goes off...Thank you for resetting me......I've tried playdoh and legos...nothing much there...tried role play couple of times and my son says itz so boring and itz only girls thing ;)....But will try story cubes & role play with topics that interests him...
     
    AnooSA, Apr 6, 2017
    AnooSA, Apr 6, 2017
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  9. Apr 6, 2017 #9
    AnooSA

    AnooSA Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you for your tips...I'm talking to a music teacher to have him enrolled in vocal....
    He is pretty good with tongue twisters and loves them....we play a lot with each other...lots of family time, he enjoys them all, but mostly my chatterbox daughter talks on behalf of him :) , hez into karate , swimming ,seasonal soccer and his favorite chess... However, i dont see any scope for interaction in these games except for chess... during chess he does talk with his opponent a little...so instead of 1day/week , i'm now sending in 2day/week...:)
     
    AnooSA, Apr 6, 2017
    AnooSA, Apr 6, 2017
    #9
  10. Apr 6, 2017 #10
    AnooSA

    AnooSA Senior IL'ite

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    Hi DDream,
    Thank you so much for sharing your experience ...I can relate a lot to it..

    I thought the exact same thing you said below:

    "Positive side is that your son dont need anyone's else company to be happy with. Most kids get bored if they dont have anyone to play with. Your son will be happy in his own world, that is a blessing in my view. He will have a few good friends compared to many friends for a socially active person."

    I for one will get too bored if i don't have friends... literally getting depressed and all...considering that, i view this as a real blessing...
    I thought the same like your parents ...How is he gonna survive in this competitive world... but your afternote made my worries go away....
    Thank you!
     
    AnooSA, Apr 6, 2017
    AnooSA, Apr 6, 2017
    #10
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