100 Days of Positivity

New beginnings are scary when aspiration and belief has been invested in it. I never much understood Einstein's scientific laws but his human law: 'insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result always' is closer to turf. Some day I have to break out of the unrealized wishful and venture into the hopeful unseen. Why not today? Plan out, re-examine, be hopeful, re-plan, try everything and meet something. There is excitement that it will be another tryout, another challenge, another cross-roads but why not try everything.

"I messed up tonight
I lost another fight
I still mess up but I'll just start again
I always get up now to see what's next
I won't give up, no I won't give in
Till I reach the end
And then I'll start again
Though I'm on the lead
I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail"

...and then I will start again. I will start ever again till I am convinced that I could no longer restart myself.

 

I wore nice outfit, very red and golden, felt nice to wear nice cloths

 

Day 37: After a long time had afternoon nap. Felt so relaxing

 

Day 13: The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is very very special and an emotional one. On one side my parents are busy searching for nursery for my daughter as she will be living with them for the next few months due to my academic pursuits...They have completely forgotten their arthritis, asthma etc etc and have been surveying schools with a child like enthusiasm..They love my J..so much that they call her 'amma'
On the other hand, MIL's bond with my daughter is also sweet enough. The way she walks around the house to feed her, the way she takes her to the park, the way she cooks for her, the way they both hug, the way they both hold their hands and walk while we go out, the way she teaches her devotional songs are all treasured moments engraved in my heart.
I understood no matter what, a child should never be deprived of grandparents love. I still dont understand my equation with MIL but this reason is strong enough to let things go sometimes!

All these moments made me recollect my days with my achama and paati whom I love to the core..I consider them as the 5th dimensional beings of the interstellar movie who are always around me, who manifests their presence whenever I think of them in the most unconventional ways . It might be a sudden cold breeze brushing my face, a flower falling on my lap when I sit in a park, a child smiling at me for no reason etc..

 

I was away at a Beaver camp along with 30 6-8-year-olds (including my ys) and 7 leaders. We were drenched with heavy rain continuously. But, none of the Beaver complained about the weather and they all had a smashing time with several activities. Seeing them we couldn't complain about anything. Hectic weekend but heart filling one.

 

May 19/19:
1. My #TwitterBot didn't suck!
2. A simple hello text from a favorite person ends the week-long misunderstanding and angsty feelings. Day ended with us having a rofl about it. That we could ease into being ourselves with each other, even after rough fights any day, without awkwardness is really beautiful to note. I'm glad, also thankful for having friends like them in life.

May 20/19:
1. It's my mil's birthday. Made a phone call to wish. We had a good few minutes talking about everything forgetting our differences. Ma kush; Me kush! #Warmth.
2. Feeling a lot confident about my health status today.

The week has started on many sweet notes.

 

When I moved downtown, I was forewarned that the locality was expensive, crowded, touristy and too urbanized. 'You should have afforded a country house in the outskirsts of the city for that price.'

I was adamant of languishing in the city center with a walking-distance library amidst the soot and photo-pollution. So, I moved to a crammed-up pod. I love the Chinese shutters disembarking from the tourist bus and inquiring landmarks and attractions on my jog. I love the flutter of selfies in my backyard.

Above all, I enjoy my wanderings in the library and street food and restaurants and impeccable travel connectivity. Takes me 5 minutes to potter around the fables landmarks of the legendary city.

I don't have a yard, no swimming pool, not one decorative ceramic hanging on my walls or chihuly chandelier.

I find this personalized and stylized dwelling befitting me.

I don't even have cultured friends who could appreciate better dwellings as the scoundrel bohemians as my friends are full of delightful cheer in life to brood on their own eccentricities.

Every day I hunt in the library for impressive findings, I feel the onrush of having listened to my instincts that: Nova, personalize your life to your living. I could not have traded this snug library-distanced pod (from where I am typing) to some haunted country house.

 

Day 14: Ordered 3 books on 3 different genres from Amazon...am damn excited that it will be delivered today

 

I have sent a first draft of a paper to my supervisor and got the feed back immediately. I have some more things to work on. However, positivity is, so far my first draft comments will be covered in red pen marks but now it is getting lesser and lesser. I am learning and I am improving. Thank you God

 

Day 45 : My mantra these days is practice patience. I have gone so crazy in practicing it that even my dp on whatsapp is this..i have just taken one step forward and hopefully reach my goal sooner.