Women Empowerment – Practice What You Preach

@Sandyr46,

It is painful to hear the husband instead of supporting his wife who is undergoing ordeal of saving the life of the child preferred to blame her for the child's struggle. Who has control over child birth and the child's health after the birth? That is common sense. It is my understanding that the mother being active, in fact, helps the child to be healthy.

Sister-in-law has no role to play between the husband and wife and that basic knowledge is lacking and it is the husband who needs to be blamed for the family's suffering. Regarding, the sister-in-law losing her child, it is best not to blame her actions for her suffering. We never know how hard it would have been for her to experience the death of her child. Your friend experienced near death with her own child.

Normalizing the relationship between the spouses, child's well-being, happy family, etc. should be the focus going forward.

 

I think there is something more in this story. May be some other issues before or after delivery lead to this misunderstanding.

Her husband should be blamed . Not the SIL. I hope her husband is an educated one. Initial confusions can be blamed on SIL but not the current situation.

If her SIL's contribution is 10%, but her dh's 90%. In Ramayana, you might have heard about Manthara (SIL here) and her manipulation of Queen Kaikeyi (DH). But who should eb blamed for everything? Only Kaikeyi (DH here) and her selfish motives. Same here.

Why don't she ask him to accompany to their kid's doctor one day and discuss the issue in front of him. May be that doctor can help to get rid is his wrong beliefs.

Or your friend initiate a talk with dh and ask him what about living separate instead of a loveless married life. May be that will bring some sense to him. Or ask him to come for counselling.

Are they living with the joint family or separate. The current issue is between your friend and husband. No one else can be blamed now. Instead of being silent and suffering, your friend should try her level best to be normal and take steps to solve this problem. May be improving intimacy may help. If their life is back to normal or improve, they even can think about another child ( its their decision not SIL's, even if she dont want them to have another child!!!! #22)

Past is done. Revisiting it or holding negativity etc wont help anyone. Also I dont understand why a boy is better than a girl when we talk about women empowerment here. Both are equal and beautiful. That attitude should be changed.

No one should loose their child,even if its enemy's. Very sad situation to be in. That Kid hasn't done any bad Karma here.

 

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Dear OP,

I am not saying that the SIL is right.
But don't we all have that one woman in our lives who has to comment about how our kids look - fat/thin/dark/short hair/overly fashionable etc
Knowing how the SIL is , why is your friend visiting her for longer duration? Why cant she limit it to one lunch or dinner meet and get done with it? By now, your friend should have known her SIL mentality and learnt to ignore her. 10 years is a long time.
Why cant your friend confront her SIL and her husband and clear all misunderstanding between her and her H?
Why is there no calling out the SIL for the crap she does?

How do you know the conversations that are happening between the SIL and her husband ?

And sending the girl with her uncle - thats a decision that family has to take - the girl's parents and her uncle and aunt. If they feel its okay - then maybe its okay !! We cant judge a family's choice for their child.

While I understand your friend has been a victim of SIL drama, I also understand this is 10 years back story.
She should have by now confronted the SIL or at least completely avoid the SIL.
She should realise that providing self less love for the child and living in loveless marriage do not have to co-exist. If the husband wants to live with the child and wife, he needs to change. Your friend should be able to make that happen.

Dont you think so ?
Going by what you write here, I feel you are a lot involved in your friend's life so you can suggest her to ignore her SIL and concentrate on improving her relationship with her husband.
Does your friend have siblings? what about her parents?

 

@Sandyr46 your friend must take bold steps to question her DH in the presence of her family members.There is a line of control for all and when they cross the line they have to answer for their actions and face the consequences.As our members said her dh is responsible to safeguard her. My personal feeling is you should have avoided the loss of your friend's bil's dd.Loss of life at any age is unbearable.Being calm for a long time is not a solution to end the problem.