Fed Up With Mother In Law

@rosylife,

For how long are you married? It is time you established your boundaries. Luckily you don't physically stay with her. When you interact with her the next time be firm about your likes and dislikes and if she tries to force you for anything, firmly state what you want. You don't have to be rude or disrespectful but be firm. She may throw tantrums at first but she will soon understand her limits and back off. She should not be allowed to interfere so much in your lives.

If your husband can, it is better he speaks. But the way she has overstepped her limits (acc. to your post), it looks like your husband doesn't oppose her. So, you must fight your battles. Give a mild 'dosage' that should do the trick.

I think it would be better you convey your feelings over the phone before meeting her in person. As and when she visits, let her be treated as a guest and not as an owner.

 

Let your husband know that your freedom and dignity is more important than his inheritance . Don't keep monetary expectation from others.
Let your MIL know that many things changed , you don't have to do whatever compromises she did , times have changed, and u too have a difficult life in other ways Next time politely deal with issues at the time of occurence .don't wait to get worse .nip it in the bud . Explain her nicely that your parents are important to u just like she is important to her son .convey her thatt she must change her attitude about women , and men and women are equal so u will alao be giving imp to your parents .

 

Yes my mil also said the same thing that she would take me to the gynaecologist and that too just one year after our marriage. She said I was irresponsible for not planning to have a child.
You also mentioned that she keeps gossiping about you. Let her do it. Don't bother at all.
As other posters also said be firm and polite initially. The idea is to make her to stay away from your personal boundary and not hurting her. If you make her to stay away from ur personal boundary you will have a great time a little peaceful life than what you get by hurting her. So choose your battles wisely. Convey your point firmly and just walk away from there or give the phone to your husband if you are away and move out.[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

 

Be yourself and sets the boundary.

You are married to dh not her. Know the difference. Dont allow her to enter into you personal life with dh. Just listen, but dont yield on things you cannot agree. You can act deaf, ignore or be firm, say NO if needed- whatever works for you, but be respectful. Let her know very well what you like and dont like. If you want to go home, go and spend time there. Let her make tantrums but just dont give up. Once she knows that you wont listen for unnecessary intervention, she will stop . Till then believe in yourself, follow your mind. But give respect and always remember she is your DHS mother, not your mother. If you cannot agree with something, you can definitely tell her but in polite way.

If you yield to every thing they all take you for granted. Once you revolt in future, it create more issues. So decide your boundary now itself and don't allow anyone to intrude. No need to change who you are for some one else, if you do that you can never be happy.

 

You should have told her that you don't think so. Festival is to celebrate and bring happiness. It is the custom in your place that everyone goes to their own houses too to celebrate festivals. Marriage doesn't mean that getting rid of ones own parents. How she may feel if her son don't come to her come. Even after marriage one should take care of their own parents. Its 21st century. You can tell her that you like to celebrate in both houses and that make you happy. That is what you wish to do and plan to do. No one can get rid of your parents from your life. IF MIL get rid of her parents , its her choice, but your choice is different. You are a wife, DIl bu daughter too. You need to consider your own parents happiness. Do you have any SIL?
Be diplomatic and smart. But convey the message. Don't be scared of that.