Feeling Helpless

Don’t worry...u r in the middle what u can do... u talk to ur parents seperatly and make them understand...

U r the only child so they love u more so they will understand it easily... and ask them how to fix the issue..proceed it accordingly...

 

When did I ask u to disobey your husband or MIL because u are financially independent ??? I just said that as you are financially independent , as your parents educated you , it is your right and duty to take care of your parents .
You are misunderstanding my advice .I never want any medal of nice "obedient " DIL who mistreats her parents to earn the name of good, obedient DIL. I prefer to use my conscience to make decisions than to blindly "obey" wrong things . As a only child, I hope you too understand your responsibilities to treat your parents respectfully and equally .

 

OP, if them visiting you is causing more issues and the issues outweigh the benefits, I suggest you tell them directly not come until you are ready for delivery. I have seen these misunderstanding between parents and inlaws and its perhaps best for both parties concerned to stay away until delivery. That is a band-aid to the exiting problem. Once every 2 months, take 2 days leave and go see your parents.

There is no permanent solution unfortunately. You can tell your MIL and DH to behave when your parents are here but are you ready for the fight? considering you have your plate full right now?

 

You are getting affected by your parents visit. You dont want any issue between your parents and MIL. Did it happen all the time? (if not why you are worried) Dont worry about your PIL. Its your responsibility to take care of your parents. Even if dh or MIL shows lack of interest, completely ignore and treat your parents with love and respect. Show with your behavior that you value your parents more than anything. Our actions speak volumes than words. Its a strong message to PILs as well. your dh and MIL is important, its doent mean you have to hurt your parents for that. Show them how to treat your parents. Tell your dh also that he need treat your parents with respect if not dont expect it back.

"i will become very anxious if any mishappen occur between mother n mil. so I ll start shout at my parents for silly reasons..."

BIG NO dear OP. If your kid talk that way, will you be happy. Ask your self. You need to control this behavior. You do it in private or infront of MIL?. Never do this again. They are there to see you because they love you more than anything. you are their daughter . So feel free to communicate to them instead of shouting or blaming them. It is not easy to change their nature at this age.

So what you can do is tell them that your are getting worried because of the past issues between them and MIL. Also it is making you anxious and worried. So if you know the cause just warn them in advance to maintain a calm and composed way and to talk less to your MIL. You can also tell your dh about your concern.

"wanted them to settle in Chennai, but they r not willing for that " If they are happy and peaceful in their native place that is the best. They have done their duties . Now let them enjoy what they want. If they are healthy dont worry about it much. Its their life, let them decide what make them happy. In your case as your parents and PILS dont have a good relation, this current set up may be the best for the time being. If they come to Chennai, it is possible that another set of problems may arise between you, dh and MIL.

If you are still worried that your peace in your husbands home is more important then request your parents to reduce their visit and let them know the reason and seek their advise. They will understand and may suggest you what to do.

Accept that you have this problem of shouting, try to work on it. Only you can do it. Talk only when you can do it in a composed way. I think your pregnancy hormones may also be a culprit here. Relax, take it easy and face the situations as it comes to you than worring about it in advance.

 

I would say u shouted at your mom it’s ok that does not mean u have disrespected or disrespect ur mom.. it’s jjst the situation u were and your pregnancy ..there are many gals who have done it during pregnancy not just u ..
I had called my friend once long back her mom had come during her pregnancy and birth of the baby she told me your friend yells at me I calmly told her it’s the hormones n we have done it too.. she was fine then..

Talk to your mom and apologize .dont think on it a lot she your mom she will forgive u.. regarding mil u have to take a stand and stop as this will get more n more arrogant with time..fear in ur mind needs to go ..I know how it feels when there is fear .face it and get over it..talk to ur mil calmly if she attacks u or ur mom..