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Advice Needed ...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by FE40, Jul 16, 2018.

  1. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    Recently got in touch with my college flame, with whom, i stopped contact, after he expressed his love to me.... I very much knew my conservative parents would disagree, so i kept off from him, later got married as per parent's choice... and it was a disaster, that's my story....

    Now, am here to get opinion on my college flame's life.... After my marriage, he moved out of the country, and eventually got married to one of his colleague, and totally cutoff contact with all our college friends.

    Recently, he got in touch with me (after a gap of two decades), to know how i was doing in life .... I too asked him the same .... He said he has two kids and he is seen happy for the outer world.... When i asked him for details, came to know his wife has been having issue of OCD (a kind of depressive disorder) and she has isolated herself from him totally ..... after kids' birth.

    Though she is excelling in her career, she did not make any attempts to build the bond between them, and they have been living like housemates (not even room mates) .... since last 10 years.... She has been consistently rejecting his persuasion to take up medical support to reduced the effect of the disorder, and to live a normal married life.

    He said he believed that marriage is for life-long, and did not want to take divorce earlier, though he is never happy in his life.... He wants to move away from his home and live alone at his career place, but his wife would not permit ... saying he has to take care of kids, etc....

    So, he is frustrated now, and want the legal cord to be broken, but he wants his kids to stay with him, as he is 80% contributing parent, for taking care of their everyday needs.

    He says, since the kids are growing up, he wants to take legal divorce and remarry... He does not want to stay stuck up with her, as she does not love him anymore, and he does not too ...

    He wants custody of his kids, but its a normal practice for courts to give custody of kids to the mother. Is it possible for him to get custody of his kids, if he fights legally?

    Sometimes, am wondering, the world is too cruel .... if the husband is good, wife turns out to be irresponsible, if wife is good, husband turns out to be hopless ....

    What can i suggest for this humble soul??
     
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  2. ILUser07

    ILUser07 Silver IL'ite

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    You are true.. The fate is very cruel. I often see good men struggling with evil wifes and vice versa. But in this case, I can't tell anything knowing one side of the story. We don't know why she is not attempting to rebound the relation. But he can definitely go for divorce and file for custody. He may not get 100% custody but surely get joint custody unless his wife has some serious allegations on him with proofs.
     
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  3. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    Yeah, its a normal tendency for anyone to support women. But in this case, i really feel sorry for him, he has been living this life for really so long, and since he respected marriage, he never tried anything like affair, etc.

    Whenever he tried to give the relationship a chance, she has responded that since she is a sick person, he has to take care of her., instead of expecting anything from her.

    Recently, he was admitted on emergency for some health issue, even for that she never visited the hospital, she cited that she cannot visit and wait at hospital emergency for so many hours !!!!, he has to take care of himself, etc. etc.

    From what i understand, it appears that a person is so much depressed when they have OCD? Is it a sickness or disability?
     
  4. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

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    While I appreciate your concern, I would like to advise you to maintain little distance from him and his issues. You don't know the other side of the story. I understand he was your friend etc but a little more caution will not hurt. I hope you wont mind . This is something which I would say to my younger sister s well.
     
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  5. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    What you can suggest to your friend is the name of a good lawyer. Every story has two sides and you are only hearing his.
     
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  7. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    You may have good intentions,but it is not a good idea to interfere in their life. If they want a good married life they have to work on it. They don't need a third person like- husbands ex- to help them. They can consult a lawyer or counselor' based on their interest. I don't think a good husband will share his marriage issue with his EX. You only know his version, his wife's version may be different. Also your contact now with your ex or intention to help wont be taken lightly by neither his wife nor your husband.

    Do you like if your husband contact his eX like this, share your life details, blame you for everything and his ex suggest something to help your married life. Will you encourage him if he do that way. It is better to stay away from him & his life for his and your married life. EX is EX for whatever reasons, better dont bring past to your present life.
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2018
  8. ranju5

    ranju5 Silver IL'ite

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    tread carefully my dear as things are not always as what they appear
    May God bless you all
     
  9. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    Thankyou all ....

    I would like to say that, am not his Ex at all .... I was his friend, and when he expressed, friendship between us ended too .... I couldn't become his Ex :grin::grin: because we never got into a relationship at all....

    And am not a person who will interfere into any other's life .... already had one bad relationship, so am cautious on human relationship also....

    Yeah, his wife's version may be different, i suggested him to take her to a counsellor .... lets see whether that happens...
     

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