Inconsistent Behaviour

Hi all,
Past few months had been hell for me to say the least. Finding myself pregnant to losing my baby in mid pregnancy, my thesis, my studies and then exams.... It took me a long time to come out of depression.
Most of you all know how cruel my in-laws behaved when I lost my unborn baby.
I had cut my ties with them totally.
Inlaws suddenly behaving as if nothing happened. They got gifts fr me (inexpensive ones like junk earrings, a cheap perfume spray of local brand) and sent it via dh when he came to meet me while they bought all expensive branded shoes, branded clothes for my dh and their daughter (blurted out by my dh as he was wearing one of those shirts n branded nee shoes gifted by his parents).
So dh gave me those so called gifts by his parents said to me to forget the past whatever happened.
I was shocked to say the least.
Really?? Forget about the cheap gifts but even if they had given me some diamond necklace n told me to forget about what all sins they have committed towards me since day1 of marriage, i would throw the diamod necklace bt not forgive nor forget whatever pain they caused to me.

Anyhow, i told my dh that i cant forgive them. They should openly apologise to me only then iay consider to forgive n let go of the past. He kept quiet. We didnt discuss about this again.

Post my exams, I had to join back my husband but since his parents were with him, i refused to go there and instead came back to my parents.

I had told him clearly that he has to take a nee house fr us and i cant stay with his parents after all that they have done.
He says ok but doesnt take any steps towards it.
I wanted to join a job in the city where my parents are. I told him to take a job here and shift with me me as for him here opportunities will be better.
He says ok but never takes it seriously.
In between I am currently not well and need to undergo surgery which needs bedrest for a long time so I cannot join job as of now.

I told my husband to come to my parents place n stay with me few days for the surgery. He said initially ok but never confirmed me when he will come. Because of this I couldnt plan my surgery.

Now he changed his words and saying he wont come here nor he can finance my surgery if i chose to stay with my parents. He is saying to come back n stay with him where his parents are and then only he will tkcr of my surgery.

I'm pissed off at him. 1stly, he knows why i do not want to be under same roof with his parents after their cruelty towards me. 2ndly, I need to be in bedrest post surgery fr few months... Who will take care of me there when he goes to job? With such inlaws i cant be at peace.

How to deal with this? Should i go back to him and get my surgery done? But this would give them more power and i know once i go there i will be trapped...he will never shift out.

If i continue to stay with my parents, i will have to be totally dependent on them now post surgery (my parents are always my backbone...always support and stand by my side) but how to convince husband that I'm his responsibility and he should be here to take care of me atleast when i need him the most for my surgery be it financially or emotionally. He is still so immature and inconsistent with his behaviour. I can't trust him as he doesn't stand by his words always.

 

Thats what i asked him. He says his parents will look after me.

No they wont refuse. He says his parents will look after... By that he means mil will cook n gv me food n help with getting me to washroom. He says he will take care of me after coming back from job.

I know their plan. They are trying to be nice so that i do not have any reason to tell him to shift out. I don't know what to do. One thing I'm sure is that mil may cook n gv food on time....bt i cannot be happy there n heal myself. In my parents house, i wud feel happy and taken well care of without me even needing to ask.

 

I have "cut ties" in the sense I have not ever called them nor talked to them since more than 8months now! And i dont want to be with them either. That's why this post!

They never induge in heavy shopping. It's a rare event!

Ok i do agree i do react strongly to events which cause hurt or harm to me. I am trying to let go. I am not someone to hold grudges but they have been so bad to me that i do not have any emotion towards them than hatred. I'm trying to let go of that hatred but forgetting whatever they did and be normal with them is something I cannot do unless they feel guilty and change.

My problem is I need bedrest for a few months as its a major surgery.... I would not get that in their home. Not that they will make me work but they do not treat me as a family member nor care about my comfort or what i i need. And i do not mean my husband should stay with me in my parents home fr months till im back on my feet! I just mean I expect him to understand my situation and stay for my surgery n atleast till imI discharged and back to home. He can leave post that.

The answer is above ....i do not expect him to be with me fr weeks or months.

Yes its not simple...which is why this post. If my parents spend money, I would def return back once I'm fit and get a job. But I feel bad for the fact thatbwing old they have to run around me in hospital despite having married and having a husband who could tkcr of me but is putting his conditions!.

Yes, I had accepted their gifts...i didnt tell dh that i hate them n they r cheap etc. i am telling it here! I have told dh to thank them on my behalf. I seriously do not expect any gifts from them esp when I know they do not have good feelings fr me. Gifts if given from heart even a simple rose would mean a lot to me.

Well, you are too blunt. Try to be a lil softer in replies
Me immature? Well maybe...if the other person hurts me and doesnt care ofmy emotions, then I do not and will not care about them. If this is being immature then yes i am!

 

Dh is immature, inconsistent but is trying to change for me. By that, I mean that when I was in severe depression postlosing baby, he would comfort me and motivate me to study fr my exams over phone calls.
There was a time when I was suffocated with my own thoughts and pressure of exams, pain of losing baby, my health issues, living alone amidst 4 empty walls away from family etc....i felt suicidal. I was fighting my own thoughts. Amidst in all this, me and dh dh a huge fight over phone n i ended the call telling him that i m fed up of this life everyone and everything is giving me only pain nobody understand My feelings.

After keeping the call, i was crying profusely and even thinking of ways to end my life ( all these happened just few weeks after I lost my baby...i was just not able to handle my emotions)

He kept calling me but i didnt take his calls.
He thenkept on sending me msgs saying how much he loves me n can't live without me. He called up my colleagues living next to my room n told them to check on me.

I'm thankful to my few colleagues n frnds and most of all my parents n husband who pulled me out of the depression.

Whenever i was depressed, he would encourage me to think good and concentrate on my studies.

My problem is that he is inconsistent. He makes promises but never fulfils. He hides things frm me even now esp about finances and other things like he buys new mobile frhimself n buys furnitures at home ... Sends gifts to a road to his sister etc but never tells me nor discuss with me.
He lies to me about petty things even now. Like he himself promised me that he will look for new home and we will shift out. Now he is changing words and saying he wants to change job so he cant be sure of taking new house etc.
He promisedme he will be myside weneveri need him n yet now he is keeping these conditions knowing well that i need rest post surgery n i wud getthat only with my parents beside me.