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Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jun 22, 2016.

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  1. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    A neighbor 'techie' has completed 3 years of unsuccessful bride hunting.

    Getting into the intersection zone in the venn diagram circles of horoscope match, caste match, status match, looks match is not that easy, isn't it?
     
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  2. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Once upon a time, marriage used to be a happy occasion. Folks got married within their circle...not too far from their home!

    Global market widen the circle, unbelievable number of fishes in the pond....but none fits the mold.

    Now, it is nothing but frustration of let us get it over with it, he/she is getting too old.
     
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  3. Iravati

    Iravati Platinum IL'ite

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    When I was notified of a mention from "Keep calm and ?", I wondered, what and where did I blabber recently. Then realized that it was your really-late ack on my hugsy gratitude.

    Trust me, it is a vital art that many overlook. The skirmishes in private and public can be averted if only the parties are sensitive to and cultivate this finesse of tactful expression over expediency. I repeat, I have not embodied that subtle art yet but even the awareness and aspiration of such promising strategy is the right direction to proceed forth in hostile interactions.

    Neither can I ...

    Er, boring detour here but I personally enjoy the grandpa of philosophy Aristotle's conceptualization of virtue in Nicomachean Ethics in which he posits that virtue is the mean of two extreme forms of vices.

    Furthermore, every ethical virtue is a condition intermediate (a “golden mean” as it is popularly known) between two other states, one involving excess, and the other deficiency. In this respect, Aristotle says, the virtues are no different from technical skills: every skilled worker knows how to avoid excess and deficiency, and is in a condition intermediate between two extremes. The courageous person, for example, judges that some dangers are worth facing and others not, and experiences fear to a degree that is appropriate to his circumstances. He lies between the coward, who flees every danger and experiences excessive fear, and the rash person, who judges every danger worth facing and experiences little or no fear. Aristotle holds that this same topography applies to every ethical virtue: all are located on a map that places the virtues between states of excess and deficiency.

    .....which means celerity in speech is as ineffective as costive in speech. We are sharp to condemn lack of forthcomingness as 'timid' and excess of the same forthcomingness as 'brash'. The ideal mean is to act in a manner of tact befitting the intent with the tone and timing. The most abused label is 'courage'. Saying whatever that comes to my mind in the guise of courage is foolishness to the least and dangerous to the most.

    OK, end of the Greek detour. Also, we surmise these behavioral patterns as hunches and not instructs. I am sure you and I have fuzzily intuited that there was something wrong in that shout-out-grudges paradigm even before we came across the nominated post just that I liked the way SunPa articulated it: 'get the meaning across with the intensity it deserves', in that, conveying that hunch as a playful instruct appealed to us both though we vaguely synthesized similar creed in our empirical observations.

    I am extremely self-conscious in handing references (online) because stuff and thought processes that appeal to me might not be pertinent to others who seek facile gratifications like sympathy and blarney. However, since you have demonstrated interest in Pascal and Sartre, here is my treasure trove exclusively for your existential eyes and wager's ears: click here. I find the meandering podcasts pertinent to my life as the panel discussion arms me in dealing with 'characters' and 'personalities' in my life without getting vexed or agitated.

    The philosophy segment of the 'In our time' podcasts builds on key features in practical philosophy. I prefer distilled podcasts to self-help and quick-hack popular books or even original tomes ...(oh dear ...after the Greek and French tangents ..I promise this is the last detour) ... as I can relate to what Pierre Hadot realized while standing in a queue to fetch a loaf of bread ...the anxious crowd in the queue have no appeal in obscure and academic philosophy ...they want something more hands-on to guide them ...we should fashion this gnarly philosophy into something that these people might find use of in their practical lives. Phew! ..hence I favor the re-adaptated podcasts with insightful and blended learning of applied philosophy in our combative lives.

    I have hugely been benefited in my everyday interactions with re-fashioned podcasts and nominated 'bowel metaphors'. Dropping a recommendation about 'in our time - philosophy' in case you venture ...hmm ..what else is out there.
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2018
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  4. Iravati

    Iravati Platinum IL'ite

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    Iravati: Aa Hi Jayiye!



    Rihana: Totally wrong song for the occasion.

    Iravati: Isn't that a search party gaana? To inquire your whereabouts, kitte?

    Rihana: You might attract wolves and bears with your wheezy voice but not human contacts.

    Iravati: How about woh ladki hai kahan?



    Rihana: Seriously, are these even search party songs? They resemble kids dance competition in next galli.

    Iravati: Okay , last one ...come over ...aapke aa jane se



    Rihana: You should upgrade your search party gaana repository.

    Iravati: What am I to do as I have used up my vocal talent on beckoning Ragini. You are left with only these irrelevant songs. Either you show yourself up before I sound up another irrelevant search party for the shehar ki ladki in you. Are you around @Rihana , haven't bumped into you for a hundred ages.

     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    : ) LOL.. all the songs are from time we used to burn them on CD or download mp3 versions to listen in the car.

    I am here only. Hosting people, kids' exams, work and travel making for a busy mid year..
     
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  6. Iravati

    Iravati Platinum IL'ite

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    Try explaining CD to my nephew. He will blink and wonder if you and I are from cave age.
    CD, VCR, mp3 player, and in few years even cable usurped by streaming are ancient relics of the museum.

    Glad you responded posthaste before I signed up my partner-in-crime Laks with band bajaa search party.
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Really? : ) Somehow can't imagine you saying No to even an acquaintance. I think you'd rather try to help even if busy.

    I was once asked, 'How is retired life?' I responded, "I will know when I get there." : ) One of the few times I was witty in response.
     
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  8. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    You read me well my friend! It was not at all easy and it is a learned behaviour after trying to help and feeling like they were just using me. Between you and me, I was trying to help the OP feel stronger. I still cannot say no to friends, no matter what!!
    I have a dear friend who asks me for favors just to teach me how to say no!! Ways to go. I think the natural tendency is to help if we can and what a lovely thing to do. i am sure you are that way too.... :)
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hmmmmmm.... is it abnormal for a man to be a little conservative regarding wife's dress choices? I think not...

    Now, is it fair to restrict wife's dressing, yada yada are debatable ...

    Women also have some restrictions about what husband can wear... Men's restrictions often have to do with exposure... Women's restrictions to do with style and looking presentable.

    Anyways, all these are for the early married life years.... as the years roll by and she starts to get bothered by being called an aunty : ) and he looks close to this, all those restrictions are laughable memories. : )
     
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  10. silentlistener

    silentlistener Silver IL'ite

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    Never ending debate.

    The preferences of what once's wife should wear and what not, the perception differs so vast between an individual man another individual man.

    I can talk about myself and my younger brother. My younger brother is an Australian citizen he lives in Australia for more than the last 20 years. His wife is in late 30s. He has lot of reservations with his wife wearing sleeveless tops and short frocks. He disapproves it totally that his wife is never seen in WhatsApp or Facebook. The minimum number of photographs his wife posts in social media are fully Claf saree or salwar kameez ; nothing other than the two.

    I live in North India where Punjabis are very common. Punjabi women are known for their good dress sense.

    Contrary to what you believe, even women in late forties and early 50s wear sleeveless tops and short frocks here. Having seen Punjabi women wear such dresses the so-called age restriction --the unwritten age restriction-- has gone away. Even women in late forties and early 50s is wearing sleeveless tops and short frocks wear here.

    It's a very positive change in perception.

    My wife is in early forties. she wears everything she wants like a Punjabi girl in 20s, starting from sleeveless tops upto very short half pants. It is her choice.
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2018
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