Pune Techie Beat Wife If Roti Size Wasn’t 20cm, Made Her Keep Excel Sheet Of Chores

The life of a helpless child who depends on the mother for safety has been put at stake because the mum stayed in an abusive marriage.

Is it too much to say that the mum should have acted differently and mustered courage to get out of the marriage for the safety of the child. Is it not the mother's responsibility?

I agree both mum and child are victims. I agree we don't know the circumstances. But do we say the same thing if the child is killed? - that the mum had nothing to do with it and it's all dad's fault? Would we not say she should have walked out long ago.

I am neither the enemy of mum nor a friend of dad. I am woman myself and mum myself..
I know it's not easy to walkout but my point is it's not impossible either- at least not for 10 long yearsa d even after the child's life is threatened.

 

Well explained Gouri. Completely agree with what you've expressed here.

 

Gauri, you nailed it very well. We don't know anything about her situations, mental and physical stability, her background and etc . It isn't fair to assume her inability and judging her.

 

I always wonder how these abusers get away with everything for so long. Do their parents, siblings, relatives, friendsor colleagues never catch on to the truth? No red flags,no concerns? Are they perfectly normal to others and only turn evil towards their chosen prey?

 

Some parents overlook their children’s faults. They might just brush it off as their son having a bad temper. Parents might also be hopeful that the marriage will take care of their sons temper issues. Some of these abusers are productive members of society and might not show their temper tantrums at work because they stand to lose their job and are conscious of what society will think of them in general. They assume they don’t have a lot to lose when it comes to terrorizing their spouse .

 

Sometimes the parents of an abusive person advises his or her spouse

"You have to be smart, do not do anything which may trigger his or her anger"

When abuse occurs, the parents say "you were not smart enough, you should have avoided doing what triggered the anger and abuse"

Don't laugh, this is something experienced first hand

 

Needs to have his head examined. Then should be locked up in a padded cell and the keys thrown away into the Marina Trench.

 

i won’t argue on whether a person is a bad mom or why she suffered. but all the arguments on abuse reminded me of this ilite long time ago who used be a prominent poster doling out matured advises in this relationship forum and one day we hear she has been abused for long.

made me wonder, why did she have to take it in her personal life, when she had so much clarity to give such wonderul advice to all.

the denial, the mind set things will be fine, that the man will change a leaf one fine day.. and add to that many other issues.. it is so easy to sit on the hot seat and argue on the rightness or wrongness of the situation.


i know someone who became almost a basket case in just 10 days of married life, she who was a black belt in karate, a girl whom we used to think was a strong women ended up in acute depression. the parents and extended family were supportive and got her home the moment they understood. it has taken her a few years to be back to her own self and now does not believe in the institution of marriage. loves travelling, loves learning new stuff. recently went ok an risky trek. .

there are times like this when i wonder why could not the girl use her martial art training to defend herself.. what stopped her??

some of these things, are easy for us to discuss but we will never know why someone so strong becomes a victim..

just thinking loud..

 

@DXBDesi - very true.
@Shanvy - aptly said.

 

Am i too late to respond?
But this discussion is too close to my heart. I like both the arguments, whether hold this victim responsible for her tragedy or not.

I am not sure whether this amounts to victim blaming or not.
But surely enlightening to those who have never seen or experience the other side of reality, that is, there is a decent and respectful life after divorce.

I was a victim of emotional and financial abuse almost a decade back. That time i was very young, no dependents and financially very sound and secured, yet i could not walk away from the marriage; hence the abuse. When the abuse worsened, i have decided to end my life silently.
But i didn't have the courage to open up my fate with others, including my dear FOO.

Why?
Because i loved the institution called marriage and felt secured as a married woman. I have built up all my future dreams with this foundation ; hence i could not shake it.
It is because i was raised that way by my parents, family, society etc.. Who taught me everything to stay in a marriage, but nothing about moving out.
Until at that point, I too believed the divorced or separated women are unfit to the society, as if they are the losers.
I didn't want to be a loser or to be labelled as one.

My education, experience or exposure failed to teach me anything about the positives of choosing your life as it comes.
Many women are situational prisoners in today's world.

Until something badly hits your tolerance level, you will be stuck in such a marriage by hoping for a better future. Because you subcontiously believe that there is no better future after divorce.

Unfortunately each person's tolerance level vary as per their personality.

For me, the very thought of being bankrupt, that too with dependent in hand was the end of everything.
Thankfully it happened on the second year of my marriage.
I moved out, and experienced the beauty of independent life after separation.
That gave me fullest confidence to control my life when i had to reunite with my H later on.

For this woman, repeated abuse on her kid made her leave this abuse.
For some, it never happens.

It depends on their social behavior, upbringing, support system, courage and independence.
It varies person to person.

A child who grew up in a home where women are treated as second citizens, and physical abuse by men (dad, brothers, uncles) are normal discipline methods, then it is impossible for her to act on the grounds of self respect, equality or even child abuse as she might consider them normal.

Just like, for Indians spitting or peeing on the road is normal, whereas it is unimaginable in the west.

Blaming the victim here for her choice is crucial here. She was wrong. Blame her believe system, society, parents or whoever.
She should have acted right and escaped from this psycho the moment she discovered his real self.

I appreciate the women who chose to walk out of such life, and take up even menial jobs to save their life and that of their kids with dignity.
My servant maid is one such brave lady.

By blaming these spineless victims here, we send out strong messages to those who are confused about their decisions.
The message is " it is OK to divorce, there is a beautiful world awaits you to live after divorce. Marriage is just a part of your life, and it is not everything "
"In fact, you are a loser if you chose to put up such abuses, but you will be acknowledged as a survivor once you come out if it"

Let's empower our women. They don't need our sympathy, but guidance and encouragements.