Wedding Extravaganza Even After 20 More Years ?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by CoolPie, Mar 24, 2018.

  1. CoolPie

    CoolPie Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    The Indian society has totally become a show off on a grandscale and by being extravagant on weddings and other functions. Some 15 years back I thought, the spendings on weddings will reduce to a much greater extent than what it was then and many weddings would become simple with a max of 100 guests like what foreigners do.
    But alas I was wrong. I can now only see most of the weddings have become extravagant ones. While i want my son to have a simple wedding with a max of 50 - 100 guests in the future (after 15 years ), I feel I would be one among the few odd ones out.
    This is because of what I witness in today's scenario. Also honestly I am tired of watching all the show offs and think it's all useless. I want my son to have a simple wedding with a max of 50 -100 guests and want to donate the remaining amount (as what a normal wedding these days would cost in my family) to poor people or to those suffering with deadly diseases and are utterly helpless economically.

    I dont want to change my decision and only want to convince the bride's family on this.
    Pls dont tell me why think of unneccessary things which is likely to happen after two decades. I just need ILs thoughts.
    Does anyone of you get these thoughts as me or am I the odd one out here too ?
    Am i being an unconventional Indian (though I don't mind ) ?

    Expecting honest answers in soft tones.
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2018
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  2. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Not a bad idea but I don’t know if that will happen unless the bride and groom decide to plan and pay for the wedding themselves without any help/ involvement from the parents . Unlike the West, Indian weddings are more about the family than the couple themselves. How many Indians do you know that only have a civil ceremony with just the parents and maybe close friends ? Only seen it in movies.

    How about asking the wedding guests to contribute to a charity of the couples choice ( again optional) instead of the gifts ? Maybe having a wedding registry with different options for charitable organizations instead of the same old boring kitchen appliances , table linens and crockery from Macys ? Also make the contributions anonymous so the bride and groom are not ashamed of chachaji for not contributing to kids in Syria .
     
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  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Your correct and it makes a lot of sense to have close knit family and friends than inviting ' naani ke chacha mamake' types. Just for the sake of having the whole clan.
    Some Mami telling to a kaki the food is average where the bride's parents spent thier life's savings... Don't tell me about the relatives stay places, thier pick up drop vehicles, food, travel ticket and dress costs...
    My dad spent 25 laks only for 2 days affair (apart from gold , my dresses) My heart bleeds still for such a amount (i come from middle class background) what a waste of money. My UG and PG together didn't cost that much!! 7 yrs of studies ..you spend double the amount for just 2 days!
    You name it food wastage it's the main thing omg! My husband's cousin got married in Chennai rains though they knew it's raining hard, guests may not turn out as expected. They cooked for 1500 people, only 450 or 500 turned out. Imagine the whole city was drowning and no food for 1000s of people and there is food wastage, I couldn't control myself from crying. Seeing my plight, my husband's uncle decided we would pack and distribute in a rain flood place. And we did!! That day I decided I would not spend money unncessarily for sake of pomp and show for my kid's wedding. (Kid was only 9 months baby then)
    Wedding in temple, and simple reception with well wishers. That's it.
    Then came my kid's first birthday, we did ayush homam at home only with both sude family. No grand birthday party, though I had booked hall I cancelled it, after the rain incident. Calculated the cost of bday celebration, Went ahead arranged food for 3 orphanages, one old age home and spent the day with physically challenged kids, bought them whole week groceries, including thier petrol cost. I was soooo happy next day!!! I felt god blessed my child that way than the bday party. Though my parents and inlwas weren't happy. And all my friends thought I'm missing a lovely milestone and miser for not spending money on Kid's first birthday.

    Your not the one dear! There are quite a few like us.
    I hear comments from relatives, who says "the sarees are okay not more than 5000inr I think they bought in wholesale or discount sale", food taste, bride make up!, Groom's dress , jewels what not??
    Instead giving and helping the needy gives you more satisfaction and gods blessings.
     
  4. CoolPie

    CoolPie Silver IL'ite

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    How about asking the wedding guests to contribute to a charity of the couples choice ( again optional) instead of the gifts ? Maybe having a wedding registry with different options for charitable organizations instead of the same old boring kitchen appliances , table linens and crockery from Macys ? Also make the contributions anonymous so the bride and groom are not ashamed of chachaji for not contributing to kids in Syria .


    Dear sandycandy,
    Your thoughts in your reply is what I really want to happen. Honestly I am tired of attending these weddings and feel totally bored watching them being too extravagant.
    I know if I were to invite very few guests like 100 numbers, I think I might be the talk of my own kinsmen (they might think i am doing it to cut down the costs) but i really dont like today's kind of weddings.

    Sometimes we are in a hurry that we dont even look at the bride and groom if we were to attend a few weddings the same day, the same time. Its in a way like who cares about them.
     
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  5. CoolPie

    CoolPie Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Vedhavalli,
    You are an exact bundle of my thoughts. And what you did on that rainy day and also for your kids birhday party is surely praiseworthy. As you said, God would defintely bless your kid more than inviting guests for the birthday party and feeding them. Our guests already have good food in their homes. But our money could be spent on the less priviledged people who struggle to fulfil their basic neccessities of life.

    Doing an ayush homam and arranging food for 3 orphanages with even petrol expenses taken care by you. Hats off. You are an example to follow, though many would already be doing.

    You are right saying even education in our times cost much lesser than what most of our dads spent for our weddings.
    Society would term us a miser in that case but it would really fetch a good amount of blessings for our kid. And the real blessings count than the fake fundas.

    Hats off to your wonderful deed on your kids birthday.
    I know there would be atleast a few people who not only stand in my line, but also act accordingly.

    Recently I read on the web about a multimillionaire arranging the wedding of his NRI son with only both side parents at the marriage register office and the guy had to leave India soon.
    However sooner we know they can simply throw a very glamourous extravagant wedding in a short period of time as money can acheive anything. But he kept it simple to the core. I was amazed to read about it.

    Thank you very much for your reply.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2018
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  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Be the change you want.
     
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  7. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Nice post @CoolPie.

    I had the similar ideas before about these big weddings, but something has changed now that am away from home.
    I miss those fun, laughter, chatter filled weddings and gatherings. I can’t imagine having a wedding with just 50-100 people, infact that is one of my fears that my close circle would reduce to that number if i remain away from India for long..I think back home the line between acquaintances and friends is very thin.. so people invite everyone they know.. I find it a good excuse to meet people and catch up.
    But I do agree that we can do away with the extravagance in decorations, food and keep it simple.
    As for gifts, that is a wonderful suggestion @Sandycandy, great idea, I would request guests that are not immediate family and not so close to donate to charities instead of gifts.
    I can’t do away with gifts completely, as i do love giving and receiving gifts and still fondly remember and cherish the gifts from my close family and friends..
    My hope is to earn more to have a big wedding (not extravagant, but with lots of friends and family) and still have money to donate to people in need. I would love to have all the folks that have been there in my/my kid’s life and watched my kid grow up, to give their blessings and have fun at the wedding. The above will happen only if my kids/ their spouse have similar preferences. If not it’s upto them to decide how they want their wedding to be.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2018
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  8. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    You are not an odd ball, there are many of us who think along these lines. But the market forces are flexing their muscles well to keep the pomp and show going. Glamorous getups, photography and videography to make one look better than their favourite filmstars are blinding even the youngsters.

    Over 2 decades ago, I was aware of the unwanted expenses marriages involved and when my marriage was fixed (arranged marriage), the groom (my hubby) wanted a simple registered marriage and his condition was that he would not accept anything from my parents; not even a shirt piece! My parents were worried about the reaction of the society and wanted the marriage solemnised at least in a temple. I took further lead in limiting guests with very specific invites: distant family members/elders only for the morning ceremony and friends only for the reception. This way we could cut down unnecessary and ambiguous inflow of people. In this process we did end up annoying a few people also.:) But we were happy that we could cut down expenses and make the wedding ceremony simple and intimate. My hubby grudgingly went through the temple wedding! We don't regret anything we did then and would like even a simpler version of wedding for our son.

    I feel it is mindless to unnecessarily extend marriage function by a number of days throwing in lavish customs and menus from around the world and spending lakhs and even crores over something that is supposed to unite two hearts and two families, yet there is very little done to keep the sanctity of marriages or relationships.

    Utilising the money to establish the home of the newlyweds and/or giving to some charity is far better than throwing hard-earned money down the drain. Youngsters need to take the initiative in shunning these meaningless traditions.
     
  9. CoolPie

    CoolPie Silver IL'ite

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    Hi gone girl,
    Nice thoughts. It's always good to be surrounded by close family and friends and acquaintances. Since you are away from India you would catch up with all of them through this occasion. Nothing wrong in that.
    But for people like me in India, we catch up often in almost all ceremonies, but these days many lack even a friendly smile. Also not all relatives are cordial in my case.
    I always love to have relatives and friends passed from me to my son but I don't see they would be cordial with my son in future.
    A few are loving and caring while a few others do lift their cold shoulder. I don't want to waste my expenses to these kind of people.
    It's not for them tat I want a simple wedding but I think it is unnecessary to waste money. Instead it can be saved for the couple's future or for the needs of the downtroden.

    But yes, the couple and the bride's parents also should possess similar thoughts or agree with me. Else it ll just remain a thought.

    Anyway, thanks for pouting in your comments.
     
  10. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    It's a free world. People are free to spend their money in whatever way they want. So I find you being pretty judgmental with labeling an entire country of people of some lower moral standard than yourself by inviting more than 50-100 people you want for your child's wedding. Why don't you reduce that number even further to just the 4-5 of you and donate the expenditure for 46-96 or so to charity? Where did you get that magic number of 50-100 and decide that is a reasonable number of people for a wedding? What is extravagant to you may not be so for another person. What is simple for you may seem extravagant for another person. So IMO, I find this line of thinking to be nothing more than a pat on the back someone wishes to give themselves, a self-stroke for the ego, if you will.

    I recently attended a wedding of the daughter of pretty famous marriage contractor in Chennai who also happens to have a moderately well-known sweets and savories shop. It was a really grand wedding, and the expenses must have probably run into a few crores. The bride's father had invited all the workers from his shops/marriage contract service and their families, gave them all new clothes and had given them time off for the entire duration of the wedding, along with making arrangements for transportation to and from their accommodations to the wedding hall. He gave the catering contract of his daughter's wedding to an up and coming contractor, someone who had once worked for him and was now starting off on his own. The day after the wedding, he and his family all personally served food to the workers and their families because apparently to show his gratitude to these workers who play such a huge part of the success of his business. Was this wedding extravagant? Probably.. but he sure made a LOT of people happy. The amount he spent gave jobs to some flower decorators, helped an upcoming caterer, who in turn employed some people to provide good service, paid for someone whose income source was probably renting out a marriage space etc. etc.
     

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